freakyschizogirl Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I have been in my first relationship with a man for 7 months. We are both 20 and neither of us has been in a serious long-term relationship before. We both met when we started at the same job. He was coy and quiet, yet funny when he did speak and I thought quite cute. 7 wonderful months later and we are starting to annoy each other. And it’s breaking my heart. Basically, he has dyspraxia, which is like dyslexia, but it affects memory and movement, so he can’t tie his shoelaces and is quiet forgetful. I think he has been treated like a baby by his family cos he still acts like a little child. Some times I enjoy this cos it makes me feel young, but sometimes I just wish he could be more grown up. We spend all of our extra time together and we see each other at work. And he rings me everyday without fail. But he is so paranoid that another man is gonna entice me away even though I don’t ever want another man. He always rings me all the time for hours. He always apologises, he always says sorry for everything even If he has done nothing wrong. He ALWAYS asks if I love him and if I've missed him. I don’t get a chance to miss him cos he is always ringing me. I've suggested a week’s break, while I'm off work with lethargy. My friends and sister says I need a break or to leave him, I’m so confused. I could happily spend the rest of my life with him, I just wish he would learn to drive a car (cos he has one sitting on his driveway) and he previously failed his theory by 1 point! And is too stubborn to practice again. And I wish he would be more sensible cos If I wanna have kids with him and I am seriously thinking about It I need to know he Is gonna be able to support me. What should I do?
feejane Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 One of the most important things in a relationship, besides trust, is respect. If you do not respect this guy you should not be with him. You will unwittingly break his self confidence down further by getting frustrated with him. For a girl it is natural to think about boyfriends as a potential life partners, but don't rush into it with just anyone, especially as you are finding faults with him that annoy you at this stage of the day, they should be endearing! - and it sounds like you would not be happy if you spent the rest of your life with him. It just sounds like you want to spend the rest of your life with someone - Don't settle for just anyone.
fundamental Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 He sounds like a "nice" guy. If you have no respect for him and cannot deal with his habits, then it is probably best to end things with him....or take a break like your sister and friends suggested.
Author freakyschizogirl Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 Its not that i dont respect him. And i do find many things about him endearing. He is amazing, and isnt just some one i would "settle with" I suggested we have a weeks break, and he agreed. But i really dont know what to do in the long run.
whichwayisup Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I think he is who is he and part of who is he can't be changed. The dyspraxia he has won't go away, possibly he can make more efforts and learn new ways of reminding himself of things, but all in all this is it. You have to accept the situation as it is or maybe think about finding somebody else. At 20 you're young still to be forever. See how you feel after the week is up.
Author freakyschizogirl Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 I dunno, maybe we are doomed to split, i just cant accept that its over...I love him so much. I know that nobody could ever love me the way he does. He sees me as perfect and i hate pointing out his faults. i feel so unreasonable. Argh! i wish i knew what to do.
Outcast Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 And I wish he would be more sensible If his problems are caused by dyspraxia, he can't just become more sensible and likely never will be. So either you love him exactly as he is without wishing he was someone else or else you find someone who fits your checklist.
housebaby Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 There is no such thing as "perfect". If he thinks that you are perfect - he's dillusioned....NOBODY is perfect. And it is only making matters worse that you realise that he has flaws-and he's not picking up on yours. His idolizing of you is not healthy, since it seems he would put you on a pedistal and when it's not reciprocated exactly the same way - he probably thinks you don't love him as much as he loves you, and in comes the insecurity (constant calls, and affirmation of feelings). I would say that at 20, you are still young - and should still count of a few broken hearts (yours and theirs) before you decide to settle and have kids. A side point: Having children is not something to be taken lightly. At 25, I have an 8 year old daughter (yep, had her after my 17th bday)...at the time I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and who I would spend the rest of my life with - fast forward 6 months and I realised that he was wrong for me and now I am a single mom....IT'S NOT EASY (rewarding yes, easy: no).... just some food for thought! Good Luck!
Author freakyschizogirl Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Thank you house baby, you are right. I wasnt thinking about having kids with him now, just ten years down the line. I like the way he is now, i'm just thinking about the future. if i do want kids with him one day. i wouldnt be able to cope with a kid and a childish husband. Its not that i dont love him, cos i do SO much. But i do think he idolises me and puts me on a pedistal. I guess i am settling with him in a way, cos he does adore me so much i feel lucky to have a man who loves me flaws and all. He is the only man to really show an interest in me. i have had offers from men in the past but they wernt right for me. I know i will never find anyone who loves me as deeply and unconditionally as he does.
Author freakyschizogirl Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Do you think its possible fopr ex's to be good friends tho? cos i dont want him out of my life, cos is such a lovely bloke.
Recommended Posts