sanne Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Let this be a lesson to all, don't let your curiousity get the best of you. I was going on about a month and a half of NC and all of a sudden my ex goes online. I figured that I was for the most part over her and thought I would be able to handle a friendly conversation with her. I started talking to her, and she was extremely cold and distant. When I pressed her about why she was that way she responded that she just didn't know what to say. Anyways, I come to find out that she still has feelings for her ex (the one she cheated on me with) and is in love with him but hasn't yet told him. She told me she has no feelings towards me at all anymore. Basically, she has discarded me, and I am nothing to her. I don't know why, but the next day I felt extremely sad and hurt. I don't want her back, and I don't want to be in a relationship with her. But hearing her say she doesn't have any feelings for me anymore and that she is still in love with her ex hurt me a lot. I guess deep down I do still have some feelings for her, but I am strong enough to know I should never act on them because of the person she is and always will be. I'd always assumed that we both had mutual feelings for each other, but that we just couldn't work in a relationship. Seeing how little she cares about me now has brought me down to a new level of sadness. I guess in a way this is good for me, because now I will never have a reason to contact her at all. Still, I wish I had just been smart enough to see this coming and save myself from this further pain. A month and a half's worth of work all down the drain, in a matter of minutes...
francis Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 i would interpret this experience this way; at least you know without doubt that you should move on. please don't be sad. now is your time to seek brand new opportunities without wasting another single second on what ifs, or 'maybe' chances with your ex. you have the concrete answer. there is no doubt anymore. you have closure. you may find that after the sadness has subsided, it will be easier for you to move on from here, in a totally different direction from her.
off2sea Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Sanne, I did almost the exact same thing but after 10 solid months of NC. I received the b'day text msg I was dreading and even though I swore I wouldn't respond, I did. When I got no response back, it made me crazy and several days later I sent another txt message. Again no response of any substance. I, too, felt like I took a huge leap backwards. I am leaving my phone out of reach or off until this passes.
Author sanne Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 honestly i'm tired of being such a goddamn wimp when it comes to this situation and dealing with my own emotions. i'm gonna grow some damn balls and just walk the hell away from this situation. i've wasted almost half a year of my life on my ex, and damn i'm sick of it. i am walking, way the hell away from her, and i'm never going back.
Rocko Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Good man, keep fighting. At least now you know, without a doubt, to forget this girl.
pippen_2k Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Ive been reading your posts over the last month Sanne, and there was NO WAY you were ready for that conversation! You put yourself in that situation and got burnt! But on a good note these are the times when we finally learn our lessons and decide "f*** It! Im Tired of getting hurt and feeling this way" Your curiosity and closure has been dealt, and you will now realise that you need to avoid this chick big time! You gotta pretend she is evil!
Author sanne Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 your absolutely right man. i was in no way ready for any conversation with my ex. unforunately, that was just about the worst possible conversation i could have ever had with her. i literally felt like i'd been drop-kicked and thrown to the ground. what's so ironic is that i felt so damn good about myself and my life just the day before that conversation. NC works people, breaking NC will invariably bring you pain and suffering.
blue16 Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Something good can come of something bad, remember that. Before, you were always curious about where you two were at. You said yourself you thought that she liked you...but for whatever reason a relationship just wasn't in the cards. But now you know that it's not gonna work out, you have closure and you're free to move on. Best of luck.
Author sanne Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 Something good can come of something bad, remember that. Before, you were always curious about where you two were at. You said yourself you thought that she liked you...but for whatever reason a relationship just wasn't in the cards. But now you know that it's not gonna work out, you have closure and you're free to move on. Best of luck. thanks a lot blue. maybe this wasn't such a bad thing. and your right, at least now i know without a doubt where i stand. i don't even know why this bothered me so much, i would never have taken her back in the first place because of what she did to me. i dunno, i guess i wanted her to always want me if that makes any sense.
Author sanne Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 well i'm feeling much better now, and am almost back to where i used to be. the good thing is even though i was knocked down so quickly, i got right back up just as fast. i think i'm in a better position now because i no longer have any reason to sit and think about my ex.
jomaxfury Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 Sanne, First of all, thanks for posting on my thread. Your advice was helpful a lot. Glad to hear you are doing better. I will use your experience as a learning for experience for me. I realize first of all that if they let you go, even if they implied like in my case that they don't want to be with you. Is no point of even trying to be friend when you truly cared about that person. As their lover, they betray our trust, imagine as friends what they will do. I realized that about my ex. This is my 4th week of NC she has not called at all. Imagine if I really needed her... Yeah what a true friend. She wasn't there when I needed her, the good news is that she won't be there when I don't need her. Take Care.
Okeydokey Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Hi Sanne, I would also like to thank you for responding to my thread. First of all, I'm sorry that that happened to you. It sucks, but I'm glad to see that you are feeling better. Also, I do not believe her for a sec about what she said. Her goal - her whole point in telling you what she did was to hurt you... and it worked. If she truly had no feelings for you then she had no need to say that she didn't care about you or to tell you who she does in fact have feelings for. She sounds manipulative - the point of what she told you was to get under your skin. Okeydokey
Jeannie Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Sanne, I admire how candid you are. Most men don't admit their weaknesses and from the way you write you sound like a really honest guy. Know how many women are looking for a honest guy? From the way it sounds on here most women are looking for two things - someone who is nice and someone who isn't into porn. Guys - if you're both you'll hit paydirt and have women eating out of the palms of your hands.
jomaxfury Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Sanne, I admire how candid you are. Most men don't admit their weaknesses and from the way you write you sound like a really honest guy. Know how many women are looking for a honest guy? From the way it sounds on here most women are looking for two things - someone who is nice and someone who isn't into porn. Guys - if you're both you'll hit paydirt and have women eating out of the palms of your hands. Jeannie, I was both of those thing to my ex. I treated her like my Queen and don't watch porn, and look what she did to me. When you love someone you don't see them as eating out of your palms of your hand. You do that to people you dont care about. Ex's that leave you with no explaination, seemed that they had you eating out of their palms of their hands. Those are the people that don't care. Why would you want someone doing that? I'm not to sure what your trying to say, if your nice and don't watch porn and you could have girls eating out of the palms of your hands, but for what reason to screw around or to find that special someone?
Jeannie Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Jomaxfury - you were with the wrong woman. Why is it we're always trying to get blood from a turnip? When you're with the right person it's not painful, it's not a constant battle for power and it's not always chaos and turmoil. We all need to be more cautious before we dive into relationships. HEED the warnings and red flags you see at the beginning. It's like the saying "Screw me once, shame on you - screw me twice, shame on me". Don't go back for seconds when they stomp your heart out.
jomaxfury Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 Jeannie, You are so right if I should have watch the red flags and signals during the relationship. I would have never gotten hurt, but love is about chances. I took my chances and believed her that she totally changed, but she didn't. I see what your saying, be cautious as soon you see the red flags let them go, because it is not worth it. Thats something that I learned form this past relationship. I Didn't mean to intrude in to your post, but just wanted you to clarify what you really meant by, and I understand what you are saying. Cool Jeannie thanks.
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