xwisitxtreme Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Please help! I am going crazy. First of all, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Jey, I'm an 18 year old male from NJ. Last September (around this time actually) I entered a relationship with another young man (now 19). The thing is that he got raped last summer (2004) and ever since, he has been paranoid about hiv and stds. He's gotten tested like 300 times... it's all he talks about. (not ALL.. but its a very sensitive subject) We then broke up in like mid October 2004. A couple weeks later he ended up dating someone else, until early December. Also in December, I had unprotected oral sex with another man. Anyway, in February, we got back together. We both knew of each other's other relationships and everything that occured between the gap. We have had an amazing relationship, gotten along very well, very comfortable with each other, almost complete trust. Anyway, when me and my boyfriend got back together, he asked me if we used protection. However for some reason that I will never understand, I lied and said that we did. I didn't want to make him worry any more than he already was.. i couldn't see him that way, and I honestly didn't think he would ever find out the truth. This was a huge mistake because not only did I lie to someone that I love (about something very important to him at that), but in a way I did put him in danger to get something from me. Anyway, i did lie more than once, he didn't just ask once, probably at least 5 times. Each time I said that we did in fact use protection. Long story short, yesterday he talked to the guy that I did this with, and found out the truth. He asked me if it was true, and I admitted to him that I lied. I'm very very afraid that he is going to leave me. And i don't think he's ever gonna trust me again. He is not one to hold grudges, and is very immature.. But I honestly don't think he's going to give me that chance. He never got mad, never even raised his voice. But he is very upset and hurt. Here are some of the things he said to me online through .. Alex:What you did was immature and immoral, and for that i will not forgive you. I will forget it eventually, but you lied to me and really hurt me Jey. I have been hurt before plenty of times, but not to the extent where it could effect my health. I pray for both of our sakes that we're ok. Alex: for u to watch me cry all those times, and for me to worry so much.. and not say anything jey Alex: im sorry, i dont believe a word that comes out of your mouth. I dont see how you could expect me to when i put all my trust on you and you took advantage of it. Alex: This isnt highschool, and this for sure isnt a television show. This is real life, and there are consequences for everything. You need to grow up, and quick ME: i dont know what to say, i feel like the worst person in the world. i dont know what to do right now, if i didnt know any better i'd kill myself. honestly, i love you more than anything. i dont know why i did this. i think i figured you would only be worried more than you had to be.. and i couldnt have that because i couldnt see you that way Alex: make an appointment tomorrow to get tested for everything we'll see where things go from there I don't know how I will every live with myself for lieing. But I definitely wont be able to live without him. Please help, if you think you know what I should do, or at least can tell me what you think is going to happen.. it would be greatly appreciated. Scared senseless, Jey
whichwayisup Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 He feels let down and I guess protection was one thing he thought you would be responsible for. I don't know what else to say except find peace somehow with what you did, stay healthy and maybe someday he'll forgive you. DO all you can to make it up to him and even if possible maybe go to couples counselling together. A bad error in judgement was made and there's no point into going into the "coulda shoulda woulda's" right now because even if you told him the truth to start, who knows if that would have freaked him out anyway. Just a double whammy the way things have played out for you. Sorry for what pain you're in. As I said, try to do everything possible to make it up to him. Also, you need to forgive yourself...Will be easier for you to move past this. IF you don't, this issue will haunt you for a very long time. Hope this helps, and keep posting.
Author xwisitxtreme Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 thank you, that helps =)
Outcast Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I'm very very afraid that he is going to leave me. And i don't think he's ever gonna trust me again. He is not one to hold grudges, and is very immature.. But I honestly don't think he's going to give me that chance. This is called consequences. Do you really think you deserve to be trusted? Have you sworn to yourself and mean it that you will never lie like this again or are you just upset because he's mad at you but still thinking it was OK to lie. The fact that you're not regretful except that it made him mad isn't good. You need to understand that you could be endangering both your lives, that AIDS death isn't pretty, and that you need to get a whole lot smarter and a whole lot more earnest fast.
Author xwisitxtreme Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 First, I need to correct a typo. I meant to say that he IS mature not immature. Secondly, I AM very remorseful for what I have done, not just because he is mad at me. Because I broke the trust and now I do have to live with the consequences. The "other" guy, was the only other sexual partner I have ever had in my life. I have been tested for HIV more than once, the most recent in august (both negative), and do understand the dangers. Believe me I am aware because I hear it all the time. Anyway, we did alot of long, serious talking today.. and everything is ok now. Well obviously it is going to be very different, and difficult.. but he is willing to try to make it work. Alex: and if u ever cheat on me, if we break up and u see someone else even if its my best friend or my brother or my father and you think its going to hurt me, u have to tell me and not worry about losing me. Because if it happens again, or if i ever have any inkling about u doing something, im leavingg you for good and u'll never see me again. That i promise you Jey. Im watching u very closely and analyzing everything u do now, so dont play with me because i have no problem wiht walking away THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!!
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