BigB Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 blech... scared the hell out of me. It runs in my family. I have an Uncle who is schizo-effective/bipolar, a cousin who is bipolar(hyper-manic), and a sister who is schizophrenic with bipolar tendencies. If anything I seem to fit the symptoms of Hypo-manic, or Bipolar 2. Maybe I'm just searching for an explanation, but I feel like right now I'm in touch with reality for the first time in a few weeks, maybe as much as a month. I seriously freaked out middle of last week, I thought it was major heartbreak, but now I'm just going "WTF was I thinking?" I was not myself. For the last 6-8 weeks, I was being impulsive, selfish, doing things without thinking first, hardly sleeping, hardly eating, obsessively thinking about one thing, and spinning that thing into an idea that didn't actually exist. I lost control or something. I felt like I was on top of the world, this like euphoric feeling that life was getting better. It kinda reminded me of what it's like to be high on coke. I look back now at things I said, things I did, and things I wrote, and it's like another person did them. I think I was on the edge of being delusional. This idea I was attached to involved a girl, and when she broke it off I lost it. I lost all impulse control and just started lashing out at everything that hurt me. It was like an emotional roller-coaster. The confusing part this that I didn't crash into a depression (and believe me, I get depressed. Hell I'm depressed most of the time) I crashed back to normal. The other thing that confuses me is that 90% of the time I'm very stable(but I have to work at being emotionally stable, if that makes sense), I've freaked out like that before but last time it was over something that was real. Last time I went into a pretty deep depression and spend almost a year drunk and high trying to make it go away. I've also never tried to hurt myself which is pretty common with bipolar disorders. I've done lots of reckless stuff, and gone on multi-day drug/alcohol binges in the past, that seems to fit, but I just don't know.... Any bipolar people on LS? Maybe someone can relate? I also have very rapid and frequent mood swings. Like I'll go from happy, to sad, to depressed, back to happy, to irritable, to angry, to anxious, in 8 hours. Most of the time I feel like I'm fighting a constant battle to keep my emotions under control and I'm starting to think that it might not me normal. My family has no idea about any of this, I somehow manage to hide it all from them, I can hold it together when they are around. Unless they irritate me, then I tend to fly off the handle and yell at whomever is bugging me. I'm not sure if I'm on the right track or what. I'm probably going to go see a counselor or a shrink or something....
Outcast Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I'm probably going to go see a counselor or a shrink or something.... That's an excellent idea!
suegail Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 You seem to have a pretty good handle on what you feel the situation is, and the reason I mention that is because my father was bipolar and everyone around him knew he had problems, but did he believe it? absolutely not. It made things very difficult because of just that - he never accepted the fact that he needed help. He would not get help. I'm wondering if that is typical with brain chemical imbalances of this type? The inability to understand the need for medical treatment. I really don't know. It has to be good though that you see that you could possibly be affected by this condition and I guess my advice would be to take it to a person qualified to diagnose. You did say you've had a history of drugs and alcohol, apparently in large amounts and of course any of that is capable of rendering you less able to function as you normally would. It wasn't clear to me if you meant that when you experienced this last turbulent near mental breakdown if you were at that time taking anything, drinking, or both? I hope you find some answers...
RecordProducer Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Bipolar people are not aware of their mental illness and psychiatrists say it's impossible to make self-diagnosis on this matter. You can see a therapist to help you with your problems though. But I wouldn't "count" on manic-depressive disorder.
