guest569 Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 If been on a couple of dates and they ask again over text but you’re not feeling attracted. Do I just hit reply and say “I just want to be friends “ Or just say no thanks. Hard to say without sounding horrible.
nospam99 Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 If been on a couple of dates and they ask again over text but you’re not feeling attracted. Do I just hit reply and say “I just want to be friends “ Or just say no thanks. Hard to say without sounding horrible. Yes, rejecting someone makes me feel horrible, worse than when I am rejected. Being a guy, I've always been off the hook (so far - this time - see next paragraph). Though I get unsolicited messages (and Likes and Meet Me's) on OLD, I haven't had a woman who actually met me ask for a date (LOL - how unattractive does THAT make me sound?). If it happens, I would intend to reply with a brief and polite 'no thanks'. Did happen once 'in a previous life' 40 years ago. I had the perfect excuse that I was exclusive at the time (happened at work and the woman had no way to know I was attached). She was a nice person, but not attractive enough that I would have wanted to date her. Like I said, I was lucky that I didn't have to lie about already being attached.
Wallysbears Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 "Thank you but I'm not interested. I wish you well" is a completely appropriate turn down for a date. 3
Redhead14 Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 If been on a couple of dates and they ask again over text but you’re not feeling attracted. Do I just hit reply and say “I just want to be friends “ Or just say no thanks. Hard to say without sounding horrible. Assuming that the other party is an adult, if they are dating people, they should be able to understand and accept facts regarding dating. They will not be everyone's cup of tea and vice versa. "Xname, I had a nice time, but I don't think we are a good match. All the best to you in your search". Be to the point and respectful. It is not your job to manage them and their emotions. They just need to deal wid it. If they fall apart over someone they only went out on a couple of dates with, they have "issues" that need to be dealt with before they go out on more dates.
Author guest569 Posted February 21, 2019 Author Posted February 21, 2019 I’m not worried about managing their emotions or reaction. It’s more the wording that is tricky. He is chatty and sent a lengthy chit chat text followed by asking out. So I feel like it’s hard to just say “sorry not interested” and I think we would make awesome friends.
d0nnivain Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 Do not make an insincere offer of friendship. Suggesting friendship when the guy wants romance is cruel. Just say no thanks, I'm not feeling it & move on. If you see each other in real life be cordial but that is about it. 3
preraph Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 Don't offer to be friends. Tell him, You are going to make a great guy for someone, but you're not the right guy for me. Wishing you the best of luck. Let's both focus on finding the right person now. Then don't answer any more texts. 2
T-Rexus Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 Thank you ladies! When a guy is romantically interested in you do not offer your friendship as some sort of consolation prize. 4
preraph Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 Yeah, it's giving them false hope. Some of then naively think a woman would say that because she's "shy" or virginal or something and they hope that what she meant is she needs to be friends first, but that's not it. A woman will not reject a guy she even thinks she might actually be into romantically. She will just let it ride until she knows.
Author guest569 Posted February 21, 2019 Author Posted February 21, 2019 Ok thanks I’ll just tell him to eff off It’s not an insincere offer of friendship. But whatever. I don’t even know if he wants me either.
Author guest569 Posted February 21, 2019 Author Posted February 21, 2019 Thank you ladies! When a guy is romantically interested in you do not offer your friendship as some sort of consolation prize. That’s not what I am doing. I legit want friendship and I rather be honest. I wish people could be more objective on here.. stop making unfair judgements about me and labelling me as an insincere moron.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 21, 2019 Posted February 21, 2019 Basically write out a reply note that you save on your phone ... and then you can edit it for each individual. The note should say something like this ... (btw: people on this site have reported getting notes like this ... Hi, I had a good time at dinner/lunch with you the other night. You seem like a great person.(Only say the previous sentence if you really mean it--otherwise, you'll confuse the other person.) But unfortunately (you can skip "unfortunately" if you want) I didn't feel like we had the kind of romantic connection required for dating. I wish you well. Some people use "chemistry" in place of "type of connection." Play with the wording that you feel comfortable with ... But just make sure your lack of interest comes through. No, do not offer friendship ... unless that seemed really natural. (Sometimes it does ... especially early on if the person hasn't developed deep feelings for you yet.) Don't be specific in what you didn't like about the person ... but make clear there was no spark/chemistry/romantic connection. One thing to make you feel less guilty in writing these notes: ... A good "no interest" (better than "rejection" note is so helpful to the recipient in the sense that ... OMG, it took notes like this for me to calibrate a good date from a bad ... I was interpreting all polite dates as possibilities ... And then I learned ... Good luck.
Author guest569 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 He got the impression anyway and is happy to be friends. In No way was I cruel or misleading: we met twice. There was no romance.
