RW M Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Hey guys, (Yes, I'm aware of how that thread title reads!) I really can’t say this is something I’d normally consider, but figured I’d put this in words and seek advice as it’s been going through my head the past few days. I’ve been to see this stripper a few times at the club she works over the past 10 months or so. I’m 28, she’s a few years older, single. She’s not a stereotypical ‘bimbo’ dancer, she is intelligent, seems level-headed etc. Of course I’m not naive to the fact that strippers have to make money and will sweet-talk you if it leads to you buying more dances. I've had others do it and can tell. Anyway, first dance this one gave me she started snogging me, then giggled and said ‘I like you’ and put my hand on a couple of places it shouldn’t. Next couple of times I saw her she continued to flirt, gave me her phone number and even hinted when I asked her if she was single, or was seeing someone, “Maybe I’m looking at him” (i.e. me). When I asked she said she was up for meeting for a drink away from club. I tried to follow up on this, but it didn’t happen, so I took it she’d either lost interest or was just playing me. Either way, I didn’t think too much of it, I just found it a bit flattering if it was real, and no harm if it was just an act on her part. Anyway, after a few months of not seeing her (I’d actually deleted her number and had no intention of going back) she texted at the start of the year – just a ‘how are you’ and stuff like that and initiated another convo a week later. She never actively asks me to go see her at the club or be pushy like that. Anyway I went back a couple of times, she’s told me a bit more about herself and what she does outside the club etc these times. But I have told her the last time I went this week I’m not going to go back. I don’t want to be a guy who goes to lapdance bars regularly anymore (I'm really not proud of it) and frankly there are other areas of my life where my finances are better directed (the reason I gave her). Tbh she did look actually disappointed when I said that, and I said keep in touch to which she replied definitely. Anyway, I guess I’m wondering, is it worth another shot at trying to get a drink or meet up with her? I wouldn’t normally consider this but I think we genuinely do get on. I wouldn't be interested in a one-night stand or anything like that. Or maybe I’m just mad to be even considering this. Guess I just needed to put this into words, any advice appreciated folks.
SunnyWeather Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Tbh she did look actually disappointed when I said that... . Of course she was, she lost a potential regular and income. Or maybe I’m just mad to be even considering this.yes, completely. she got you hooked into thinking she 'likes' you, but you're failing to understand that's her JOB. (BTW, telling her you can't see her because you can't afford it effectively squashed it) 3
preraph Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 She meant she was willing to see outside the club for paid sex. 2
Author RW M Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 Of course she was, she lost a potential regular and income. yes, completely. she got you hooked into thinking she 'likes' you, but you're failing to understand that's her JOB. (BTW, telling her you can't see her because you can't afford it effectively squashed it) Cheers. I probably needed to hear that. I'll splash some cold water over my face and move on:) 1
leigh01 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 I agree with the other posters. I had a friend who was in a similar situation. He kept saying, "she really likes me.", it went nowhere. Save your money. And on the other side. I feel like it would be miserable to be in a relationship with someone who had this profession. If you were to get into a real relationship, how okay would you be with her putting the hands of other men where they didn't go? I personally could not stand the jealousy. But everyone is different. 1
RecentChange Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 See her if you want to pay for sex. Or if you are fine dating someone who gets paid to have sex.
Author RW M Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 I agree with the other posters. I had a friend who was in a similar situation. He kept saying, "she really likes me.", it went nowhere. Save your money. And on the other side. I feel like it would be miserable to be in a relationship with someone who had this profession. If you were to get into a real relationship, how okay would you be with her putting the hands of other men where they didn't go? I personally could not stand the jealousy. But everyone is different. Fair point. It probably helps explain why most strippers I've ever come across are single. It's not conducive to long-term relationships. I remember speaking to one who had a partner and said they just never spoke about her job.
alphamale Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 She meant she was willing to see outside the club for paid sex. yep, or drugs
emeraldgreen Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 On a personal level she might actually enjoy your company, but you're an orbiter and she keeps several like you in orbit at any given time.
crispytoast Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) Nothing wrong with dating a stripper if you dont care that she's a stripper. Also, stripper does not necessarily equate to would have sex for money. Most clubs have a few but it's not all of them. I have a close friend who's a stripper that I'd totally date if she didn't have a boyfriend. She's wildly faithful to her man (believe me I've tested it) and one of the most down to earth women I've ever met. With that being said, I didn't meet her at the club and have never paid for her services, that seems like it would affect the dynamic some. Doesn't mean she wasn't being real with you, you'll never know until you try. If you want to try to get a drink with her, hit her up. Just don't be bummed if she doesn't respond, and don't try any further if she doesn't. And if she hits you up later down the line, don't just head down to the club to see her because if she actually is at all interested, she will respect you less. It lays out the framework that you see your interactions as a business transaction which will not work in your favor. At this point you likely already shot yourself in the foot by doing that the first time, but like I said, you never know until you try. Something to note is if you date a stripper and you are at all insecure about it, she will eat you alive. Edited March 2, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
snowboy91 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Anyway, I guess I’m wondering, is it worth another shot at trying to get a drink or meet up with her? Yes. I'd consider it very unlikely she'd respond, but do it anyway. You really have nothing to lose. You've considered both options - she's either keeping you close to try and get more money out of you (her job!), or she does actually like you. Just keep that in mind and carefully consider the way she interacts with you.
