Author LauraXX Posted February 15, 2019 Author Posted February 15, 2019 What's there to be jealous about with "marrying older woman with kids"? Well, you're the living proof that there are actually guys who think like this. But as you might have noticed...there are others posters here who don't. And I have couples in my own circle of friends where the guy is a lot younger than the woman and I don't have the impression that they're under some wicked love spell and can't get out. So...each to his own But yes - this guy might actually be somebody who'd never commit to an older woman with a kid. Don't know him well enough yet, so that's definitely a possibility (and one the reasons for this thread...).
nychic009 Posted February 15, 2019 Posted February 15, 2019 (edited) Most guys in their 30s date women in their 30s or late 20s. There are always exceptions to the rule, but they are exceptions. Most high quality men with options in their 30s will seek a woman who is their equal - if they never been married or have kids they want someone similar. It's rare for a high quality man to be with someone in a totally different stage of life. To make things more difficult it seems you are trying to turn a casual encounter into something serious which is hard enough on its own even without the age difference and kids etc. I question if he's high quality at all bc you say he texts back right away etc. Most high quality men aren't glued to their phone and only use texting as a means to 1) plan logistics 2) provide/receive entertainment - jokes, flirty messages etc not have text conversations. If I wanted to "play this" (assuming you want something more) I would pretend I don't want commitment, get him attracted on a deeper level first, instead of having a talk and going 180 on someone that clearly (imo) isn't ready for. Edited February 15, 2019 by nychic009
sweetgirl2019 Posted February 15, 2019 Posted February 15, 2019 If you just want FWB then why does it matter what his texting behavior is like? I personally remember after my divorce I used to analyze guys texts who wanted casual relationships (who I made the mistake of sleeping with right away) and I was trying to turn into into more then that. Huge mistake. First rule of thumb. If you want a relationship dont sleep with a guy right away..he’ll put you in the hookup category and he wont take you out. Second, a guy who is “really into you” won’t want just FWB he’ll want a REAL relationship with you. Thats a backwards way of looking at things. All my casual relationships started out with the guy being super attentive because they wanted to get me into bed. Then after they did they didnt have to try as hard or be as chatty so they stopped making as much of an effort because they knew I would sleep with them. My advice is decide if you want fwb or a relationship. You have to pick your course. OR... Sleep with the guy right away if you want too, because if he puts you in the "hook-up" category, that means he himself is of low value and can't/want to see the person you are. A high value man don't judge a woman like that. 1
Author LauraXX Posted February 15, 2019 Author Posted February 15, 2019 A high value man don't judge a woman like that. I couldn't agree more.
some_username1 Posted February 15, 2019 Posted February 15, 2019 I personally see nothing wrong with dating a younger man. They're hot. I think what the poster is referring to is the fact that most his age will be looking for a wife and most will want to start their own family. Also 50 year old men dating women in their 20s get a lot of flack around here. Yeah that's what I was getting at. I just look at the balance of probabilities and for me it is a very low percentage play that a guy with a career in finance, early 30's, never married, no kids is going to be interested in a long term thing with a woman 40+. It's just different life stages, especially if he wants kids. It's not game over for guys in their 40s who are still looking for fertile women but they run the risk of being unable to relate to any such partner on a cultural level so it is always best for them to find the youngest most fertile partner they can while youth is on their side if they want to have kids (and hey even if they don't. Looks usually === beauty) So nothing wrong with a hook up if that suits both parties but I wouldn't exoect him to end up buying a ring or making it seriously official. 1
Author LauraXX Posted February 17, 2019 Author Posted February 17, 2019 So nothing wrong with a hook up if that suits both parties but I wouldn't exoect him to end up buying a ring or making it seriously official. But we're talking about a 7 year age difference, not 17 years. I really don't think 7 years is that big a deal. But, we'll see. So far, it's looking good. He's texting me every day, he really wanted to see me this weekend (I couldn't make it work) so now we decided to just meet for dinner tomorrow evening. I texted him "Sorry it didn't work out this weekend. Would have been nice to see you in daylight for a change." And he replied: "Don't worry. We'll see each other so many times during the day...." Yes, I know.... could be just words. But I'm really enjoying this right now and it does keep my mind of my ex and the break-up Oh, and there's nothing I want less than a ring on my finger! Please don't assume that's every woman's ultimate goal.
