reefy86 Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) Hey guys i just wanted some advice as i am new to dating after coming from a long relationship and getting hurt. I met her online on tinder about a week and a half ago and we got on really well, we then met for the first on sunday evening for a drink and some food. I got there 10 mins before she did and was very nervous she was too but when she came in and come up to me i instantly liked her and i dont do that easy. We spoke for 2 hrs and she was lovely. At the end she said she had to go grab her daughter and get home as she gets up at 6am we then both hugged and i said we should do it again and she said yes. Anyways i was in doubt if i should message her because i don't want to come across pushy or clingy but she messaged me saying she had a lovely time and she had just got home this was at 10pm. She then asked me if i had facebook and if i would like to add her to which i did. The next day neither of us measaged each other so i did around 4pm asking how she was and she replied back an hr later saying she was fine but she just had her family dog put to sleep so i replied with a oh no sorry to hear that I'm here if you want to talk as i webt through it twice in the last few months. She did tell me on the date her family dog was ill and is 14 and she is a big dog lover. Anyways i also messaged her due to advice from friends about meeting again but i did say that was the wrong time to ask she read it but replied hrs later with a yes that would be nice that was it. I measaged her again a few hrs later asking how she is holding up and she just said she was fine so i just said good that was it and it seemed awkward I am not a pushy person and i wouldn't dream of questioning her doubts or anything but i will admit i did really like her I messaged her this morning while at work and joked about saying i hope my facebook page didn't scare you off and i also suggested if she wanted to go for a walk the next time we meet as its what she said she loves the most. She replied back and said no it didn't put her off but nothing about the walk. I understand she's just lost a family dog and i do not want to be pushy or come across clingy in any way but i thought it went ok but the conversations have gone slow and awkward she is very nice and mature and as much as i liked her i know she has her own views and I'll respect that. Sorry to sound like an idiot, i got hurt after a long 10 year relationship so I'm just protecting myself but also maybe accidentally over thinking things but its just confusing that it was her to message me after the date and ask me to add her on facebook for it all just to go a bit slow. Any advice guys and thanks inadvance. Edited February 19, 2019 by reefy86
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 (edited) I think you're going a bit over the top with the dog sympathy, and friend-zoning yourself. It's sad but saying you're there for her to talk? That is something a long term friend or established boyfriend would say. Not someone she just met once. Also you're being much too vague on the next meeting. All this would you like to do something sometime stuff. It's very possible that she's getting less involved in conversations because you're not asking her out again and takes that as a lack of interest. Just stop mucking around with messages. Call her up and ask if she wants to go to a specific place, at a specific time, on a specific day! Edited February 19, 2019 by PegNosePete
Author reefy86 Posted February 19, 2019 Author Posted February 19, 2019 Straight to the point i like it I understand you though because i know i am doing it when i shouldn't but i am just too polite sometimes. Wouldn't calling her up after all that just make me look like a stalker? If i can turn this around that would be great tbh.
PegNosePete Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 Why would calling her up and asking her out make you look like a stalker? It's totally normal when you want a 2nd date, to ask her on a 2nd date. All this asking whether she would or wouldn't like to see you again, etc etc... just call her up and ask her out man! 1
Cersei Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 You did fine but cut her some slack. Her dog just died. Don't over do it. Ease up on the texts, call her and ask her out for supper. 1
Simple Logic Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 Your date sounds like it went well, but over texting probably sunk your chance at a second date.
lurker74 Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 Just stop mucking around with messages. Call her up and ask if she wants to go to a specific place, at a specific time, on a specific day! This. Wait a day or two and follow this advice. Always be the one to suggest the time and place and activity. You can ask her if she's available _____day, but then YOU suggest a date.
GraceAndJoy Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 Honestly, she is probably grieving and also helping her daughter grieve. She's not thinking much about her dating life. However, being shown some romantic attention would be a nice distraction. Right now, text her to invite her on a specific day to go out. Propose a place near a nice walking area. You can go for a long walk followed by lunch, dinner, ice cream, coffee, or drinks (any of these would be suitable if the area is nice!). Not complicated and it will give her something to look forward to, besides her grief.
Author reefy86 Posted February 19, 2019 Author Posted February 19, 2019 Thanks guy's I'll give it a couple of days and see how things are before i go for the call.
