lovesfool Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 I hope this is the right section. I was seeing a guy for about 3 months, but he decided to end it because he felt I wasn't emotionally available, which is probably a fair statement. I do not have any ill will against him and it was very amicable. In fact, I said to him that if he doesn't feel it's right, he should end it. He seemed to be crazy about me, and was very reluctant to break up, but he did say he would like to keep in contact and maybe rekindle when I've had a chance to work on my issues (it was me that offered to work on these issues, just to be clear). I was considering to go no contact until this time, but seeing as the 14th of February is approaching, should I message him wishing him a Happy Valentines Day? I thought this might show me in a good light and that I'm trying to better myself by expressing myself more. Or should I just go cold turkey until I feel I'm ready to commit emotionally to a relationship?
Redhead14 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 "I thought this might show me in a good light and that I'm trying to better myself by expressing myself more." I don't think it will show him that you are becoming emotionally available. That doesn't happen overnight and I'd say he knows that too. Under the circumstances, I think it will actually be perceived exactly opposite -- rote and insincere. 1
Author lovesfool Posted February 12, 2019 Author Posted February 12, 2019 "I thought this might show me in a good light and that I'm trying to better myself by expressing myself more." I don't think it will show him that you are becoming emotionally available. That doesn't happen overnight and I'd say he knows that too. Under the circumstances, I think it will actually be perceived exactly opposite -- rote and insincere. I know what you are getting at, but I honestly felt I should wish him a happy valentines for caring reasons, not for own self gain. The idea that "I thought this might show me in a good light and that I'm trying to better myself by expressing myself more" was more of a reflection of what the action might convey, not to perform that action to somehow trick him or anything like that.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Wishing him a Happy Valentine's Day certainly can't make anything worse. It might not get him back. If you do learn to be more open from this that will still be a good thing & may help you in your next relationship
Redhead14 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 I know what you are getting at, but I honestly felt I should wish him a happy valentines for caring reasons, not for own self gain. The idea that "I thought this might show me in a good light and that I'm trying to better myself by expressing myself more" was more of a reflection of what the action might convey, not to perform that action to somehow trick him or anything like that. lovesfool, I didn't say that it would come off as a trick or anything like that. What I was trying to tell you is that since he feels that you are emotionally unavailable, if you send him that message for Valentine's Day so soon after you two broke up, he will think you did it because it's commercially and socially obligatory not because you suddenly have gotten in touch with your emotions.
lovesflame Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 This cannot hurt u or him at all. There's no harm in sending that to him. However it may not show him any specific thing he will take it however he takes it. Hopefully he responds positively but just do it if u feel it. Maybe tell him something meaningful or kind. Expressing yourself is a good thing. Honestly I think u maybe still have feelings for this man. I don't know how u can parse that out besides looking within
Blanco Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 It can't hurt, but I guess I don't really see the point. I don't think it'd have the desired effect you're hoping it would, as it doesn't really take emotional availability to extend a message to someone on a holiday/birthday. 1
emeraldgreen Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Do it if you can do it without expectation of a reply, reciprocation, or another chance. If you can't do it without those things, stay NC because it means you wouldn't be saying it purely for unselfish reasons.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Do it if you can do it without expectation of a reply, reciprocation, or another chance. If you can't do it without those things, stay NC because it means you wouldn't be saying it purely for unselfish reasons. This is good advice.
Cersei Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Do it if you can do it without expectation of a reply, reciprocation, or another chance. If you can't do it without those things, stay NC because it means you wouldn't be saying it purely for unselfish reasons. I agree! If he does not reply are you ok with that?
Author lovesfool Posted February 13, 2019 Author Posted February 13, 2019 I agree! If he does not reply are you ok with that? Yes. It was an amicable break up and I wasn't greatly affected by it, I think mostly because I didn't let myself get too emotionally involved, and we weren't dating very long (3 months). This is not me trying to get him back and if he doesn't reply, I would understand.
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