Crush followed me home?!!?

[Aus]

So this is weird. I’ve been infatuated with this guy at gym for almost a year now, I’ve introduced myself and made it pretty obvious that am interested, he never did anything, except say “hello, how are you?” to the point of exhaustion. Fast forward to 2019 and I change my routine so that I don’t run into him anymore, because out of sight….. amiright? I only see him on Fridays now and it absolutely helps. He still greets me and is still freaking HOT, but I’m a little less “affected”

 

Yesterday, as I’m walking towards the gym entrance, I spot his car. Now understand this is NOT his time, (it’s MY time dammit!) I did a triple take to make sure it’s his car and then continued towards the entrance, heart pounding. I looked around but didn’t spot him, when I went to check, his car it was gone. I brushed it off. An hour later I’m done and driving home, and as I turned a corner, I spotted his car two cars behind mine, as I turned into the street I live on, I saw his car sort of pausing on the corner of my street. Rest assured I live in a street with loads of flats and ample security, so I am not really afraid of him following me “home” per se.

 

My thinking is that he asked about me from the gym staff and they told him that I come in the afternoons now and around what time. But who knows? What boggles my mind is why on earth he resorted to this very NOT sexy M.O. of stalker. I’ve given him ample opportunity to ask me out and get to know me, but he never took the conversation past Hello how are you. The few times I tried to engage him, he gave me one-word answers, so I didn’t want to keep humiliating myself. It’s such a cluster ****. I’ve seen him engage with other people at the gym, some of them very good-looking women, so it’s clearly just me that brings out this dysfunctional / shy persona.

 

I guess I am looking for someone to assure me that this stalking behaviour is not so weird or bad and that I should give him the benefit of the doubt, because I have invested so much time and headspace into this guy. Sidenote: I look amazing because I went to gym so diligently and that I can thank him for, so there’s that. But WTF do I do with this information now? Because something’s gotta give. I won’t confront him directly about the stalking thing, period, we’ve all had moments of crazy and I can empathise with his actions, for now, if it becomes a regular thing, then authorities will be notified.

 

I’m confused, this was definitely a turn off but also weirdly flattering? Any input is appreciated

Edited February 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[d0nnivain]

That is too creepy. Anybody who would do this rather than something more conventional like talk to you has a screw lose & should be avoided. Write down his license plate so you have it. Next time you see his car, get cel phone photo & report this to the police.

[lurker74]

First, are you sure he was following you and it wasn't coincidence? If so, then I imagine what happened is that though he wasn't interested, he liked the attention and wondered where it went, which led to some very questionable behavior. Regardless, it seems creepy and if it happens again, you might want to say something to him.

[Aus]

If I only saw his car parked at the gym, I would've written it off as coincidence, but to see him an hour later, still in the vicinity? Nah, I ran several sanity checks last night, and I'm confident he was "lurking" haha

Edited February 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote of prior post

[Purepony]

I doubt he was following you because like you said you have have him opportunities and other women get him to engage so I think it’s a coincidence

[CantGetEnuff]

I always try to figure out someone's alleged motivation when trying to analyze their behavior and forecast future behavior.

 

You've said:

 

1) He's never given you the time of day.

2) He is great-looking.

3) He gets tons of attention from other hot women at the gym.

4) You are giving him a LOT of your headspace (spotting his car, for example) and you apparently think about him constantly, so maybe you want/hope for him to be 'stalking' you?

 

I mean, given the above, what would be his motivation for disrupting his own routine and following you around in the middle of the day? Answer is either, "He would have no motivation at all," or "He is a weirdo."

 

Now definitely keep your awareness up, as I'm sure you will, but I'm guessing it was just a coincidence. (Unless it happens again)

[Wallysbears]

This guy isn't stalking you. I think you are reading WAY too much into this.

[JuneL]

Sounds more like you’re the one stalking the guy. How did you even know which was his car?

[stillafool]

I would be completely turned off and somewhat afraid. He's weird as hell. If he wanted to get to know you he has had more than enough opportunity to do so at the gym. This is a total turn off.

