FaithInTheDark Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) I've been dating this guy for 2 months. during the course of the 2 months we have spent a lot of time together. we have enjoyed our company together and have a lot in common. plus, he makes me laugh until im on the floor. He's stayed at my house up to a week at a time. He told me that he had feelings of love for me, and we have started to say I love you recently. We have made plans to go on trip together and even meet my parents in April. He's going thru a hard time right now financially, and i have been stuck to pay for everything, which i found is getting too much. I pay for dinner, smokes, groceries while hes staying. he does have some what if a game plan to get income...but nothing like a full time job. This has caused a riff in our relationship because i work full time. I voiced how im not in a position to take care of us anymore and he needs a job. His reply was " i get what you're saying, i need to do better. i want to make you happy" In terms of an official relationship, I've brought up the question. he has said things like "i want to work towards something serious" "I'm still recovering from my ex so i need to go at a slower pace" (he got out of a 3 year about 8 months ago). Yesterday, i admit i got pretty caught up in my own head and messaged him to ask what his intentions are with me. He asked what i wanted out of this and i said "i want something real, actually real" he said "maybe we just need some time"... but, at this point ive given a lot more then received. He seemed emotionless saying things like "im used to people leaving so i cant let it bother me, i would of been your boyfriend but you wont give this anytime" I took sometime to think things over and my instincts are saying something is off with him. I decided to delete him off Facebook, just to help with moving on. I attempted to call him instead of texting....he didn't answer and said "i need to clear my head, I'm [going to] just take some time" I feel at this point, he knows how to get in touch with me, and if he really "loves" me he will put in more effort. Am i being too inpatient with this process? or is he just stringing me along? I've knew it was best to take a huge step back from this, because i feel like I'm loosing clarity Edited February 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit typo in title; fix spacing; add paragraphs
hippychick3 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 He sounds like a total user. Hope you learned from this. Know your worth. You should never help support/give money to a man you barely know. 2
Redhead14 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 This guy is a parasite. He's using you or at least attempting to. Your instincts are spot on. Kick him to the curb and don't look back.
nodramallama Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 *He told me that he had feelings of love for me, we have made plans to go on trip together and even meet my parents in april. his reply was " i get what youre saying, i need to do better. i want to make you happy" "i want to work towards something serious" "im still recovering from my ex so i need to go at a slower pace" "maybe we just need some time"... i would of been your boyfriend but you wont give this anytime" Look at what he's verbally given you - nothing concrete. This is to keep you holding out hope for that magical "one day". Good for you for ending things! Now delete and block his number!
MaleIntuition Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 I’m confused. Sounds like you dumped him and now want to see if he chases? Like a test? You had some concrete plans that would have moved the relationship forward; from your post it’s not easy to understand what you where after?
Author FaithInTheDark Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) I ended it. But, im wondering if i was being unreasonable since we only been dating for sightly less than 2 months. Apart of me is wondering if he will reach out. I think thats natural. But, like i said i deleted him off facebook and moving forward. Edited February 25, 2019 by FaithInTheDark 1
MaleIntuition Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) Unreasonable about what? Edited February 25, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact quote of prior post
Author FaithInTheDark Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 Im wondering if dumping him because he wouldnt commit to a real relationship was unreasonable, since we had only been dating 2 months. He was saying he needed time. .as to why I'm asking if im being inpatient
Calmandfocused Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 So if he made a proper commitment to you, you would be happy to financially support him? I would think extremely carefully about this. I’ve been in this situation with my ex husband. The expectation for you to pay for everything just grows and grows. He’s used to it you see and up until now has Gotten away with it. If he does come back, be careful that it’s not because he just wants what you can give him. Being the victim of a freeloader is not much fun. It’s very unattractive actually! More importantly it will eventually break your heart.
MaleIntuition Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Im wondering if dumping him because he wouldnt commit to a real relationship was unreasonable, since we had only been dating 2 months. He was saying he needed time. .as to why I'm asking if im being inpatient Yes and no, waiting would have been a gamble. Objectively speaking; two month isn’t a long time and dating means taking a risk... We can’t tell you whether or not he was worth taking such a risk for. With that said; a rethorical question: What’s the difference between the relationship you had and a real relationship?
Gretchen12 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Giving him the benefit of the doubt, you should then end the relationship on good terms so that you can try again in the future when he's back on his feet. He cannot be in a relationship right now because his life is not in order. If you were to support him through this, he will dump you when he is back on his feet because he will want a new start. I've seen that many times. Having you pay for stuff is not good for his self esteem so you're not doing him favors. This is not an equal relationship. But I see no need to block him. That seems rather childish, or at best, weak. 1
basil67 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Did you notice that in response to you telling him he needs a job, he told you that he needs to do better to keep you happy? Nothing about getting a job so that he can pay his own way and be an adult. I know it's just one comment, but it speaks volumes about his attitude to work. Also, he's 'used to people leaving'. If he's the one who is always dumped, then he clearly has issues which make other women walk away. Sounds like you're not the first to see through him.
preraph Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Well, why would you press someone who isn't even properly employed and is mooching off you for a serious relationship? Stop it, because that just tells him you like him THIS way, which you don't. So tell him once he has a steady job and has had it for, say, a year and is solvent, THEN you can talk about being more serious. As it is, he's nothing more than your rescue boy.
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