dupedforreal123 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 After a period of time after affair ended did your affair partner choose to end their marriage on their own? With no promises of being with the AP? They say people never leave but have you seen instances where they have left even if not currently involved in the affair?
bmh Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 On LS, no it rarely happens. In real life I have seen numerous marriages end after affairs but because the wife kicked them out either upon discovery or trying and failing to trust their partners and reconciling. None of those men are with their AP. They started dating someone brand new! 1
norudder Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) On LS, no it rarely happens. In real life I have seen numerous marriages end after affairs but because the wife kicked them out either upon discovery or trying and failing to trust their partners and reconciling. None of those men are with their AP. They started dating someone brand new! I bet/hope the ow got tired of it and just moved on then it was too little too late for the guy anyway and he had to date someone new. I know two couples that started as affairs. One couple had been hs sweethearts, she got pregnant during affair, the man didn't have kids and married only a year. They now have kids together and been married almost 10 years. But no real break from the affair, straight transition. The other couple the guy was single, woman married with kids. They broke up, she tried marriage counseling, but divorced. About a year after it settled she got with her AP, married, kids together, but divorced after 6 years. Leaving while not involved in an affair and not having a fallback person is the ethical way to end a marriage. Edited February 25, 2019 by norudder
ZBA Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 XMM and his W separated after DD... last I knew, they’d remained separated for 2 years, even living in different states. I, on the other hand, have reconciled with my H. It continues to be a process but one I’m grateful for. As of this summer, a third year will have passed since DD. No idea if xMM ever got that official divorce, as we no longer speak (my choice). I did hear that he was dating someone new, from a mutual friend. I don’t wish it was me.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) A few anecdotes to share: 1) An acquaintance of mine left his marriage (with a pregnant wife) for his affair partner, and they wound up dating for about 2 years after. That relationship imploded too, as there were many problems once they were able to actually be together full-time. This man is now married to someone different, whom he met after ending his relationship with the former-OW. 2) A close friend of mine is married to a man whose ex-wife had an affair. The marriage ended not because she called it off, but because her husband found out and kicked her out. The Other Man in that case didn't want her once she was single. The ex-wife is still single, 10 years later. She's had a couple boyfriends here and there but hasn't found anything long-term. 3) My aunt's ex-husband left her and their kids for another woman. That relationship didn't last too long after, according to my cousins. He has since remarried an entirely different woman, and they have children together. and finally, to buck the trend: 4) My good friend's mom had an affair. Her dad discovered it, and the marriage ended. That was more than 20 years ago, and her mom and the once-Other Man are still together today. It was a rough few years while the children worked to accept this man in their lives, but things are generally okay now. So in my personal experience, most affairs don't wind up in Happily Ever After. I have no doubt there are exceptions, but I have yet to really see many. I have, on the other hands, seen a few marriages end because of it. Edited February 25, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1
WasOtherWoman Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 As a wise friend once told me.... (and i have yet to see the exception) Men don't leave unless they find someone they would rather be with, or their wives kick them out. 1
pepperbird Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 my experience is with my brother. he cheated on his first wife, ended his marriage and married his ow. That lasted a few years before it imploded. The reason? Neither one of them was good marriage material. They both have excellent minds when it comes to business, but not so much with relationships. They were awful to each other. She cheated on him left right and centre ( including one time where i caught them) and my brother likely did the same to her. I don't know. All I know is he was extremely unhappy. They officially got divorced about a week ago, and he's seeing someone else. He's also started therapy to try and find out why he is so unhappy. From what he said, his counselor thinks he was an unhappy, type A person who always has to be busy either with work or relationships because he doesn't want to spend time alone with himself. He says he's putting the work in so he can be a better partner in the future. I think that's the key to finding success in a post A relationship. Recognizing the baggage you bring to the table and also your perosnal issues and learning better ways of behaving. If I was in that situation and the man started blaming his wife for his actions, I would be gone.
DKT3 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Affairs turned relationship fail almost always. Most end within two years, some linger into years 5 and 6 only the exceptions make it 10. Common sense says its because people who have affairs show you thier makeup, not usually the stuff it takes to have a successful relationship. I agree, but beyond that, I believe that most people delude themselves about the person they are cheating with, they create these demigods in their minds, someone worth giving up a lifestyle and time with their children for. in reality that person cant live up to the creation. We have an active poster right now learning this lesson.
jah526 Posted February 26, 2019 Posted February 26, 2019 xMM is still with his wife two years after I broke it off for good, but he told me from the time things became physical he wasn't going to leave her. So no surprise there. But I have a feeling he's on the prowl again. He's never going to stop IMO. In some ways, I guess I'm jealous, that it's all so easy for him. He gets what he wants at home, he gets what he wants away from home, and no skin off his nose either way. Me, on this other hand, I think I'm still suffering PTSD from the whole thing.
Recommended Posts