alexmicah Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 My brother and his BFF became friends with this girl about 6 months ago. I met her over Christmas break and and was instantly attracted to her. She is beautiful. My brother informed me right away his bff is in love with her and instilled an "off limits" policy on her. He also told me she has no interest in him whatsoever. So I decided to join their Sat night group which also includes 3 of her girlfriends in the hopes of getting to know her. She's always flirting and smiling at me, so I'm pretty sure she likes me too. But I've abided by his rule to keep the peace, until last weekend. I got a little too drunk and tried to kiss her with him standing only a few feet away. Now he's kicked me out the group and I fear I'll never see her again. I really think she would have kissed me if he hadn't been there. I want to contact her and see if she'll go out with me, but if Lil bro''s BFF finds out, heads are going to roll. I know I shouldn't let this dude bully me, but we've known him since we were in diapers and our families are close. My brother said as soon as they showed up last night she asked where I was and douchebag jumped in and barked at her " he had something to do tonight!. She then looked at my brother and pouted. He also said every time she leaned in to talk to him, the jerk came running over demanding to know what the were talking about. Sounds to me like he was trying to stop them from discussing last weekends events. My brother said he doesnt care if I pursue her but he's not getting involved, so I'm basically on my own. I saw she has an fb page. She actually posted "majorly bummed right now" with sad emoji last night. I wonder if she's referring to my absence or the way her supposed friend spoke down to her. So, what do I do now? I really like her so I don't just want to give up. Im a junior in college so im not just looking for a quick hookup. I genuinley like her. She could be my future wife for all I know. Should I reach out to her? And if so, what should I say? Please help. I'm driving myself crazy.
d0nnivain Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 The only person who gets to decide who the lady dates is the lady herself. If your brother's friend gets mad, that is on him. Even if the girl didn't date you, that doesn't mean she would ever date him. If your brother doesn't care, let his friend chew glass. If you reach out to her, ask her on a date. Don't even mention all the BS drama. 4
Normm Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 Rather possessive of your brothers friend to decide who she cannot date, who apparently is every guy except him- the only problem there being that she's not interested in him. Surprised you really need to ask a bunch of strangers what to do? You have a means of contacting her, so go for it. 1
healing light Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 I have been this girl before. That guy sounds like an entitled dick. Definitely pursue her. Ask her out properly and avoid discussing all of the drama if you can. Any relationship she forms is between her and her partner--she doesn't need a guy she will never ever be with to dictate her future. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 (edited) The only reason this is a "mess" is because everyone is letting this tool of a BFF dictate who can date whom. Has everyone always pandered like this to him or something? Why does he even have the power to kick you out of a social circle? Was this decided by the Supreme Council of Socializing? Tell him to kick rocks. He's behaving like a highschool bully. He doesn't get to decide who this girl chooses to go out with. Tough for him that she doesn't like him back. You are under no obligation to do what he wants. Edited February 24, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 2
salparadise Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 What is this weenie holding over you anyway? You'd think he was the president of Russia the way you're kowtowing for him. Golden shower pics, or worse? As healing light said, ask her out properly. You know how to do that, right? If not I'm sure there must be an instructional clip on YouTube. Wait until you've made progress before you bring her around the other guy... but when you do, understand that you not only challenged, you won. So be confident and don't let him intimidate you. He won't like his new position at the bottom of the pecking order so be prepared. Not parallel, but interesting nevertheless... 1
preraph Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 That was really devious of you to jump in on that situation when you knew what was up. Ugh. Disgusting. The words "opportunistic feeder" come to mind. There's one billion other women in the world. Why can't you pick one someone in your circle isn't pining over that you've specifically been asked to not get involved with? I'm glad they kicked you out. That's exactly what they should have done.
Author alexmicah Posted February 24, 2019 Author Posted February 24, 2019 Thanks for all the feedback. Should I apologize for trying to kiss her? She didn't seem grossed out, just caught off guard. I just don't think she expected me to do that right in front of him, and if I would have been sober I doubt I would have. So do I tell her i'm sorry before I ask her out?
preraph Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 To me, it's irrelevant what the girl wants here. No, he's probably not getting her, but it's only fair to give someone who's in your circle sufficient time to try to win her before you poach. If she's hanging out with them, she's at least interested enough to do that. At a bare minimum, a warning like, I'll give you three months but if you've gotten nowhere by then, I may ask her out myself." You only wanted her because someone else did.
