crispytoast Posted February 27, 2019 Posted February 27, 2019 (edited) I'm taking a lady friennd of mine out to a sushi dinner on Friday. She bought me sushi the other week when I was broke and hella hung over so it's time to return the favor. She seems into me n all that, has tried to take me out for drinks a few times but I was busy. And we watched a chick flick at her place after work one time (it got me all choked up and emotional, it was too f*ckin kyoot). Thing is, we work together, plus she's monogamous and I'm very polyamorous. She's apparently pretty close to a friend of mine but he's never mentioned her and I know he is poly, I don't think they're dating but I'm pretty sure they used to hook up. So I've been not laying the moves on thick because of this, haven't hooked up or anything like that. Also, I really like her poly friend who is super cute, spicy attitude, and has been mad flirty, plus i don't work with her. I was never actually introduced to her friend, we don't even know each other's names (I can't really explain it without giving more personal info than I'm really comfortable with) but every time we've run into each other, the sexual tension has been quite real. What to do in this situation? I do like her a lot but the combination of factors seem like they could legitimately cause a fair amount of grief in my life if we fooled around so I'm not trying to take it past friendship. And is it kosher for me to try to date her friend? I've honestly never been in a situation like this. Edited February 27, 2019 by crispytoast
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2019 Posted February 27, 2019 Getting involved with her friend sounds like stepping on a landmine. Somehow you have to open up a conversation with this woman about polyamory. You need to flesh out her opinions on the subject before you do anything. In short lay your cards on the table & see how she responds. It could very well be a deal breaker but you have to let her make that choice. To give her the impression you are more conventional & open to monogamy, would make you the worst kind of player, a guy who will say or do anything to manipulate an unsuspecting woman into his bed. Don't be that guy. Do be straightforward about your expectations & desires. 2
smackie9 Posted February 27, 2019 Posted February 27, 2019 Don't get to close to coworkers like that. Smash her friend? She will get upset and make work real awkward for you. 2
Author crispytoast Posted February 27, 2019 Author Posted February 27, 2019 To give her the impression you are more conventional & open to monogamy, would make you the worst kind of player, a guy who will say or do anything to manipulate an unsuspecting woman into his bed. Don't be that guy. Do be straightforward about your expectations & desires. Like I said, not trying to have a relationship with her or trying to sleep with her (I'll call her "J"). We have more than enough value to each other without getting sexually involved. I'm much more interested in her friend (I'll call her "Z") -- she has similar energy to me and she has her life on lock. I have the potential to make J a lot of money. I have the idea that J can't really be too upset with me for getting at Z if I am getting her bills paid and never tried to sleep with her.
d0nnivain Posted February 27, 2019 Posted February 27, 2019 J can't & won't get upset with you for going after Z if you don't sleep with her. J will be wildly upset if you & she get busy & then you go after Z.
Author crispytoast Posted March 3, 2019 Author Posted March 3, 2019 We went out for sushi last night. It was relatively uneventful and I chose to go home afterward. I'm sort of sad though, I had to turn down a date from someone I actually like to do it. I feel sort of stupid, really should've just pushed back sushi and gone out with the woman I'm into. In hindsight, I really don't know what I was thinking.
Author crispytoast Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 Mayyybe. We were supposed to go out on Friday and she went out of town without telling me so it wouldn't have been wrong for me to reschedule again and go out with someone else that I am actually trying to play with. The girl I liked had a tinder date scheduled and was telling me about it rather unexcitedly and I was telling her about my sushi date that I wasn't very excited about either... I could tell she wanted me to just take her out instead and we could've had a steamy night together but I stayed true to my commitment. Meh it could've been hot bonding over ditching the dates we didn't want to go on.
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 [quote=crispytoast;7746522 What to do in this situation? I do like her a lot but the combination of factors seem like they could legitimately cause a fair amount of grief in my life if we fooled around so I'm not trying to take it past friendship. And is it kosher for me to try to date her friend? I've honestly never been in a situation like this. You answered your own question. It’s going to cause grief so don’t bother. Why would it be wrong to date her friend?
Grey40 Posted March 4, 2019 Posted March 4, 2019 Mayyybe. We were supposed to go out on Friday and she went out of town without telling me so it wouldn't have been wrong for me to reschedule again and go out with someone else that I am actually trying to play with. The girl I liked had a tinder date scheduled and was telling me about it rather unexcitedly and I was telling her about my sushi date that I wasn't very excited about either... I could tell she wanted me to just take her out instead and we could've had a steamy night together but I stayed true to my commitment. Meh it could've been hot bonding over ditching the dates we didn't want to go on. I’m not understanding what you’re doing. You don’t want more than friendship with this girl, but you chose to go on a date with her instead of the girl you’re attracted to? Sounds like you’re lying to yourself and you do like J. I blow off my friends all the time to go on dates and they understand completely because they’d do the same thing.
Author crispytoast Posted March 4, 2019 Author Posted March 4, 2019 I enjoy her company and I don't like cancelling plans on people. I don't do that all of the time. In hindsight I'm feeling like I should've
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