[Versacehottie]

I'm not sure by your account if he was following you but if you are sure then I would be turned off. Even hot guys can be weird.

 

As to why he would do this now after many chances with you before, sometimes people get intrigued once someone is out of their reach.

[kendahke]

Ted Bundy was supposedly hot, too...

 

Not enough info to tell if he was stalking you--could be he knows someone in your area, since there are loads of flats where you live. And it could be there is something wrong with him. Just be aware of your surroundings and quit being so distracted by the possibility of making him your boyfriend.

[olivetree]

From what you write it's not clear that he was following you.

 

However, he sounds incredibly dull.

[preraph]

It's creepy. He has some level of social dysfunction to be doing this instead of just asking you for coffee. I had it happen to me with a kid at a brake shop who was assigned to drive me home. I was 30 years older than him and he started stalking me. I told him to stop when he popped up in line behind me at McDonald's and he did.

 

This guy could be a genuine creeper, so be careful. You know, that's how rapes happen. Remember, rape is not about sex. It's about control and living out some psychosexual violence, so rapists may not even really want consensual sex but often pick someone and then do it their way, like stalking and ambushing so they can see the shock and horror on the person's face.

 

Do you have security at all at your building? If so, alert them. Take a photo of the guy or find one on Facebook and give it to them. Don't keep a crush on this guy. If he wasn't messed up, he'd be just asking you out, not surveilling you. Stalkers can be very dangerous. They're not lovesick; they're just plain sick.

 

Keep a log just in case he doesn't stop and you have to notify police. Times and dates and where and what.

[TheFinalWord]

This is a tough one because on one hand, it does seem odd. But on the other, it sounds like you're the one obsessed with him, and in actuality he could care less. It makes it hard to know if you are connecting non-existent dots. I mean you re-arrange your entire life for a guy at the gym? I've seen tons of hot women at the gym, but I don't ever care to do anywhere near this level of effort to figure out their patterns, create stories in my mind, re-arrange my schedule so I don't see them, etc. It's hard to not also think you are creating this situation due to your level of obsession.

 

Why not ask the front desk staff if he indeed did ask about you? I'd do that before going any further with the authorities. My bet is he didn't ask about you.

[snowboy91]

Let's rewind quite a bit. You were infatuated with him for a year and you never asked him out? Some guys are really oblivious to what seems like obvious interest from a woman. Or he's just super shy around you because he's also really attracted to you. What's stopping you from asking him out already?

 

There could be any number of reasons he is near your street. He might have a friend or family member that lives nearby. You know nothing unless you actually try and get to know the guy. I'll admit some of the scary responses here have a little merit, but there are precautions you can take to avoid trouble. Meet him somewhere public if you're worried.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you're really reaching here, OP, and looking for signs where there really aren't any.

 

You don't know him, and thus have no idea why he changed the day he went to the gym. It could be anything from his work schedule to having a date on the day he usually comes. Heck, maybe his girlfriend has been wanting to spend more time with him on whatever day so he's changed things around to accommodate her. My point is that there are several other plausible reasons he was there that have nothing to do with you.

 

The same goes for why he was in your area afterwards. For all you know, he could have a friend or relative around there. It might not have even been his car.

 

In other words, you've got essentially no evidence at this point to conclude that he was following you or being creepy. You've still got a crush on him so you've written a story in your head that supports your hope that he's expressing interest. I just don't see it.

[Aus]

thanks everyone, your advise is valuable.

A couple of things for clarity.

I used to go to gym at 5 in the AM. which is why I know what car he drives, we would sometimes arrive at the same time, and there's not that many cars around so early. His car is also an unusual shape, one of those turbo things that are easily distinguishable from the regular models, even for a female.

 

I now go after work, at around 5 in the PM

 

We we're "flirting" pretty consistently, and by flirting I mean smiling and saying 'hello, how are you" ( I am pretty shy and without makeup in sweaty gym attire, even more so. I suspect he suffers from the same affliction, handsome men can be shy, right?) and things looked as though it was going somewhere, I noticed that he sought me out, for instance, when I did laps in the swimming pool he suddenly started stretching right in front of the lane that I was swimming in. He's never in the stretching area, like ever.