smackie9 Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 This is what you do...locate her on social media and ask her out.....his friend can go f a duck. 2
edgygirl Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 I thought only women fantasized like that even before a first date. Cute She could be my future wife for all I know. 4
salparadise Posted February 24, 2019 Posted February 24, 2019 To me, it's irrelevant what the girl wants here. No, he's probably not getting her, but it's only fair to give someone who's in your circle sufficient time to try to win her before you poach. If she's hanging out with them, she's at least interested enough to do that. At a bare minimum, a warning like, I'll give you three months but if you've gotten nowhere by then, I may ask her out myself." You only wanted her because someone else did. You are just wrong on this one, preaph. The girl was flirting, and the guy was his brother's friend, not his. If the guy had already been in a relationship with her it might be a little different, but not much. She was sending smoke signals. He was not being beta to the other guy. Good for him. Where do you come up with such notions? And why do you present them as if they're indisputable fact? The girl is going to choose regardless, and it would take an idiot to turn it down because some other hard-tail already called dibs. 2
Author alexmicah Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 preraph, That's really harsh. I felt an instant connection with her. It wasn't until later that night I found out my brothers BFF was into her, and by then I was completely invested in her. And I don't care if 25 people or chasing her or I'm the only one. I just know how I feel about her. When she smiles at me,it makes my heart skip a beat. I know that sounds corny, but that's how she makes me feel, and i'm sorry if that makes me a jerk in your eyes. I wish I had met her under different circumstances but it is what it is.
Author alexmicah Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 Ok, I'm ready to send her a message. Can someone please answer my question about the kiss? Do I apologize for it or forgo mentioning it?
crispytoast Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) Don't apologise for the kiss. And don't mention it. It will kill any mood there might be to act like either of you did anything wrong. Because you didn't do anything wrong. Your brothers BFF sounds like a tool. If she's into you and you're into her, by all mean go for it. Edited February 25, 2019 by crispytoast 2
smackie9 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Don't apologise for the kiss. And don't mention it. It will kill any mood there might be to act like either of you did anything wrong. Because you didn't do anything wrong. Your brothers BFF sounds like a tool. If she's into you and you're into her, by all mean go for it. Ya go for it! 1
Author alexmicah Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 Ok, I just pmed her. This is what I put. Hey -------, it's -------''s brother, -------. Sorry I didn't get to see you last night. Are you busy this Friday? I thought we could grab some dinner and go play some putt putt afterwards. Let me know if you're available." I'm trying to avoid the cliche movie date, so I thought mini golf might be a good alternative. Oh well, no going back now. I'll nervously wait for her response, if any.
Highndry Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Glad you're pursuing her, it's the right thing to do. Never apologize for an attempted kiss. Good luck! 1
The Dude Abides Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Alex, I would say tough luck to this other dude who ‘staked out his territory’ . Take this lady out for a nice date if she agrees to see you again. Be bold and give her the best kiss she’s ever had. Your comment about ‘future wife’ is sometimes the stuff of a great story years down the road. I hope it works out for you. 1
Author alexmicah Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 I just heard back from her! Here's what she said. "Putt putt, is that code for something? J/K, sounds like a fun time. I have to work till 5:30, so you can pick me up around 7. PM me Thursday and I'll give you the address." So I guess it's a date! Thanks to everyone who gave me the extra nudge I needed to reach out to her and for assuring me I'm not a bad person. I'll finally be able to get a good night's sleep tonight:) 2
crispytoast Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Oo I'm excited for you this is the closest I've gotten to getting laid in a month 2
Author alexmicah Posted February 25, 2019 Author Posted February 25, 2019 Lol crispytoast! Hope that changes for you soon!
crispytoast Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Haha we'll see, I'm a busy man. And a picky one to boot
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 I just heard back from her! Here's what she said. "Putt putt, is that code for something? J/K, sounds like a fun time. I have to work till 5:30, so you can pick me up around 7. PM me Thursday and I'll give you the address." So I guess it's a date! Thanks to everyone who gave me the extra nudge I needed to reach out to her and for assuring me I'm not a bad person. I'll finally be able to get a good night's sleep tonight:) Well done, OP! I am happy she responded well. Let us know how it goes!
d0nnivain Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Good for you. Now you have a date! Glad you did not apologize for the attempted kiss. If you apologized you would have diminished yourself in her eyes. Have a fun time & let your brother's friend do whatever. As for preraph's concerns . . . I think it depends on the closeness of the relationship with the guy. For example if your brother was the one who liked the girl first it would have been a jerk move for you to flirt with him. You needed to refrain out of respect for your brother. IMO no such prohibitions exist with respect to your brother's friend who is not your friend. Do try to be sensitive to his hurt feelings & bruised ego; don't rub your relationship in his face.
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