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Dinner with friend from college haven't seen in years - driving over 1 hour to see me

max3732

By max3732
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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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When I knew her while I was in college I had a girlfriend and she was a female classmates roommate. At the time there were a whole bunch of attractive women that would hang out there and if I wasn't dating someone at the time I would have asked her or a few other of the women there out.

 

It's been 5+ years since graduation and I'm only around where she lives a month or so every year. Last time I was in town I took her to dinner and really enjoyed seeing her, but that was over 3 years ago. When I got into town I asked her to dinner and she's driving over an hour to see me.

 

First off, would you consider this a date? As I posted before I have a lot of trouble trying initiate anything physical on a date, but I know I should try basic touches. Also, I know she has lost a lot of weight. Should I compliment her on it or say anything about it? She was a bit heavy, but still attractive before. Now according to her pictures on FB she looks amazing.

 

 

Any conversation tips or things to avoid talking about? Should I avoid the "have you talked to so and so" type conversations?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Not a date. A reunion with some potential to determine if there is a possibility of romance.

 

A 1 hour drive isn't that crazy.

 

You can talk about anything but if you feel a subject causing blood pressures & ire to rise stop talking about it.

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Depends on how she dresses....if she dresses sizzling hot like she would for a hot date, then yes there is a possibility.....if she is dressed for a regular outing then it's just a get-together.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Also, I know she has lost a lot of weight. Should I compliment her on it or say anything about it? She was a bit heavy, but still attractive before. Now according to her pictures on FB she looks amazing.?

 

"You look amazing! What's your secret!?"

 

Sounds like it's a date to me.

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Els Established Member

Els

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OP, I think you just need to pick up on her body language and social cues. Take her out to a nice dinner, see how the conversation flows. Treat her like a lady, walk her to her car, guide her with your hand in the small of her back as you walk if she's indicated that she's open to physical contact. You want her to know that you're viewing her in a more-than-platonic manner.

 

 

I don't think you need to avoid talking about anything in particular, just go with the flow. Don't overthink it too much.

 

 

 

Depends on how she dresses....if she dresses sizzling hot like she would for a hot date, then yes there is a possibility.....if she is dressed for a regular outing then it's just a get-together.

 

 

Not necessarily so. Personally, I avoid dressing super sexy on a first date, or in public in general really. It's not the kind of impression I'd want to give, especially to a potential LTR partner.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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OP, I think you just need to pick up on her body language and social cues. Take her out to a nice dinner, see how the conversation flows. Treat her like a lady, walk her to her car, guide her with your hand in the small of her back as you walk if she's indicated that she's open to physical contact. You want her to know that you're viewing her in a more-than-platonic manner.

 

 

I don't think you need to avoid talking about anything in particular, just go with the flow. Don't overthink it too much.

 

 

 

 

Not necessarily so. Personally, I avoid dressing super sexy on a first date, or in public in general really. It's not the kind of impression I'd want to give, especially to a potential LTR partner.

 

 

 

This isn't a first date. They have gone out before, and known each other for years.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Do not comment on her weight or weight loss. It's fine to say "You look great."

 

Don't know if it's a date or not. If she dresses up, I guess that's your best clue. If she wears jeans and sneakers, not a date. Hug her when she gets there. See how that goes. That would be acceptable whether it's a date or friend.

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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This isn't a first date. They have gone out before, and known each other for years.

 

I've only seen her once in the last 5 years. What makes the dynamics strange for me is that when I was in grad school she often saw me with my ex girlfriend and obviously I didn't act on any attraction for her or any of the other roommates. I'm already getting nervous, but will try and remain relaxed

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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OP, I think you just need to pick up on her body language and social cues. Take her out to a nice dinner, see how the conversation flows. Treat her like a lady, walk her to her car, guide her with your hand in the small of her back as you walk if she's indicated that she's open to physical contact. You want her to know that you're viewing her in a more-than-platonic manner.

.

 

As far as physical contact I'll definitely hug her when I great her and do my best to guide her by the small of her back. I don't know what else to do during dinner or as we're walking

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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As far as physical contact I'll definitely hug her when I great her and do my best to guide her by the small of her back. I don't know what else to do during dinner or as we're walking

 

Don't overthink it. If you're so focused on touching her that you aren't giving it your all in conversation, that will be creepy.

  • Like 4
gradh Member

gradh

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If she's worked hard to lose that weight, I'm sure she'd appreciate you saying "you look amazing!" and leave it at that. If she wants to talk about the weight loss, she will. Most people who have been working at weight loss love to hear that people think they are looking good and what they're doing is working.

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Els Established Member

Els

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This isn't a first date. They have gone out before, and known each other for years.

 

 

It is (or rather, potentially might be) their first date - they have never gone out on a date before.

 

 

Regardless, my point was that not all women dress super sexy if they like a man - it's not a very good indicator. Heck, some women dress sexy all the time without really liking the man...

 

 

 

As far as physical contact I'll definitely hug her when I great her and do my best to guide her by the small of her back. I don't know what else to do during dinner or as we're walking

 

 

Don't worry so much about the physical contact. I only mentioned that because you asked specifically about that. Forcing too much physical contact would feel creepy, IMO. Just focus on relaxing, going with the flow, and building a connection with her.

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max3732 Established Member

max3732

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To follow up I thought things went pretty well overall. I opened the door for her and finally got up the courage to guide her by the small of her back and she seemed receptive to it.

 

She did about 95% of the talking and stayed talking at the restaurant a lot later than I expected. It turns out we have some hobbies in common I didn't know about before.

 

She said she'd like to see me next time I'm in town so I think things went about as well as can be expected. It's still been about 7 or 8 years since my last kiss and I don't know how to initiate one with her next time I see her or anyone, but at least I was more confident while spending time with her.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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To follow up I thought things went pretty well overall. I opened the door for her and finally got up the courage to guide her by the small of her back and she seemed receptive to it.

 

She did about 95% of the talking and stayed talking at the restaurant a lot later than I expected. It turns out we have some hobbies in common I didn't know about before.

 

She said she'd like to see me next time I'm in town so I think things went about as well as can be expected. It's still been about 7 or 8 years since my last kiss and I don't know how to initiate one with her next time I see her or anyone, but at least I was more confident while spending time with her.

Aha! I have told people in the past to do that hand on the small of her back thing....you did alright. Make a planned date soon.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
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To follow up I thought things went pretty well overall. I opened the door for her and finally got up the courage to guide her by the small of her back and she seemed receptive to it.

 

She did about 95% of the talking and stayed talking at the restaurant a lot later than I expected. It turns out we have some hobbies in common I didn't know about before.

 

She said she'd like to see me next time I'm in town so I think things went about as well as can be expected. It's still been about 7 or 8 years since my last kiss and I don't know how to initiate one with her next time I see her or anyone, but at least I was more confident while spending time with her.

 

 

Happy to hear that!

 

 

Try and talk a bit more next time. ;)

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Thank you for updating us. Glad it went well.

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

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I agree that you shouldn't say something specific to her weight loss, just tell her she looks amazing/great (in general). That should make her feel better than calling attention to her weight. (even if you are saying weight loss, then there is a reminder that she was previously heavy/heavier so it's more polite and complimentary to just say you look really great.)

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