Would you date someone who admitted that they have cheated before on their ex?

[Curiousroxy86]

Would you date someone who admitted that they have cheated before on their ex?

 

Say your single and your getting to know a person. Say you are open to the idea of being in a monogamous relationship in general. You come across a person that you like more than the other prospects and they are showing you interest. As y'all are getting to know each other they talk about their ex and admitted that they cheated on them but claims they are remorseful and learn their lesson so to speak.

 

What would you do? Would you continue going out with them? Would you stop dating them? Would you still be open to possibly become exclusive with them? Why or why not? Or does it depend on why they cheated and if so what would be the circumstances that make you determine to leave them alone or continue?

 

Are you in the once a cheater always a cheater camp? Or do you judge how a person treats you regardless how they may treated an ex before you?

[Andy_K]

Depends on circumstances.

 

People change... a one off act a decade ago, during a dead relationship they lacked the courage or experience to leave, is very different to a recent prolonged affair.

[Rayce]

I remember my grandmother trying to drill that into my head as a small child... once a cheater always a cheater. Yet... lol... I am weak... I would give in. I give people the benefit of the doubt especially if they seem remorseful. I have made many mistakes and its about trying to do better. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail. To expect someone to walk on water is just not feasible.

[Wallysbears]

If it had been something stupid back when he was a teenager - maybe.

 

As a grown adult and/or a repetitive pattern, no.

[Orokotikki]

With Andy and Wallysbears on this.

[olivetree]

If it was as a teen and pretty tame (holding hands, a kiss), maybe.

 

Any of that and more as an adult - no.

[boymommy]

Totally depends on situation. My boyfriend (who is 45) told me in very early conversations that he cheated on an ex girlfriend in his early 20’s towards the end of their relationship basically when he knew it wasnt going to last “forever” and they were having issues. He said he never cheated on his ex wife and he never thought about cheating on anyone since.

 

Truth be told knowing he has cheated before made me a little nervous but I believe what he said, and he is a fantastic boyfriend so I have no reason to ever doubt his fidelity. I usually trust people until they give me a reason not to, thats kind of the way I am.

[Hopeful30]

Depends on the person.

 

If he's a genuinely good guy and I can see that he has a healthy respect for women (and his mom), then I wouldn't think twice. If he's the kind of guy who loves attention, always checking out other women, treats me like he's entitled to me, etc. then I would take it as a red flag.

 

Also depends on how he revealed it to me. Did he say it on the first date upfront? I would see it as an indirect warning that he's not going to be monogamous. If he revealed it in a conversation about relationships etc, that's a different story.

 

The fact that he cheated isn't enough information to make any conclusions.

 

We would need to know the dynamics of that relationship, overall understanding of the person he cheated WITH and ON, his upbringing, his views, etc.

[Prudence V]

 

Are you in the once a cheater always a cheater camp? Or do you judge how a person treats you regardless how they may treated an ex before you?

 

The latter. My H was unfaithful to his xW (with me). I had no hesitation in marrying him - I watched how he treated others, listened to his old friends and family, did my research - and understood why his M had gone the way it did. He was prepared to do the work, get himself back to himself, and I’ve had no regrets after more than 10 years of marriage.

[Orokotikki]

Depends on the person.

 

If he's a genuinely good guy and I can see that he has a healthy respect for women (and his mom), then I wouldn't think twice. If he's the kind of guy who loves attention, always checking out other women, treats me like he's entitled to me, etc. then I would take it as a red flag.

<snip>

 

Tricky part is that the worst of the latter are skilled at appearing as the former...

[Simple Logic]

What difference does it make if I would date someone who cheated on their ex. The question is will you. Set your own morals and standards.

[minimariah2]

What would you do? Would you continue going out with them?

 

depends on the circumstances but i am willing to give people a chance, especially if they're honest about their wrongdoings and show compassion and remorse.

 

Or do you judge how a person treats you regardless how they may treated an ex before you?

 

i take everything into consideration.

 

i take notes of how he treats his family and friends, although - obviously - people can treat their romantic partners differently. so if i see a man who is kind to his friends and family but has a history of cheating with his romantic partners, that's a red flag because it means that romance is a way of channeling some things he can't in his family/friends relationship (since romantic partners are more deployable).

 

if i was the OW and the men cheated on his SO with ME - i wouldn't date him or take him into consideration as a serious partner. i want my relationships to be built a certain way and i can't do that with a guy who had me as his mistress.

[Curiousroxy86]

What difference does it make if I would date someone who cheated on their ex. The question is will you. Set your own morals and standards.

 

I have my own morals and standards thank you very much

 

I want to know what you think and why (along with other LS members) because this is a forum

 

Now are you going to share with the group what you would do in this case or did you just want to be little arse hat?

[elaine567]

If he's a genuinely good guy...

That is a very big IF...

[Simple Logic]

I have my own morals and standards thank you very much

 

I want to know what you think and why (along with other LS members) because this is a forum

 

Now are you going to share with the group what you would do in this case or did you just want to be little arse hat?

 

Ok, personally I would not. Love somebody or not, have a little respect for the people in your life you date or married.

 

That doesn’t mean that is what you will or should do.

[bathtub-row]

If they were very young at the time, I would overlook it. If they were in their late 20's or older, I'd be cautious.

[Mr. Lucky]

Would you date someone who admitted that they have cheated before on their ex?

 

Rather date them than someone who'd cheated on their ex but wouldn't admit it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JustGettingBy]

If its seemed like she genuinely learned from it and won't do it again yes. It would be a yellow flag, though.