MaleIntuition Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 He got the impression anyway and is happy to be friends. In No way was I cruel or misleading: we met twice. There was no romance. There was no romantic feelings - on your part. He wanted a third date - that means he want more than friendship. If you continue this he will not be a true friend but an “orbiter”. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 22, 2019 Posted February 22, 2019 Ok thanks I’ll just tell him to eff off It’s not an insincere offer of friendship. But whatever. I don’t even know if he wants me either. UGH. There is a middle ground between an offer of friendship & telling somebody to eff off. It's called tact. When I said an insincere offer I didn't mean that you were two-faced. I meant that it is not real friendship. You are not going to talk everyday & share intimacies about your life. He doesn't want to know you are dating other men. He wants to be the one dating you. If your BFF was on a diet would you show up at her house every day with cake, candy & ice cream? I hope not. Offering "friendship" -- a pale ghost of what he wants: romance -- is similarly cruel. Don't dangle in front of him the very thing he can't have: you. You think you are being compassionate because you are trying to soften the blow but it makes it worse. You want to be nice. You claim the offer is legit. In your mind it probably is but we are trying to tell you it's unworkable. Plus once you do get a new romance, your new SO will not tolerate you being friends with somebody you used to date. Then you will disappear on the guy. Or you will be back here posting on LS crying about how your new SO is trying to manipulate you because he won't let you be friends with your EX. The SO will know the truth. The EX still wants you & will jump all over the opportunity to console you when the new SO walks. Because people say "let's be friends" after a break up the phrase has turned into the opposite. At best it means, I don't want drama. It is truly cruel to be kind. Say no thank you & wish him well. But stop with the false hope. 2
Author guest569 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 Lol ok I appreciate the input but I think y’all are overreacting. Donni, the thing that annoyed me was “insincere offer” because I genuinely want a friendship. I’m not trying to soften a blow. I’m not looking for a “girlfriend to share intimate details with”. Not living in each other’s pockets. We talk about some specific geek topics and are both musicians so we want to do some cool stuff together as we are both lacking in friends who like to go and do stuff. I expressed early in our online interactions (and our profiles show this) “I noticed your profile says that you’re looking for a relationship but I’m not sure what I’m looking for and just want to get out and meet people”. We met twice. I would hardly say he is “someone I used to date”. If any SO has an issue with male friends I know exactly how to handle it because you know my thoughts on bs inappropriate friendships and this ain’t one. I won’t be “on here crying” don’t tell me about tact and go on some dramatic rant about what you think may happen when you have no clue. Don’t tell me what I think. In no way do I see this as “I’m being compassionate” I don’t make friendships out of compassion I do it cause I’m a human being and I like people around me.. If he can’t handle friendship it’s really up to him. If he starts being a twat then I will leave the friendship. Sheesh massive dramatic overreaction. I’m a very open book and very blunt and honest so there ain’t false hope.
Author guest569 Posted February 22, 2019 Author Posted February 22, 2019 Yeah, it's giving them false hope. Some of then naively think a woman would say that because she's "shy" or virginal or something and they hope that what she meant is she needs to be friends first, but that's not it. A woman will not reject a guy she even thinks she might actually be into romantically. She will just let it ride until she knows. That is on them. For making false assumptions and not respecting women as human beings. Maybe those naive people will take a lesson from it and believe people when they say 'no'. *shrugs*
TheFinalWord Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 Just something simple like I'm am sorry I am not feeling the chemistry between us. I don't really think you owe anyone a long winded explanation unless you have been intimate and have history, etc. I wouldn't mention the friendship part. Most men don't wan platonic friendship with a woman they are interested in romantically.
Author guest569 Posted February 23, 2019 Author Posted February 23, 2019 Just something simple like I'm am sorry I am not feeling the chemistry between us. I don't really think you owe anyone a long winded explanation unless you have been intimate and have history, etc. I wouldn't mention the friendship part. Most men don't wan platonic friendship with a woman they are interested in romantically. Thanks! I kept it short and simple, no need to go into any detail. I know that's what I prefer when I'm being rejected, short and clear. I guess we were so early on that he might not even be interested romantically (some guys reject me and I am 'meh' about it anyway and could be friends, others I'm gutted), that's why I mentioned friendship anyways and we'll see how it goes. I have solid boundaries with friends and no issue in cutting him off if he is inappropriate.
alphamale Posted February 23, 2019 Posted February 23, 2019 If been on a couple of dates and they ask again over text but you’re not feeling attracted. Do I just hit reply and say “I just want to be friends “ Or just say no thanks. Hard to say without sounding horrible. make like Casper and ghost them, it's the easiest way for everyone
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