Ruk Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 Me: 31 her: 27 I made a post a few weeks ago asking for advice and explained in detail my breakup. I got great advice and have been going NC for a few weeks. Been going to the gym, eating healthy, not drinking alcohol, and starting to feel better about myself. However she texted me two nights ago saying some things about she is happy about a post I made on Instagram were I spent the day with my niece and she said it was really nice to see blah blah blah. She is going on a 10 day trip but said when she gets back she wants to meet up "because she has some of my stuff to give me back and wants to pick up her stuff from my cottage that she left there". I did not reply to her message. It's also her birthday next week. So my questions are: 1) do I send a simple happy birthday text on her birthday or no? 2) when she gets back from her trip she is bound to message me about getting her stuff. Do I reply? And if I do say yes come get it how should I handle that situation? I want to keep NC because I believe in the concept but this seems like I have to let her come get her stuff.
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 First you are not in NC if you are still connected on social media. Unfriend, unfollow & block. If you are in the habit of sending Happy Birthday message to people you used to know go ahead & send one to her. Personally I don't bother about people who are not in my life & would advise you against this. Get her stuff over to her now, immediately before she leaves. Exchanging the stuff should have already happened because you can't implement NC until the business between you is concluded & that is giving the stuff back. The stuff & the happy birthday are symbols. You are still holding on & these threads are your way back in. 1
PegNosePete Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 Do you know what no contact means? If so then the answer to your questions should be obvious. 1) do I send a simple happy birthday text on her birthday or no? No. 2) when she gets back from her trip she is bound to message me about getting her stuff. Do I reply? And if I do say yes come get it how should I handle that situation? I want to keep NC because I believe in the concept but this seems like I have to let her come get her stuff. You should not wait for her to go away and come back. You should put her stuff in the mail and tell her to do the same with yours. If the stuff is too big to mail then you should box it up and tell her to come and pick it up tomorrow and bring your stuff, or else you can drop off her stuff and pick up yours tomorrow. Don't go in for a cup of tea and a chat. Just swap stuff over the door threshold and leave. 1
BC1980 Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 Like everyone said, you're not doing NC. You need to tie up loose ends before you can go NC. Return all personal belongings. Then, you have to disconnect on social media.
Whodatdog Posted February 25, 2019 Posted February 25, 2019 NC is not NC unless you commit to NC. Have a friend pick up her stuff and take it to her and pick up your stuff. She's wanting to see you to make herself feel better, not you. Stick with NC. Theres a reason it works.
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