Is it weird to have boyfriend do this to my son?

[Perplexed1960]

My bf of several years has mentioned over the years that he wants to take my 30 year old son to a strip club. I'm not a prude but I don't particularly approve of this type of thing; however, it's obvious my bf does like it (although I don't think he has gone for a while but don't really ask).

 

My son has mild autism and no girlfriend. I just don't think this type of activity is the best thing for him - he's confused as it is when it comes to the opposite sex, or is it harmless?

 

I suppose it just feels odd to me to have my boyfriend encourage this on several occasions although they have never actually gone.

 

BTW, my boyfriend had "porn issues" for some of the time we've been together but I don't think he watches much of it anymore since he knows it was out of hand.

 

Thoughts anyone?

[CantGetEnuff]

Your son is 30 with only mild autism? I'd think it would be up to him whether or not he accompanies your bf. I mean, you don't make your son's other decisions, right? I am a bit unclear on how "mild" is condition is.

 

Guys don't take this stuff very seriously. I don't know that it seems "weird" at all for your bf to take your son to a strip club. Now the bigger question is whether or not you are opposed to them or not, but I guess if you were opposed you would have said something.

 

(and like 99% of men watch porn).

[GorillaTheater]

Strip clubs are a little too mutually exploitive for my tastes, so I wouldn't be taking anyone there.

 

My guess is that this is a knuckle-headed but nonetheless well-meaning attempt to try to help your son. And honestly, he's an adult. I'd leave it up to him whether he wants to go.

[smackie9]

IMO your BF is using it as an excuse to go himself..saying it's for the benefit to your son. See through his motives.

[Gretchen12]

You dealt with the bf's porn issues but you don't want your son to go to a strip club with him. It seems like your bf is good enough for you but not good enough for your son? Your bf's conduct at the strip club will be related back to you because the only reason your son is with him is because he's your bf.

[d0nnivain]

I think it's a self serving misguided attempt to help your son. Your BF thinks these places are normal & OK. He fears that your son is missing out. I'm no prude either & don't care if my guy wants to go for a bachelor party but to go, just for the sake of going, is odd.

 

It'd be nice if your guy spent one on one time with your adult son in a regular bar but this is a ruse because your guy wants to look at the girls. Once you say yes once, your guy is going to want to make this a regular thing.

[chillii]

Yeah far from prude myself but that doesn't mean l splatter my personal stuff all over the internet or go strip clubs and stuff , never been into them myself so it's hard to read your bf on this.

Even harder your son

Think he thinks he's helping your son opening things up a bit for him.

But yeah l'd be thinking too a few beers at a bar and some boy talk might help more, but eh he's 30, he can make up his own mind.

Edited February 18, 2019 by chillii

[preraph]

I wouldn't endorse letting him influence him that way. What he's dying to do is pay for a lap dance to get your son off. That isn't his place. Strip club isn't the best place for anyone. Those women, some of them will do anything for money, including taking full advantage of a naive or special needs young man. I'd tell him a big "NO."

[ExpatInItaly]

Setting aside the relevant concerns surrounding your son's autism for a moment, who the heck would want to see Mom's boyfriend scoping out the eye candy and getting his jollies at the nudie bar?

 

It just seems like an awkward boundary that is better left uncrossed.

 

Your son is indeed an adult, but I would question your boyfriend's judgement and sense of discretion by involving your son in an outing like this.

[littleblackheart]

It's no more or less harmless than for any other punter, I would venture. At 30, if he's only mildly autistic, he's not really confused over what exactly a strip club is.

 

Besides that, his 'confusion' with the opposite sex won't magically disappear with a visit a strip club anyway.

 

My guess is that they both want to go, and are using your son's current situation (the being single part) as an excuse.

Edited February 18, 2019 by littleblackheart

[frankspeci]

I don't agree with those saying your BF is doing this as an excuse to go and enjoy himself. If that was the case why wouldn't he just go on his own or with friends? Why would he involve your son?

 

How sexually experienced is your son? I'm speculating he's the reserved type who isn't the most comfortable with women, partially due to his autism? I'm thinking your BF is doing this as a way to help your son demystify real life naked women and their sexuality? Your son will be able to anonymously examine real women's bodies and sexual gestures, without pressure to engage, and he can process what he sees and at least fill in some of the blanks of sex in his mind. That actually goes a way towards reducing the personal shame a man might feel when it comes to being ignorant about female nudity. He'd be getting more attuned to it.

 

A lot of guys see going to strip clubs as a rite of passage too. So crossing it off his list might boost his confidence. In my experience the whole thing is very chaste. Kinda bawdy but harmless. It only gets stimulating when people attempt to take things further than observing a dance.

 

If I was in your shoes, assuming I'm correct about your 30 year old son's inexperience, a strip club is actually not the worst way to help him get more comfortable with sex and being in a sexually suggestive atmosphere, and he's got someone he knows (your BF) to show him the ropes.

 

If your son is sexually experienced already then I don't see the point. I find strip clubs pretty boring.

Edited February 19, 2019 by frankspeci

[Caauug]

It has been 20 yrs or more since I was to a strip club so maybe things have changed a little. From what I recall there are 3 classes.

1) Rare. High class. Great show and you pay for it with door charge and drinks.

2) I noticed more around a Collage. The girl next door types are doing the show. Good show, get to joke around and chat with the girls between shows etc.

3)The most common, the dive.... I would never ever want front row seat, I was dragged in and the females well..... I think you get my point, don't let him go there...

 

 

1&2 are a yes

 

 

There is always the option of you taking your BF out the check the place out first. Ladies were always welcome single or with a mate, keep an open mind, you might be surprised or shocked.... Anytime I went, there was always one or more couples (M&F) watching and having drinks near the back but still a clear view of the stage. The price of a few drinks with the BF in an hour will answer more questions than we can on here. Give it a go!

[Simple Logic]

Some men think paying women to dance naked is some kid of passage of manhood.

[BaileyB]

The sex trade can be both a blessing and a curse to individuals who have difficulty forming relationships with other people.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/662881-i-love-escorts

[Hopeful30]

My bf of several years has mentioned over the years that he wants to take my 30 year old son to a strip club. I'm not a prude but I don't particularly approve of this type of thing; however, it's obvious my bf does like it (although I don't think he has gone for a while but don't really ask).<snip>

 

Your bf may have good intentions, but regardless, would you trust him with you child who isn't entirely mentally competent to make sense of this exploitative industry? And would you trust him to take the proper steps given he has a history of sexually 'inappropriate' behaviour according to you?

 

I agree that your son should decide himself if he wants to go, but again, his decision will be based on his understanding of the world through the "mild autism" lens. Let me ask you this, what does your gut tell you?

Edited February 19, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[nittygritty]

It’s disrespectful to you for your son to watch your boyfriend pay money for other women to dance topless or nude for him.

 

Is it even something your son wants to go do with your boyfriend?

[FMW]

Tell him you appreciate his interest in bonding with/helping your son, but you aren't comfortable with it and would prefer he didn't.

[kendahke]

I'd keep your boyfriend away from your son as best as you can.

 

I don't think your boyfriend is a good influence on him---and is rather seeing your son as amusement for his otherwise boring life. Why would he inflict that kind of psychological stress on your son? I'm sure you've told him this, but he's blown past what you've said--why is that?

 

Who is going to be the one who has to deal with your sons inability to process what your boyfriend subjected him to for a laugh?