some_username1 Posted February 17, 2019 Posted February 17, 2019 But we're talking about a 7 year age difference, not 17 years. I really don't think 7 years is that big a deal. But, we'll see. So far, it's looking good. He's texting me every day, he really wanted to see me this weekend (I couldn't make it work) so now we decided to just meet for dinner tomorrow evening. I texted him "Sorry it didn't work out this weekend. Would have been nice to see you in daylight for a change." And he replied: "Don't worry. We'll see each other so many times during the day...." Yes, I know.... could be just words. But I'm really enjoying this right now and it does keep my mind of my ex and the break-up Oh, and there's nothing I want less than a ring on my finger! Please don't assume that's every woman's ultimate goal. 7 years in terms of ability to relate to each other is nothing, yes. But the life stages one is massive. Does he want kids- and if he does would you want to have more kids at 40? I was being flippant about the ring aspect, but it does make me wonder what your true feelings are here. You say you are happy with a hook up and you yourself aknowledged the life stages aspect....but the way you are debating the circumstances in your latest post gives off a vibe that you are keen to convince yourself that he could be a viable long term partner. Or maybe it's 'either or'?
Interstellar Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) Sex clouds the issue. He should’ve respectfully declined. He will be the first man in 100 years to do so. And instead, dated and get to know you first. “Wondering” - sounds like someone’s intrigued and upping their interest level. Edited February 18, 2019 by Interstellar
chillii Posted February 18, 2019 Posted February 18, 2019 (edited) Yep full agree sleeping with someone so soon just murks the whole thing and any real up. And the way you just talked about it here to a few million total strangers means he'd know well and truly privately your good for awhile now, but he still must be polite and play the game a little , she's ok l don't mind talking to her it's a bit of company. l'm thinking he's just along for the easy ride right now until someone more suitable comes along. Edited February 18, 2019 by chillii
Lisa_Lisa Posted February 19, 2019 Posted February 19, 2019 All you have to do is keep unpredictability so be available sometimes and other times not. Be positive and carefree around him and make sure that he feels happy to be in your presence. Keep talking to other men, go out with them, go out with friends. Make this guy the last thing on your mind, and most importantly, don't reach out to him. He will if he wants to see you. Don't question or second guess things, be in your feminine energy. If you lean forward too much as in trying to make dates, trying to get him to communicate on the timeline that you want him too will make him pull away. Remember you don't need him, but you enjoy him. When he realize you're not needy, he'll come to you like a bee to honey, but remember don't always be so available, make him go out with you, it can't always be house dates.
Author LauraXX Posted February 26, 2019 Author Posted February 26, 2019 Thanks for your replies. Just a quick update: I'm still seeing the guy (usually about once or twice a week). And I'm not as worried about catching feelings for him anymore. I DO like him and his weird habits, but I think he'd drive me crazy if we'd be in a relationship. Turns out that I was so concerned about my own baggage, that I didn't even consider his. He was in therapy for most of his life and his family is desparate for him to see a therapist again. He's just (his own words) very anti-social and doesn't get along with most people. And we're basically opposites in so many aspects (taste in music, taste in food, general likes & dislikes etc.). But I do enjoy his company, he makes me laugh and the sex is actually really good. Now I'm wondering if I should tell him that I don't see a future with him. He has started to leave stuff at my place, he's always spending the night when he comes over, is extremely cuddly, and yesterday he said that he actually prefers to sleep at my place now because he's anxious and suffers from insomnia at his own place and feels more peaceful when he's with me. Other than that, I don't get any "relationship" vibes from him and I really doubt he wants more, but I might have to clarify that. So... I guess I found the perfect FWB situation after all. Who would have thought? Also, my ex (and I'm far from being over him) has started to text me again and it's very confusing. I shouldn't say that but if I'm very honest with myself... I'd still pick him over any other guy in the world
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