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 I am reliably informed that strippers and lap dancers also have fake "real names". You may not even know who she truly is.
edgygirl Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 That’s what I thought. Aren’t people being too harsh? She’s a “sex worker” but sex workers also have families and deserve love like everyone else. How can we know if she’s not legitimately interested in OP? Maybe she is. He could give it a try and see if there are any red flags in a few real dates. Nothing wrong with dating a stripper if you dont care that she's a stripper. Also, stripper does not necessarily equate to would have sex for money. 1
crispytoast Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 (edited) I am reliably informed that strippers and lap dancers also have fake "real names". You may not even know who she truly is. You mean her parents didn't name her bubblegum.....?????? Edited February 28, 2019 by crispytoast 1
Author RW M Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 Nothing wrong with dating a stripper if you dont care that she's a stripper. Also, stripper does not necessarily equate to would have sex for money. Most clubs have a few hos but it's not all of them. I have a close friend who's a stripper that I'd totally date if she didn't have a boyfriend. She's wildly faithful to her man (believe me I've tested it) and one of the most down to earth women I've ever met. With that being said, I didn't meet her at the club and have never paid for her services, that seems like it would affect the dynamic some. Doesn't mean she wasn't being real with you, you'll never know until you try. If you want to try to get a drink with her, hit her up. Just don't be bummed if she doesn't respond, and don't try any further if she doesn't. And if she hits you up later down the line, don't just head down to the club to see her because if she actually is at all interested, she will respect you less. It lays out the framework that you see your interactions as a business transaction which will not work in your favor. At this point you likely already shot yourself in the foot by doing that the first time, but like I said, you never know until you try. Something to note is if you date a stripper and you are at all insecure about it, she will eat you alive. Cheers. Yes it certainly does affect the dynamic. On balance, I think there are more reasons not to ask her, than to. And she's more likely not to say yes, that was probably always the case. Only thing, I guess asking would nip it in the bud and I don't have to wonder anymore.
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 You mean her parents didn't name her bubblegum.....?????? What I mean is that if Bubblegum is her lapdancer name, then the 'real name' she gives you (eg, Sharon Broad) is a fake real name. Her really real name is something else again.
alphamale Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 What I mean is that if Bubblegum is her lapdancer name, then the 'real name' she gives you (eg, Sharon Broad) is a fake real name. Her really real name is something else again. so basil she would need three passports to go to Europe?
edgygirl Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 :lmao: You guys are making me laugh out loud with the bubblegum thing. Thanks I needed it. I think I’m gonna use that name if I join a new forum 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 I am reliably informed that strippers and lap dancers also have fake "real names". You may not even know who she truly is. I can confirm this. Some years back, I was set up with a guy for a somewhat-blind date. Towards the end of that dinner, he revealed that while he flipped houses by day, he was an exotic dancer by night at the biggest male strip club in our city. The name he'd given me turned out not to be his real name at all, which I figured out when his buddy (who happened to be in the same restaurant that night and came over to say him) addressed him by a totally different name. I called him out on that and he admitted he doesn't give his real name to women when he first meets them, apparently to protect his privacy. I have no idea if the rest of what he told me about himself was true; the whole situation made me uncomfortable and there was no second date. Some of the other details about how he made even more money were...not great. The only thing I know was definitely true was that he was indeed a dancer there, as I saw him some months later when I attended a friend's bachelorette party at the same club. 1
preraph Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 I guess anyone who performs in public, especially dancers/sex workers, are susceptible to having people get obsessed or something and they always know where to find them, so I get that. But you have to watch out for people doing that because it also could only be because they are married or otherwise taken.
smackie9 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 Peelers do date, I have known a few personally and I also worked in a night club/hotel where there were working peelers. They date thugs mostly like members from outlaw motorcycle gangs (they own the clubs they dance in) that buy them a boob job, provide them with coke and other drugs, etc.
basil67 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 so basil she would need three passports to go to Europe? Only if all three of them go. 1
Author RW M Posted February 28, 2019 Author Posted February 28, 2019 Yes, a lot do have 'fake' names. Some are obvious, I've known others use a pseudonym. The one I refer to in the OP does use her actual name (unless she faked the driver's license she showed me). I've just had a text out the blue from her tonight actually. Saying was lovely to see you, good luck with my car search and new job qualification. Hopefully see you soon. I think she's worrying about losing the custom.
elaine567 Posted February 28, 2019 Posted February 28, 2019 But I have told her the last time I went this week I’m not going to go back. I don’t want to be a guy who goes to lapdance bars regularly anymore (I'm really not proud of it) and frankly there are other areas of my life where my finances are better directed (the reason I gave her). I've just had a text out the blue from her tonight actually. ... I think she's worrying about losing the custom. I am glad you are taking a more serious look at your life as regards lapdance bars. Do you really want to be the guy getting "marketing" texts from a lapdancer? 2
crispytoast Posted March 1, 2019 Posted March 1, 2019 Yes, a lot do have 'fake' names. Some are obvious, I've known others use a pseudonym. The one I refer to in the OP does use her actual name (unless she faked the driver's license she showed me). I've just had a text out the blue from her tonight actually. Saying was lovely to see you, good luck with my car search and new job qualification. Hopefully see you soon. I think she's worrying about losing the custom. Maybe. At least she listens. Ask her if she wants to get together and see what happens. 1
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