xwisitxtreme Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Please help! I am going crazy. First of all, I would like to introduce myself. My name is Jey, I'm and 18 year old male from NJ. Last September (around this time actually) I entered a relationship with another young man (now 19). The thing is that he got raped last summer (2004) and ever since, he has been paranoid about hiv and stds. He's gotten tested like 300 times... it's all he talks about. (not ALL.. but its a very sensitive subject) We then broke up in like mid October 2004. A couple weeks later he ended up dating someone else, until early December. Also in December, I had unprotected oral sex with another man. Anyway, in February, we got back together. We both knew of each other's other relationships and everything that occured between the gap. We have had an amazing relationship, gotten along very well, very comfortable with each other, almost complete trust. Anyway, when me and my boyfriend got back together, he asked me if we used protection. However for some reason that I will never understand, I lied and said that we did. I didn't want to make him worry any more than he already was.. i couldn't see him that way, and I honestly didn't think he would ever find out the truth. This was a huge mistake because not only did I lie to someone that I love (about something very important to him at that), but in a way I did put him in danger to get something from me. Anyway, i did lie more than once, he didn't just ask once, probably at least 5 times. Each time I said that we did in fact use protection. Long story short, yesterday he talked to the guy that I did this with, and found out the truth. He asked me if it was true, and I admitted to him that I lied. I'm very very afraid that he is going to leave me. And i don't think he's ever gonna trust me again. He is not one to hold grudges, and is very immature.. But I honestly don't think he's going to give me that chance. He never got mad, never even raised his voice. But he is very upset and hurt. Here are some of the things he said to me online through .. Alex:What you did was immature and immoral, and for that i will not forgive you. I will forget it eventually, but you lied to me and really hurt me Jey. I have been hurt before plenty of times, but not to the extent where it could effect my health. I pray for both of our sakes that we're ok. Alex: for u to watch me cry all those times, and for me to worry so much.. and not say anything jey Alex: im sorry, i dont believe a word that comes out of your mouth. I dont see how you could expect me to when i put all my trust on you and you took advantage of it. Alex: This isnt highschool, and this for sure isnt a television show. This is real life, and there are consequences for everything. You need to grow up, and quick ME: i dont know what to say, i feel like the worst person in the world. i dont know what to do right now, if i didnt know any better i'd kill myself. honestly, i love you more than anything. i dont know why i did this. i think i figured you would only be worried more than you had to be.. and i couldnt have that because i couldnt see you that way Alex: make an appointment tomorrow to get tested for everything we'll see where things go from there I don't know how I will every live with myself for lieing. But I definitely wont be able to live without him. Please help, if you think you know what I should do, or at least can you tell me what you think is going to happen? It would be greatly appreciated. Scared senseless, Jey
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