 

I was dating someone else for a bit and took off gym for a few weeks, because winter, because sex = calories burned. When i returned from my hiatus he came and stood almost right in front of the treadmill I was running on and looking at me with this "Where were you" look on his face, but again not saying anything. ffaaaaaa. so frustrating!!

 

There are quite a few of these examples where it's quite apparent that he also liked, were interested or at the very least curious about me. So I didn't exactly make it all up inside my head.

 

 

When I returned from a month's long vacay abroad and got another generic greeting from him, I decided that I cannot spend another year like this, so I changed my routine, because I am human, quite sensitive, I like him and hope floats, you know. Which brought me to the story that played out on Tuesday.

 

Things plateaued, fizzled out, or something.... and when I changed my routine, perhaps it triggered something in him, like some of you suggested.

 

This is also why I won't ask the staff about him, because they are bound to mention that to him, and then I might com-bust. You know what, I think I will ask this one staff member I'm friendly with, thanks @snowboy

 

I made the security at my place aware and they put me at ease, so thanks to those expressing concern in that regard.

 

Stay tuned

[JuneL]

When I was in high school, one time I went to the store nearby to pick up something quick and, on my way to the store, I saw a guy in the same school who was known to have a big crush on my sister. We didn’t really say hi, as we were not even acquaintances (though we knew of each other). Guess what, the next day, his buddy asked why I was “following him” the day before To this day, I’m still not sure whether the guy made up the story to impress his buddy or whether he genuinely thought I was following him

[Wallysbears]

Honestly, none of the behavior you describe sounds at all like flirting. It sounds like he was just being jovial/pleasant/friendly to a fellow gym goer.

 

If a guy is truly interested in you, you won't have to wonder. He will make it known.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

Yesterday, as I’m walking towards the gym entrance, I spot his car. Now understand this is NOT his time, (it’s MY time dammit!) I did a triple take to make sure it’s his car and then continued towards the entrance, heart pounding. I looked around but didn’t spot him, when I went to check, his car it was gone. I brushed it off. An hour later I’m done and driving home, and as I turned a corner, I spotted his car two cars behind mine, as I turned into the street I live on, I saw his car sort of pausing on the corner of my street. Rest assured I live in a street with loads of flats and ample security, so I am not really afraid of him following me “home” per se.

 

You're positive it was his car 2 cars behind you? Is it possible he lives near you or your house is on his way home (or anywhere else?)?

[JuneL]

You're positive it was his car 2 cars behind you? Is it possible he lives near you or your house is on his way home (or anywhere else?)?

 

To add, did you see the license plate or the driver? For starters, he’s not the only person driving that model/color/make. I sometimes mistook another car to be my own in a big parking garage/lot from a few meters away.

[Aus]

You're positive it was his car 2 cars behind you? Is it possible he lives near you or your house is on his way home (or anywhere else?)?

I am very sure, as mentioned earlier his car is quite rare. I mean of course it's possible, but the coincidence of seeing him at the gym and then an hour later behind me on my way home?

I will keep my eyes peeled for similar coincidences.....

[Aus]

To add, did you see the license plate or the driver? For starters, he’s not the only person driving that model/color/make. I sometimes mistook another car to be my own in a big parking garage/lot from a few meters away.

yeah, 100%

 

the vehicle also has a telltale dent at the back.

 

WHAT? don;t look at me like that, I'm observant okay.... haha

[Aus]

Honestly, none of the behavior you describe sounds at all like flirting. It sounds like he was just being jovial/pleasant/friendly to a fellow gym goer.

 

If a guy is truly interested in you, you won't have to wonder. He will make it known.

mmmm, I checked, I did put "flirting"in air quotes

[stillafool]

I don't think "smiling and saying hi" is considered flirting. It's merely acknowledging another person. You read too much into normal behavior.