Author reefy86 Posted February 19, 2019 Author Posted February 19, 2019 I think i personally forced another meet on her tbh although she said that would be nice last night i also suggested a walk but no reply to it apart from her saying that my facebook page didn't scare her off. Ive not messaged her at all but she did like my facebook status which shows shes active but not engaging messages anymore. Apart of me is just treating it as she is brushing me of politely and the other half is confused to why tell me you had a lovely evening and to ask me to add her on facebook just to avoid me. Don't you just hate it when you bump into someone thats just your perfect type last time i met someone like her was 11 years ago.
d0nnivain Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 If you know where she lives send a snail mail condolence card for the loss of the dog.
GraceAndJoy Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 I think i personally forced another meet on her tbh although she said that would be nice last night i also suggested a walk but no reply to it apart from her saying that my facebook page didn't scare her off. Did you actually ask her to go out for a walk on a specific day and time? If you generally said to me, "we should go for a walk next time we see each other" and that's it, I would take this as a sign of lukewarm interest from a man. (I assume a man I met for drinks is multi-dating and if I'm not getting a second date offer, he's not THAT interested...) Coupled with the grief over losing a family dog, a first-date's lukewarm communications would make me feel lukewarm too. If you felt chemistry with her, don't stress! Ask her out!
Wallysbears Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 One piece of advice: she’s practically a stranger. Don’t open up Facebook, etc to people after one date going forward. 1
Author reefy86 Posted February 20, 2019 Author Posted February 20, 2019 Well she said shes been a bit busy and that she thought the meet went well but who knows. I'll just go ahead and set a date and if she doesn't want to then theres my awnser. She hasn't shown any signs that shes not interested other then cold messages and she never ignores me but her replies are very short.
Author reefy86 Posted February 20, 2019 Author Posted February 20, 2019 Well i went straight to the point and thought well atleast i will get my awnser but i bloody didn't lol. I feel like i should just move on but there was something about her thats making me hang on in a none clingy way lol. I've gave her opportunities to say if she's not interested without any hard feelings but its like she's keeping me hanging yet she didn't seem the type but who knows. Anyways here is what i said and what she replied with. Me "Ouch i know anyways i thought you was really lovely that night and really liked you. If you feel the same do you fancy doing it again on sunday same time same place? I know i suggested that walk but we don't know each other and i still could be that psycho for all you know "I'm not i can assure you" i do understand you might be busy though so don't worry if you can't make it but atleast you know where i am at :)" The psycho bit was a joke from our meetup. Here is her reply " I will let you know as we are potentially going to chester zoo on sunday if the weather is ok" I just replied with "Aww ok fair enough have a nice day out if you do go :)" Some might say i should of offered a different day but i feel as if its one sided and the conversations are just completely different from before we met. She probably is telling the truth and is interested but i see no signs and after not even replying back after i said aww ok fair enough have a nicw day out. If that was me i would of felt bad if i generally was interested but busy ect. Do girls do this often or am i just being politely brushed off?
PegNosePete Posted February 20, 2019 Posted February 20, 2019 Some might say i should of offered a different day but i feel as if its one sided Yes, you're right that it is one sided. I would not say you should have offered a different day, but SHE should. If someone asks me out on Sunday and I am busy but do want to go out with them, I would reply "I am busy on Sunday, how about Monday?" The fact that she didn't, shows a lack of interest from her. Well, the ball is in her court now. If I were you I wouldn't message her again, just see if she passes the ball back to you or not (I mean properly, not some lame how is your day junk). I wouldn't hold my breath though. I would assume she's not interested and move on, and if you do hear from her again, it's a bonus. Also next time, don't pre-load your invitation with excuses. The bit where you wrote "I understand you might be busy..." etc made me cringe really badly. Don't give people excuses to blow you off, that is not what confident guys do.
Author reefy86 Posted February 20, 2019 Author Posted February 20, 2019 (edited) Yeah i see your point and now i am cringing lol. Why couldn't she off just left it at that night i mean it was her who suggested we just have a drink rather then food just incase it isn't going right and we can both just walk away. She stayed for 2hrs and eaten food too, like i say she could of just left it at that but she messaged me and told me she had a lovely evening and if she wasn't interested why ask for me to add her on facebook? I mean i can understand if she asked for it before we met so she can check more of my pics ect but she seen me in person so i can't see her wanting to check for pics lol. She personally thinks it went well but i would of thought that meant interest but i have no idea. Oh and to mention she agreed on meeting again too by saying that would be nice a few days ago. You are right though i will not send any more messages and if i hear anything then bonus but if not then it wasn't meant to be. Edited February 20, 2019 by reefy86
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