LonelyHearted Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 After taking nearly a year to focus on me after the end of a serious relationship, I decided to try out internet dating for the first time at 30. It’s been an interesting experience and one that’s been tough for me to navigate. So I’ve gone out on dates in which I wasn’t feeling it. I’m very honest and straightforward, so I will tell a guy within hours of the first date that it was nice to meet him, I wasn’t interested in a second date, and that I wish them good luck in their search. I don’t play games and I won’t ghost someone or ignore them. Cut to a date I had two days ago. I really enjoyed the date and told him so as we left. He said he felt the same and about a half hour after the date, he sent a flurry of texts on how he had a great time and how amazing I was, but now two days later I haven’t heard a peep since. I sent him a text yesterday that was a quick “hope you have a great day” and got no response. My confusion is that this guy texted me every day for a week and a half leading up to the date and we had two hour plus phone conversations before the date. Then there was the positive follow up that night. Why would he then stop all communication? Should I send another text? Should I wait it out? Am I overthinking it? I’m a true novice to online dating, so any advice is helpful.
PinkPampies Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Don’t send another text. Wait a few days as the ball is in his court. Either the excitement faded after meeting and he’s chilling out, or he lost interest. Either way, it won’t help worrying and texting him more. It’s better when first dating to not go overboard and talk and text all day every day as it will fizzle our fast. I would give it a few days and if you don’t hear from him, move on. 1
edgygirl Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 What happens before a date doesn't matter in the least. That's why I learned the hard way not to chit chat too much before meeting someone. Men who lovebomb with daily messages and calls before even meeting are the ones to fade the fastest. What really matters is what happens after the date. I was going to say two days is not that long and that you could probably still hear from him to book another date. Until you said he ignored your last text. That's why it's best in the first 3-4 dates to let them take the initiative so you know for sure if they're interested. Some people will disagree, but I learned not to initiate in that phase. Who knows why men disappear. They might be more interested in someone else, they might have slept on it and realized they're not interested in another date, you will never know. I am also sincere like you, but the truth is after one date no one owes us an explanation. I think we do owe one if we are not feeling it after a third date. Otherwise it's almost ok to ghost. Do NOT send another text. Should I send another text?
preraph Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Don't do anything else. See if he does. There's lots of reasons he might not have returned texts. Like yesterday I was out of range all day myself. It's best to remember that some people will be super polite and you think it's all good but it's because they just can't stand to reject someone, so they ghost. Very common. So just wait and see if he ever does answer.
TheFinalWord Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 Who knows why men disappear. I agree with your advice. Men disappear after the first date because: 1 For OLD, the woman does not look like her pics. Probably the number one reason. It happens so much, I almost insist on a video call first. I was unable to on my last OLD experience and lo and behold, the girl looked nothing like her pics. She used body shots from 5 years ago and people using Snap chat pics you have to be really careful as the filters can make people look way better that they do in real life. 2 Something that kind of annoys me is on a first date the woman does not offer to pay for anything. I get it, its convention for the man to pay. But I think it's a nice gesture if a woman at least acts like she's willing to pay for something. I won't let her, but it's just the thought. I may not call back for date two if she just assumed I would pay for everything. That's more of a personal one. But to me OLD is different than real life. A first OLD date is more of a pre-date, just because you've never met in real life yet. 3 People don't know how to ghost and all the pre-calling/texting makes things weird. It's also why I agree with you that I don't do a lot of pre-texting calling. I do like to do 1 video call because you can tell from that what the person looks like and if there is ANY chemistry. There's been more than once I havne't even bothered going on the date after the video call.
Author LonelyHearted Posted February 18, 2019 Author Posted February 18, 2019 So he just started texting again with no explanation as to why he suddenly stopped. Who knows?
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