Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Join Date Feb 2019 Posts 1 1 word replies after four dates Hi Just need a bit of advice i guess. So i started recently dating a guy who is from Ireland, i met him at a dating site. We seemed to have conversation chemistry and we kissed on the third date passionately. However, before and after he met me for the first time he was very very sexually suggestive. Although I am up in general for sex talk, I feel like we this is something that should not be on all the time and its something that also needs to build up naturally, as we dont really know each other yet. I let him know . politely of that and i also let him know that i am looking for a relationship and that i would rather be honest to each other as to what we are looking for. He told me he is looking for a relationship too and that he wants to get married and have kids. Of course I had asked him if he is married or ever married before or if he has kids because i have been burnt before by a situation where a person was not honest at all about this and i have to ask these questions. I asked this from the get go and i also confirmed this as well on the third date, because this is online and we dont have any reference about each other at all, so i would like to avoid any such kind of situation. He is 40 and I am 31. So, after the fourth date I texted him and we chatted a bit and he asked me photos of my flat. I told him that i dont have photos right now but i would send next day. Next day comes, i texted him for good morning and stuff, and i got one word answers only. Dont know what is going on. As a background to my story, he lives and works in London but he has a house and a farm in Ireland, where he is from. He told me he goes every three weeks or less. Also, he told me his parents have died and he has a sister as a very close relative. Now, the thing is that on our third date, a woman called him and he said she is his sister. He put her on speaker and he asked her what does she want and she didnt spoke. She insisted again. To me, this doesnt look like a sister, calling in the middle of a Saturday night, honestly and insisting. I didnt comment on this incident of course. Do you think something else is going on here? You can never know can you? To me it seems he lost interest or something else was going on. Our fourth date was 2 days ago.
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Regardless of his marital status or anything else about him, he simply doesn't sound like a 'keeper' or even a 'worth it to bother about', to me. What is your own gut telling you?
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) I mean.... this woman didnt sound to me like a sister.... On the other hand...why the one word replies after the fourth date lol thats weird Edited February 28, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Yes, you said that. What is your own gut telling you to think and do about this particular guy?
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 Well obviously not initiate further contact. I made my intentions clear, everything is clear from my side. To me he doesnt seem to be as honest as he wants to project. What would be your input on the situation.
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Not really my 'input'...only what I, personally, would do: write him off as not worth my further time, attention or Energy. But that's only based on my personal 'dating philosophy': I'd rather wait for what I want, than settle for what I can get. I developed that attitude when I was in high school, and haven't deviated from it the ensuing 30+ decades.
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 Ye... to me all this sounds a bit fishy... Even if he is not married... He seems like he only wants to hook up
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 He seems like he only wants to hook up And has an extremely limited vocabulary, to boot! . If that's your type, go for it. (For me, that'd be a deal-breaker by itself; nevermind the 'sister' or whatever that other one actually is to him.)
BaileyB Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 On the other hand...why the one word replies after the fourth date lol thats weird He’s frustrated that he hasn’t acheived his goal yet - everything you write says this guy is looking for sex. He’s loosing his patience and less willing to invest his time and energy into this “relationship.”
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 then why tell me he is looking for relationship???? We ONLY know each other like three weeks anyway
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 then why tell me he is looking for relationship???? You've never heard of 'bait-and-switch'? (The strategy where they tell you what they think you want to hear, then change mid-stream, to what they actually want.)
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 yes, but we are adults here. I dont see the need for this kind of game
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 YOU are the adult; he is an adult playing games (juvenile mentality). I'm not seeing what's so difficult to understand about his behaviour.
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 To me it doesn t make any sense in his 40s. It is more likely here, that something else is going on
chillii Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) Something big could've come up and seems as you hardly know each other he hasn't bothered reporting to you. And that would also mean he's not all that keen anyway unless you usually go days without talking. Doubt very much he'd put his w or gf on speaker either, it'd be obvious they were together, maybe it was his sister. But in any case ,married not sister not , if you don't hear from him next few days explaining , he's lost interest. Edited February 28, 2019 by chillii
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 well... fair enough... i just dont understand why play this kind of thing if he really just isn interested only in sex
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 It is more likely here, that something else is going onEven if, what difference does it make? At very least, he hasn't been completely honest and open with you... ...given that, and the fact that all he could come up with was a one-word reply after four dates with you, are you still interested to date him, regardless of what is the actual truth of his life?
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 The point is not that. The point is, why someone would behave like this and focus so much on sex without really knowing me and claim he wants relationship. That is what I'm struggling to get. Well anyway I have deleted his number as I asked him yesterday if he is ok after the one word replies and he did not reply at all . So I think it was just after one thing after all and not relationship at all
d0nnivain Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 chrys31 You said you were looking for a relationship so he parroted back to you that he is too because he knew that is what you wanted to hear. It had nothing to do with the truth. Even if it was relationship minded he may have been a 3rd date rule guy who dumps any woman who doesn't sleep with him by the 3rd date. Since you didn't put out, he's moving on. As for putting the other woman on speaker phone during your date that was odd. Even if she was actually his sister & he was doing it to be transparent, a good sister would have said oh you're on a date; have fun I'll ring you later. Plus it would have been odd to lay open family business to you a relative stranger so soon. The one word text responses don't bother me so much IF the other aspects of your interactions were working. Here they are not so the slowed almost non-existent communication becomes another negative factor. IMO it was kind of creepy to ask for photos of your flat. The 1st thing that came to my mind is that he was looking to rob you. Your take away from all of this is that you can't fully trust a new person's words. You have to look at the actions & when the actions don't add up, the actions are the truth no matter what they say.
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 I absolutely agree here. I need to see action. Well the 3rd date rule is silly because we kissed as I said quite passionately and since he said he was looking for relationship to me it makes sense to know each other. Well he asked for photos of my flat because I said its relatively big and quite cheap in price. But yes weird to ask photos. To me what is weird is that he put this woman on speaker and immediately asked her "what do u want " and hang up and she called again That and his very often travels to Ireland. But the biggest concern is clearly the sexual suggestiveness. The lowdown is he looks totally like a player
BaileyB Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 The lowdown is he looks totally like a player If this is in fact true, then it makes perfect sense why he would tell you what you wanted to hear... that he was looking for a relationship, because that is how he will get you to have sex with him. It’s highly unlikely that you will have sex with him if he tells you the truth - that he’s got another woman on the side and he plans to have sex with you and then fade away into the sunset... That’s not going to get him what he wants, from most women.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) So I think it was just after one thing after all and not relationship at all He said he wanted a relationship likely because he does.....someday. But not necessarily with you. A lot of shady guys will tell you they want a relationship just to get you in bed, too. I can tell you it’s not just younger dudes. Edited March 1, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited quote
stillafool Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 then why tell me he is looking for relationship???? We ONLY know each other like three weeks anyway What women don't seem to understand is when they ask a guy if he's looking for a relationship he says yes and he probably is. He also probably knows, just like women, if you are the type he wants a relationship with or just sex. When it's just sex they grow cold and eventually start looking again for another prospect. People date to find out if you are relationship material. They can't tell you in the beginning if they are going to want you for more because they don't know yet. 1
stillafool Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 The lowdown is he looks totally like a player If you feel this way you already have your answer and you need to leave him alone. It's pretty simple. 1
Author Chrys31 Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 Well ..... he also told me to go to Ireland together and I said that would be great if we continue to know each other better and stuff. Well if I dont want relationship with someone i leave them alone as I don't look generally for just sex. Maybe the fact that he told me he ended relationship with girls that weren't giving blows is a red flag
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