kendahke Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 I try not to talk about her to anyone but I've had different coworkers tell me "shes eyeballing you", "that woman is checking you out", "I think she likes you", "she's waiting for you, go get her", etc. This makes it very difficult to avoid her and to avoid the discussion. Stop acting like you have no agency in any action you take. If your friends told you to stick your hand in a vat of acid because that'd be cool, would you go along with it? You won't have to avoid her if you find your stones and just directly tell her that you're sorry you led her on to believe that you liked her in a romantic fashion, but all you have for her is professional courtesy and that's as far as you intend on taking things with her. Then leave her alone and tell your feral friends to drop it. Only people who need validation say they can't check their friends. They got the hint and moved along within a month max. Throwing out hints like crumbs is game playing. No one can read your mind. Own your voice and speak up for yourself. As long as you keep looking at her and not telling her to move on, then you're still a huge part of this problem of which you're trying to make her shoulder 100%. I'm curious why she still lingers.. Because both of you have way too many people all up in your business---and to them, this is a blood sport event. They're feeding each other info to take to the other side and keep this messiness going. Pick better friends. Like more mature ones who are out of junior high school. 1
boymommy Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 (edited) Meaning what? She has some attachment issues. I recognize them because I was anxious when I was younger. You are going to have to be brutally honest with her even thought it makes you uncomfortable to do so. She is not catching on to your ignoring her..you telling her point blank is the only way to end it. You have to think about if you like the attention and actually WANT this little game to end. I have had guys who had some avoidancy issues act the same way as you did when I was younger and it seemed like the minute I forgot about them they wanted me more. But when I was pining over them they wanted nothing to do with it. In psychological terms its called the anxious/avoidant trap (in terms of attachment style). Edited February 13, 2019 by boymommy
JuneL Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 I dunno. This woman hasn’t gone out of her way to ask you out. She might be just having a bit of a crush on you, because you did show initial rejection after all. How’re you supposed to reject her directly, when she hasn’t made a real move on you except staring at you?
lana-banana Posted February 13, 2019 Posted February 13, 2019 Your coworkers sound like monsters. Encouraging you to use and toy with someone else (and suggesting she's a sl-t) just so you can get laid occasionally? What the hell is wrong with them? Sure, maybe the girl has a crush, but the guys are sociopaths. If she isn't actively asking you out, stay the course. If you have to have conversation, make a point of keeping it strictly work-related. If she does ask you out, say no and be firm about it. If she asks over and over, tell her you'll report her to HR if it continues. Maybe she's self conscious and all, but it doesn't sound like she is really pursuing you, just hoping that you'll pursue her. There's no need to do anything different than what you're doing already. And tell everyone who suggested such mean things to knock it off. 1
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