lostinmymind Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Well, I haven't posted in awhile. For those of you who know my story I'll spare the back story. I am back at college, living in an apartment across from my ex. Things have been going OK, but I've been really depressed. I try not to let it show through, and I still get things done, but I'm sad as hell. I have hung out with my ex a few times, she is making an honest attempt to be my friend, but I'm having a really hard time with it. This whole situtation sucks! Here is one particularly interesting story... My ex and I were getting along well. I called her and told her I wanted to talk, since we had talked earlier, but it got cut short. She was going out for the night with friends. I told her if she got back early enough she should come over. Well, she came over, woke me up, and she was drunk out of her mind.She asked if I still wanted to talk, I said no, not if you are drunk. She left, but came back about 45 min later acting way more normal. We ended up talking... She told me she loved me, she said she loved her new guy and he is so good to her. That night I guess she had gotten drunk and messed around with some guy she barely knows, she was upset and crying about how she couldn't tell her new guy or he would be crushed. She talked about how she is a bad person and does stupid ****. She said she has so many feelings towards so many guys and doesn't want to make a commitment with just one. She doesn't know what she wants. I tried to keep it cool, but I was getting pretty emotional, this having been our first close encounter in the last 4 months. She said she sees me and sees someone she wants to be friends with. She said super nice things to me and about how great I was and how she wants me to be happy. She said she thinks I just miss having someone to be with, etc. I told her that having someone is good and all, but having her had been great. She explaied to me how she likes attention and getting attention from guys and that it makes her feel like she is worth something. I tried to tell her that she needs to get validatoin of herself from within and that she needs to see, how I see, how great of a person that she really is. Another thing she told me was that she ended it with me because she felt like if she stayed with me she would have to be with me forever. I guess we were getting too serious for her... Eventually she went back to her apartment. INTERESTING PART: After all this talk about how she loved her new guy...she broke up with him about two days ago. WTF. I guess I'm happy, but at the same time I don't believe this is an indication that she wants me back. I talk to her best guy friend and he tells me that she needs to get through this period in her life and hopefully she will go back to normal. I'm like super anxious and depressed a lot of the time, but I get on with my life. I can't let thoughts of her consume me like they have been doing. I pretty much have no self-esteem anymore. When I do manage to build some up seeing her just knocks it all down again. It sucks. I know she cares about me, I just can't accept that she only wants to be my friend. We were so good to each other, we got along perfectly, I guess it was just bad timing. Here I am stuck here with her 15 feet away for the rest of the year though. When we first got down here she was really nice, even flirty with me. Now she is more indifferent, but I guess she has a lot of things going on. I'm trying to keep my distance, but it is proving to be VERY hard to do.
Rocko Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Ugh, today's been a horrible day for everyone I guess Feeling bad today too LMM, been trolling the forums in my depressionistic manner. Life's hard, love's hard, and god knows why we are the 'chosen' ones who have to put up with this ****. I'm moving on as well, but for some reason in the past few days I've just felt like crap. I'm honestly considering a rebound right about now; just trying to keep busy and my mind occupied. Love sucks, and falling in love young is absolute hell. Not to mention we have to endure these girls "not knowing what they want.." which to me, sounds like absolute bull****, but hey, I'm a guy. I wish we or them could literally fall off the planet until all this crap is sorted out. I feel like I'm in an episode of Dawson's Creek or some other teenage drama show. I meet lots of new girls, and see nothing fantastic in them. I date and see nothing going anywhere. I try not to compare, but I can't help it. If I had an off button in my memories, I would have used it a long time ago. Sounds like she's using you as her shoulder to cry on. I don't think this is the best position for you to be in right now, seeing as you're still very much in love with her. Nothing else to do but try to maintain that distance... Good luck man.
Author lostinmymind Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 Sounds like she's using you as her shoulder to cry on. I don't think this is the best position for you to be in right now, seeing as you're still very much in love with her. I guess she is sort of using me for that, in an indirect way. As far as she knows right now I don't even know they are broken up. I'm really concerned about my own mental health throughout this year. I get to see this girl I know is sweet and just about perfect transform into someone who wants only attention from any and every guy. It's hard to deal with. It wasn't that long ago that she was telling me she loved me and that she never wants me out of her life..maybe this is still partly true...who knows? It just sucks witnessing all this happen in front of me
Rocko Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Have you dated around? Any prospective ladies you'd wish to start a relationship with? If so, do it. It will help you with your self-confidence, and to give you something to keep your mind occupied. It will also slap that ex of yours with the idea that "hey, I don't have all the time in the world!" But I wouldn't consider dating someone purely for the reason related to the ex.
Rocko Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 You know what? Forget all my previous advice. I say set a generic timeframe in which you will enjoy "you time." And by timeframe, I mean one - two years. Then, I want you to convince yourself to forget all this crap and emotions and all these negative feelings because you know what? They only affect you my friend, and no one else. Now, I want you to do whatever you enjoy doing. Want a greasy cheeseburger? Go for it. Want to hook up with some attractive ladies for a one night stand? Go for it. Why? Because its all for you. Pump up your ego and your self-confidence. Forget about your ex for the timeframe you have outlined for yourself. Let her deal with her own problems. You'll see her, but you should remind yourself of the timeframe. There's nothing we can do here! Once that timeframe is up, revisit her. See if she's grown and changed to something you still care for.
blue16 Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 My advice is different than Rocko, but he also makes a lot of great points. You should be improving yourself, and doing what you want to do - as he described. However, I come from the school of thought that for now you should move on and try to see other girls. You shouldn't be sitting there pining for your ex, when she is out having a good time with friends and getting lots of attention from guys. The main reason why you are feeling like this is because you probably have been single the entire time since the breakup. Go out there and meet some girls. Try to go out on some dates, and develop some feelings for someone other than your ex. I don't mean one night stands, or little flings...those won't help much. Speaking from personal experience, it really helps if you find another person to be with. I guarantee once you develop feelings for someone else, suddenly you won't be so wrapped up in your ex...and that's the way it should be. Especially in the situation you're in now, where you see your ex often. She will continue to be in your mind, unless you do something about it. Best of luck.
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