Gargomo Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Hi everyone, I have a "friend", who's part of a group of friends but I only saw him 3-4 times and we never talked to each other separately. He dated a girl for 4 months, I was attracted to her before but that's it. I never talked to her or even thought about a relationship with her. She's just very attractive. I am not completely ugly either, I am saying that because I know I could have my chances with her otherwise it'd have been clear that she's just using me. I saw her once or twice in a party and weirdly enough we started talking through Instagram. The talk were very casual as I would talk to a friend but still it was strange that she started to talk to me even though she's in a relationship with my friend. My friend was aware of our casuals talks and I heard he was a bit jealous of me. He never said anything to me. I didn't have anything to hide and I didn't feel guilty of anything because I talk to several girls as friends, nothing much here. Fastforward 4 months later, I learn that they are no longer together and that girl told me that it was partly because of me. I was shocked because I don't why it'd end because of me and I asked my friend if it was true but oddly enough he said it wasn't. We continued talking a few times a week with the girl and I ended up seeing her in another party. A friend of mine scheduled a workout session with the 3 of us (she's a coach) which I at first refused because I knew it'd make my friend uncomfortable. A few days later, I accepted it and we had the workout together. At the end of it she asked us if we wanted to join her and her friend in a cosy bar later on and we accepted (I shouldn't have...). That's where it gets nasty... A few drinks later, at 3am when I was going to jump in my car to get back home. She came in the car, we talked a bit and before leaving she kissed me out of the blue and I kissed her back. I saw her again 2-3 days later and we kissed again. I don't know why I went to see her even if I felt very guilty. Maybe I lost my brain in the process... This thing never happened to me before and I've always been very loyal, respectful and mature towards my friends even if I don't really consider him like a friend. Long story short, even if's not a real friend, I feel guilty doing this to him. Furthermore, some of my friends are saying that she's doing this to make him feel bad but we started talking even before their relationship ended. Others are saying that she's been into me since the beginning and there is nothing shady here. Regarding my friend, I've been very clear to him and I didn't hide what happened. Now I kinda like her but I am not sure what's she's thinking and I must be very careful. A part of me is just telling me to get the **** out of this situation and avoid her at all costs. Another part of me is saying YOLO, she must be sincere otherwise that's a big big set-up. Sorry for the long read ! TL;DR; : I kissed a friend's ex and I am not sure about her intentions.
d0nnivain Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 It's not a set up She likes you. Unless the guy is your BFF since forever, don't worry about it. They weren't together all that long. Do be sensitive & not throw it in his face but you & this girl are free to date each other.
Mrs._December Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Well, you saw what she did while she was with the other guy - she disrespected him and showed interest in you and became your 'friend' on Instag. And of course your guy friend isn't going to admit that his breakup had anything to do with you. Why on earth would he humiliate himself like that in front of you if that IS the reason? So don't be surprised if you end up dating her and something shinier catches her eye and she's off once more, just being 'friends' with someone else on Instag and disrespecting you until you guys break up.
Author Gargomo Posted February 11, 2019 Author Posted February 11, 2019 You are right and I am not fond of dating her. But I don't want to being also judged for doing so if it ever happened. I don't know if it's very evil of her texting me while she was in relationship. My last relationship lasted 6 years and my ex was a very loyal and kind girl. At the end of the relationship, she also started texting someone else because the relationship was ending. I guess it's quite human to look for support elsewhere even if I never did it myself.
olivetree Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 When you heard your friend was a bit jealous of her talking to you, you should have stopped. What's done is done... Do you like her that much? Do you care if you lose this "friendship" with this other guy? You sound kind of wishy washy about both her and the friendship. So you need to think about whether you like her enough to pursue her and whether or not you care about things being possibly awkward with your social group if you're all out together.
smackie9 Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 screw that...she likes you better and you want some of that action...too frickin bad for buddy there, you have every right to get with this girl. It's happens, everyone gets over it and life goes on. Stop being a wuss....enjoy this girl, have fun....you only live once.
Author Gargomo Posted February 12, 2019 Author Posted February 12, 2019 Thanks for your replies boys and girls ! I appreciate it and it helps me a lot. I am maybe overthinking this because I am consider myself like a "nice" guy meaning that I never did really something wrong or hurtful to others. Which also means that sometimes I let other dictates who I really am. I just want to say **** it and I'll do whatever I want. I mean I am 26yo this is not going to screw me over for the rest of my life...
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