Author BigB Posted September 19, 2005 Author Posted September 19, 2005 You seem to have a pretty good handle on what you feel the situation is, and the reason I mention that is because my father was bipolar and everyone around him knew he had problems, but did he believe it? absolutely not. It made things very difficult because of just that - he never accepted the fact that he needed help. He would not get help. I'm wondering if that is typical with brain chemical imbalances of this type? The inability to understand the need for medical treatment. I really don't know. It has to be good though that you see that you could possibly be affected by this condition and I guess my advice would be to take it to a person qualified to diagnose. You did say you've had a history of drugs and alcohol, apparently in large amounts and of course any of that is capable of rendering you less able to function as you normally would. It wasn't clear to me if you meant that when you experienced this last turbulent near mental breakdown if you were at that time taking anything, drinking, or both? I hope you find some answers... I've read that not all people with mental issues are in complete denial, but I do think most are at first. My cousin only wants help when she's depressed and on the edge of killing herself. The rest of the time manic is way to fun. I do have a history with drugs and alcohol, I've often used them as a way to numb myself when depressed. At one point in my early 20's I spend almost a year like that. As a teenager I did a lot of drugs recreationaly, I've read that drugs can cause chemical imbalance type issues when used as a teen. I wasn't using any drugs or alcohol this time, might be why I haven't crashed into a depression yet... I dunno... I just got off the phone with my mom, she knows her way around the mental health system from dealing with my sister. She's gonna have my sister's psychologist guy give me a call, and I'm going to try and get signed up for medical insurance through my job, then I'll be able to ask a Dr. about it, get some tests, etc. I figured that in this couple days of clarity I better get the ball rolling. If my past tells me anything it's that I'm about to get really depressed again.
suegail Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I think that is the best course to take and I'm glad to hear you're taking immediate action. The things you described, the euphoria and feeling of being nearly out of touch with reality - that's alarming. No drug use or alcohol at the time....and I doubt a breakup with the girlfriend would have brought on something like that, to that degree....so, I just think you're doing the smart thing... best of luck...
d'Arthez Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Bipolar people are not aware of their mental illness and psychiatrists say it's impossible to make self-diagnosis on this matter. Yes, as most people who suffer from personality disorders are no psychiatrists. Otherwise it is absolutely not true, that people cannot be aware of the possible disorders they might suffer from. You can see a therapist to help you with your problems though. But I wouldn't "count" on manic-depressive disorder. The diagnosis is called bi-polar personality disorder instead of manic-depressive disorder. The name has been changed quite a while ago. And above that, there is a whole range of qualifications that can be made with the diagnosis bi-polar disorder. I do have a history with drugs and alcohol, I've often used them as a way to numb myself when depressed. At one point in my early 20's I spend almost a year like that. Not all bipolars suffer from a steady pattern of mania and depression, with the one consistently following the other. Often it happens that people suffer first from a depressive bout, and when that has disappeared, are back to normal. Logically speaking, self-medication with alcohol would not result in you getting out of your depression, as alcohol is a depressant itself. I am not saying that you are bi-polar, as I am not qualified to make that diagnosis. Just saying that this is not inconsistent with the diagnosis of bi-polar disorder. As a teenager I did a lot of drugs recreationaly, I've read that drugs can cause chemical imbalance type issues when used as a teen. Yes, that is also true. And probably one of the first questions a psychiatrist or doctor will ask, as it seems to often play a role in developing the disorder. Definitely see a psychiatrist or counselor.
erika2610 Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Bipolar people are not aware of their mental illness and psychiatrists say it's impossible to make self-diagnosis on this matter. You can see a therapist to help you with your problems though. But I wouldn't "count" on manic-depressive disorder. That's not true at all. Have you ever had a mental illness? You are absolutely aware. And anything you might've done may've triggered it, but chemical imbalances can be genetic.. and you said you have a family history of it..
Outcast Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Bipolar people are not aware of their mental illness and psychiatrists say it's impossible to make self-diagnosis on this matter There is no fact behind this whatsoever. I suspect you don't even know any people with bipolar. I do and most absolutely know what's wrong and absolutely were aware. I think people who spout myths and rumours as though they are truth without understanding the facts are not only unhelpful but can do a lot of harm. Big B there are several forms of bipolar disorder and not all of them follow what people think is the 'typical' pattern. And certainly your history of self-medicating is another indicator. It is said that a large number of people who abuse drugs and alcohol are self-medicating for disorders. I'm wondering if that is typical with brain chemical imbalances of this type? The inability to understand the need for medical treatment. This can be the case if someone is very ill, and of course if they have become psychotic. However psychosis is the extreme end of the mental illness spectrum.
alphamale Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 I'm not sure if I'm on the right track or what. I'm probably going to go see a counselor or a shrink or something.... Many people are not diagnosed with this illness until much later in life but usually the onset of serious symptoms start in the early 20's. You need good medical care. This is a fairly serious hereditary problem that can be controlled with the correct medications. See a physician (and I mean a medical doctor here) immediately. The longer you let it go untreated, the worse it will get.
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