crazyguy123 Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 I love my girlfriend dearly. Although the issue is, she is very forceful of everything. She wants me to do everything with her. She wants me to sleepover practically ever night and stuff like that. I never get a break from her. We've been arguing here and there but the other day, she asked me to move in. I told her I wasn't ready to move in just yet because I have a lot of stuff on my plate and we haven't been dating for a year. Then she proceeded to say, "If i'm not ready now then I will never be ready." I lost it and yelled at her. I have never yelled at a girlfriend ever. She is so rude and disrespectful towards me. On my birthday, I was busy with family and I promised her I was going to see her at night after I was with family. I couldn't get to my phone to message her back as fast as she'd like. Then she canceled on me last minute. We argued about it the other day and she said she doesn't like how unresponsive I was when I was with family. That's about it. I just wanted to rant. I am so upset. Last time we talked was on Sunday
BaileyB Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 (edited) I love my girlfriend dearly. I’m not really sure why... “I love my girlfriend dearly, BUT she is demanding, dismissive, disrespectful, controlling, manipulative, and verbally aggressive.” Life lesson - you teach people how to treat you. Your girlfriend seems to think that if she just yells loud enough and tells you what to do, she will get her way. And, it seems based on the title of the thread, that she is right. Nobody can force someone to move in with them. If you are not happy in a relationship, and it sounds like you are VERY unhappy, there is nothing saying that you have to stay with that person... you always have the option to leave. Edited February 22, 2019 by BaileyB 2
edgygirl Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 She sounds very needy and needs a reality check. The problem is, it usually takes years for someone to "get it", and they have to see it themselves. I am not sure if talking with her about it would make her get it. She would only rationalize why every single thing she's complained about makes sense (to her). 1
bathtub-row Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 The arguments alone are big, fat red flags. Controlling and disrespectful people only get worse as the relationship progresses. They have a way of making you think it's something you did, something you can fix. You can't. She's broken and her way of dealing with you is to have you walking on eggshells. Run, don't walk, away from this person. 1
MsJayne Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 How can you love this person at all, let alone 'dearly'? She's immature and self-absorbed, and if you moved in with her you'd be smothered by her selfishness and controlling behaviour. I'm not surprised you started yelling at her, what does surprise me is that you didn't yell much sooner. My advice is....take ages to answer her texts, and when she starts nagging and bitching at you seize the moment and dump her. You'll be better off and she may learn a lesson about being an a-hole.
bathtub-row Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 I just caught the 'forces me to move in' comment. You know, she can't force you to move in. That's completely ridiculous. What's she's forcing is a decision - move in with her or break up with her. To me, the choice is blatantly obvious.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 She can't force you to do anything, OP. You have the right to say no. The problem is that you seem to be conceding to her, given that you haven't yet ended this relationship. I can't fathom why you want to be with someone like this, but if you choose to, you know what you're signing up for.
elaine567 Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 This 24/7 close style of dating is what she wants and I guess on some level it is what you wanted too, else you would have left already. Now it is becoming a claustrophobic situation and you are feeling suffocated. I guess it is probably over anyway. She went out on a limb and asked you to move in, a big relationship step and you ended up yelling at her... Not only did you refuse her offer, you weren't particularly nice about it either. She wants to be in a relationship where you live in each other's pockets and whilst some may see that as unhealthy, it is fine if it is what both want and both are happy living that way. BUT here it is not what you want, so you need to make that crystal clear, if she ever gets back to you...
Redhead14 Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 Last time we talked was on Sunday Make Sunday the last time . . . EVER. I don't like the idea of ghosting an established relationship, but this is not a relationship. This is a dictatorship. I say grow a set and revolt. Block, delete, forget.
