meded Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Hello, I have been casually dating this guy since new years ev. and we have since had three dates; the third date did involve sexual relations which were consensual. Anyway, one of the things i'd brought up to him over the course of our dating was his poor texting skills as in when it comes to responding to texts in a timely manner. For example, sometimes i text him on Tuesday he wont reply until Thursday, etc. For the most part he replies within a day or the day after however nothing less than 5 hours is the trend i've been seeing. When I mentioned it to him, he said he just has a lot going on in his personal life and career and is also trying to buy a house so he puts texting on the back burner. The specific texts (regarding his failure to respond promptly if at all) he sent stated: "Lol no you dont bother me. You’re a hella cool and interesting. It just seems like you may require a lot of attention and time. I dont want to seem selfish but like I’m focused on a lot of different things rn specifically. I hope you understand Im not trying to duck you or be unresponsive. I just suck at texting when I have a lot of things going on" Was that him cutting me off or giving me an explanation for his texting habits? What should I do with him? We have such great interactions in person and the chemistry is beautiful. I would like to make this work in some way.
Logo Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 He’s giving you an explanation. Give him some texting space. If everything is going well in person, don’t worry about the texts. Some feel they need that reassuring contact that everything is still okay. Others don’t need that.
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 So the last date was the sex. Is there another date planned? Or has he just essentially fallen off the radar screen. Is this guy single or is he recently separated/divorced or has he just left an LTR?
nodramallama Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 His first text would annoy me. However, it does sound like you guys aren't compatible and I'd call it a day. There is nothing wrong with wanting a timely (less than 2 days) response to a text.
hippychick3 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 He’s just not that interested, OP. You need 2 people to make a relationship work, and he doesn’t seem on board. Stop texting him and let him initiate. If he doesn’t, you’ll know for sure he’s not interested. You can’t make him want you. 1
Gretchen12 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 The texts mean he is not going to change. It also sounds like you said something to him like you're bothering him. It's not a good thing to say because if you really believe you are bothering him then you wouldn't be asking him to text back in a timely manner. Now he thinks you are needy. If you really want to make this work... you should probaby ease up on your texting. Has he ever replied within a few hours?
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 If he was mad for you, he would be texting, calling, arranging dates, making sure you were on board and he would not lose you. He is lukewarm at best or he has identified he can ignore you and you are still there like a love sick puppy. Neither is good. Move on. 1
SevenCity Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 What more important to you? Having a good texting relationship or good in person encounters?
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Are these responses off of one time you confronted or was these responses after three different times you confronted? I believe people should state a boundary but you should only say it once More than once is nagging AND it shows he doesn't take your boundary serious or agree with your boundary if you have to say it more than once You have already made it known what you wanted. all you can do is accept his stance that he will get to you when he gets to you because that's basically what he is telling you OR you cut him loose and find someone else So my question to you is are you okay with him taking long to respond to your text because he has a lot going on? Because that's basically what he already told you. If your not okay with that then you need to move on No need for further conversation if he already made it clear where he stands.
elaine567 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 In person seems to be great for the OP, but since he is not keeping in contact and is forever busy and preoccupied, how great it is for him is open to question.
Lisa_Lisa Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 You don't have to cut the cord with this guy, but give him low priority as he is doing with you. Go on dates with other guys so you won't be so hung up on this one in particular. Even if you don't feel romantically for them, tell yourself you're meeting new friends. Get busy doing stuff so you won't even notice that he hasn't texted you. Let him do all the work know if he wants your attention. Remember you're the prize, not him. 2
stillafool Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 He's making it clear he enjoys his time with you but he isn't going to be a text buddy. You said you guys were casually dating so he doesn't want to be texting like a boyfriend. He wants to talk to you if and when you guys get together. I don't understand women who say they want a casual relationship but then expect a lot of texting from a guy. WTF?
stillafool Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 You don't have to cut the cord with this guy, but give him low priority as he is doing with you. Go on dates with other guys so you won't be so hung up on this one in particular. Even if you don't feel romantically for them, tell yourself you're meeting new friends. Get busy doing stuff so you won't even notice that he hasn't texted you. Let him do all the work know if he wants your attention. Remember you're the prize, not him. Why is she the prize and not him?
Lisa_Lisa Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Why is she the prize and not him? She's the female. Men are hunters/pursuers by nature. She should let him chase her. Men like a challenge and they like to earn their prize (woman) once she finally gives in.
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Why is she the prize and not him? Lmao This is the mindset women who are givers, empaths, non selfish, or insecure should have in dating to keep from being used victims crying about "why did he..." "why's would he.....". Women who may put men on pedestals already with horrible results such as men taking advantage of disappearing after they show interest/give can stand to think this way.
d0nnivain Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Just because we have the technological ability to instantaneously stay in touch 24/7 does not mean that it's a good idea or anyone is obligated to be that connected. IMO he's keeping a reasonable pace & your expectations are out of whack. You are expecting too much intimacy & interdependence on a strange you have seen 3x. The sex does not mean you actually know anymore about this guy as a person, what makes him tick etc. If you want to have a relationship with your phone, he's not your guy. If you are willing to interact with the human on a more sedate pace, relying less on texting which is possibly the worst thing ever to happen to dating, then you may be pleasantly surprised. However, if you give him grief about this he will dump you
Versacehottie Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 He sounds like he is/will string you along. You gotta stop chasing him and doing the work. See what he has to offer when you do much less. You can tell from the 1st text that you either asked him what was going on or called him out on his slow texting. IMO, you shouldn't have done that. Now he's just laid the groundwork for you to expect less with his excuses. It would have been much better to just pull back and let him do the work--which, btw, you can still do. Don't say, SHOW. Show him if he doesn't invest in you, you are not "his", or necessarily going to stick around. Right now it's set up where everything will be on his terms. Even though i think you shouldn't have done it, now that you have spoken to him about where you guys stand (either literally or effectively by asking him to text more regularly/timely), now you know and can proceed with what is best for you. You cannot FORCE a relationship. Your best chance is to balance things out and have your own life and keep it moving. The nugget of truth is where he says he's afraid he cannot devote time to you as you would need (or however that part was worded). That means he does not see this as a priority and has already (correctly) determined you do. It will be hard to change his perception but that is the first thing you need to do--not in a fake way, in a real way. Date other guys, have other things going on, pull back. When he puts in effort, sure be nice and if it suits your schedule and i mean ONLY IF you can see him--this part might deserve some game playing--i mean if you want to change his perception and make that part clear, this is one area where it is clear cut to show him. Be careful, he sounds like he has one foot out the door. I would not invest more of yourself. Good luck
fred123 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 i thought u guys are casually dating? what does that mean to you? im confused 1
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