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 She's an immature clingy bully & you are bad at setting boundaries. Until you can calmly stick up for yourself, this won't work. You are already looking for daylight so she's doubling down & trying harder to hang on to you by "forcing" you to move in. She is right about one thing, you will probably never be ready to move in with her because she's so controlling & selfish. 1
todreaminblue Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 explain to her you feel disrespected.... tell her you dont want to move in so its a no not now...... explain to her that you are unhappy and how you are unhappy... tell her how you feel...using "i feel" rather than "you make me do this or that".... open the dialogue and communication between the two of you..... be honest be open most of aLL be true to you and your beliefs your values your ideals.....your feelings your emotions....your personal space.........and if she staYS and wants more of the same and keeps up the honest communication without demanding and or arguing, preferring to discussions where she can also share openly her feelings the same way you do..... you know then she cares for exactly who you are..and then its worth working on the relationship....good luck....deb 1
smackie9 Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 I know someone who has a GF just like yours....she used to wake him up at 1am screaming at him, "where's my ring" she was wanting to get engaged/married because all her friends were. She used to try and bust into the bathroom because she didn't want him wackin off...she was jealous of the hand..oh yes. He ended up having two kids with her, still not married yet. I guess the kids will keep her happy for now.
BettyDraper Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Why are you allowing yourself to be emotionally abused? She's treating you like this because she knows that you will put up with it. Dump her.
preraph Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 I agree that it's up to you to set boundaries. I'm glad you yelled at her. I think you don't have to yell, but you need to put your foot down way more often. She's not your mother. You can say no to her. She sounds overly clingy and very controlling. Do you want to live your life under her thumb? What if she gets pregnant and you're tied to her the rest of your life?
mortensorchid Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 I knew a gal like her, or it sounds like. She demanded, threw tantrums, etc. She forced this guy to marry her about 20 years ago, she was always demanding because she was in command not him. They're divorced now, imagine that. Don't end up like her now ex husband, with a shrew. Be with a woman who respects you and doesn't have an agenda as to what she wants rather than what you want. This is not an equal partnership.
The Dude Abides Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 CrazyGuy Yikes ! With a girlfriend like that, who needs a psycho crazy PITA ex-wife ??!! :eek: You can't really think that this is the way good, healthy BF/GF relationships work?
TheFinalWord Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 I know someone who has a GF just like yours....she used to wake him up at 1am screaming at him, "where's my ring" she was wanting to get engaged/married because all her friends were. She used to try and bust into the bathroom because she didn't want him wackin off...she was jealous of the hand..oh yes. He ended up having two kids with her, still not married yet. I guess the kids will keep her happy for now. :eek: That's nuts! OP, I don't know how you handle that man. I would be gone...
littleblackheart Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 You have started a negative cycle that you are just as responsible for as she is. No matter how controlling and disrespectful she is, screaming at her, being passive aggressive and stonewalling her is on you. You need to be accountable for your own part in this situation. You can't do anything about how she conducts herself, that's on her. She told you what she wants; she seemingly won't change her mind. If you don't want to move in with her and you don't like how she's treating you, stand your ground. That's all you have to do. Don't stay and hope she'll 'calm down' (that's stringing her along, now you know what she wants) or because you fear you won't find someone else to be with (that would be a bit selfish, tbh).
Mrs._December Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 I love my girlfriend dearly. Although the issue is, she is very forceful of everything. She wants me to do everything with her. She wants me to sleepover practically ever night and stuff like that. I never get a break from her. We've been arguing here and there but the other day, she asked me to move in. I told her I wasn't ready to move in just yet because I have a lot of stuff on my plate and we haven't been dating for a year. Then she proceeded to say, "If i'm not ready now then I will never be ready." I lost it and yelled at her. I have never yelled at a girlfriend ever. She is so rude and disrespectful towards me. On my birthday, I was busy with family and I promised her I was going to see her at night after I was with family. I couldn't get to my phone to message her back as fast as she'd like. Then she canceled on me last minute. We argued about it the other day and she said she doesn't like how unresponsive I was when I was with family. That's about it. I just wanted to rant. I am so upset. Last time we talked was on Sunday You need to march yourself right over to her purse, open it up and root around in it until you find your balls. 1
edgygirl Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Where's the :lmao: button? Almost spit out my coffe I know someone who has a GF just like yours....she used to wake him up at 1am screaming at him, "where's my ring" she was wanting to get engaged/married because all her friends were. She used to try and bust into the bathroom because she didn't want him wackin off...she was jealous of the hand..oh yes.
The Dude Abides Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 You need to march yourself right over to her purse, open it up and root around in it until you find your balls. Mrs. December !! :lmao:
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