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Could it be her fault/like she isn’t girlfriend material/ that he did this to her?

Destini

By Destini
in General Relationship Discussion

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Destini Member

Destini

Posted
Posted

Okay so my friend has been talking/dating this guy (at least that’s what she thought) they texted everyday, he flirted, she sent memes they had sex a few times, twice unprotected. He even called her his girlfriend. He made it seem as though he liked her and was interested but today he was suppose to get her the latest iPhone, he owed her that for something she did for him involving credit and money. He texted her, told her “I got you baby. I owe you more than just a phone too. My cousin is selling a phone I only have $350 he’s charging me $700 but if you give me another $200 he’ll let you have it and you’ll only be $50 short but he’s my cousin so that’s okay.” Now she trusted him so they ended up meeting each other at walmart, to get her $200 cash back, his cousin met them at wal Mart to give her the phone. Her supposed “boyfriend” told her he had to go to the bathroom and when he came out of the bathroom he had the phone. But then he goes to the electronic section to get a new charger but then he tells her he’s just gonna steal the charger and that he just had to get out the store without getting caught first. So he walks off and tells her to wait. 20 mins goes by and she realizes something has to be wrong. Her phone was dead (he knew that) so she had to find a charger in Wal-Mart. After that she gets a Lyft home but on her way home she texts him saying how he was wrong and asking him why he just left her etc. she decides to look at her “new phone” and she opens it and it’s just full of batteries and a lock. It made it feel like a real phone. So now she’s confused and upset and she texts him and calls but now the phone is say “the subscriber is not accepting calls.” And the messages are sending green and not saying delivered So now she knows she is blocked. She calls me and tells me everything. She trusted him and really liked him.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
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She trusted him and really liked him.

 

She needs to seriously raise her standards.

  • Like 3
Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

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She's the victim of a scam, a crime. Instead of wondering if there's something wrong with her, shouldn't she report this crime to the police? She was swindled. He's a con man and he's doing this to other women as well. Don't blame the victim.

  • Like 4
Mrs._December Established Member

Mrs._December

Posted
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Is she so foolish that she's going to cry into her Wheaties hoping he'll appear at her doorstep and sweet talk her because she loooooooooves him so much that she'll happily forgive him? Or is she going to find her dignity and self respect and file a report with the police about this low life POS?

 

Something tells me she's still waiting and hoping. And that's WHY this POS keeps getting away with ripping off young, dumb women like your friend who are more concerned with their bruised hearts than they are making sure this ass-wipe gets what he deserves. Tell her to do the right thing and report him. What your friend doesn't understand is that she wasn't the first foolish woman he tricked out of money. There were likely others before her that he's scammed. Maybe if the one he scammed last had actually reported him, he might have thought twice before screwing your friend out of hundreds of dollars.

 

If none of these foolish girls report him, he's just going to keep getting away with it.

  • Like 1
hippychick3 Established Member

hippychick3

Posted
Posted
Okay so my friend has been talking/dating this guy (at least that’s what she thought) they texted everyday, he flirted, she sent memes they had sex a few times, twice unprotected. He even called her his girlfriend. He made it seem as though he liked her and was interested but today he was suppose to get her the latest iPhone, he owed her that for something she did for him involving credit and money. He texted her, told her “I got you baby. I owe you more than just a phone too. My cousin is selling a phone I only have $350 he’s charging me $700 but if you give me another $200 he’ll let you have it and you’ll only be $50 short but he’s my cousin so that’s okay.” Now she trusted him so they ended up meeting each other at walmart, to get her $200 cash back, his cousin met them at wal Mart to give her the phone. Her supposed “boyfriend” told her he had to go to the bathroom and when he came out of the bathroom he had the phone. But then he goes to the electronic section to get a new charger but then he tells her he’s just gonna steal the charger and that he just had to get out the store without getting caught first. So he walks off and tells her to wait. 20 mins goes by and she realizes something has to be wrong. Her phone was dead (he knew that) so she had to find a charger in Wal-Mart. After that she gets a Lyft home but on her way home she texts him saying how he was wrong and asking him why he just left her etc. she decides to look at her “new phone” and she opens it and it’s just full of batteries and a lock. It made it feel like a real phone. So now she’s confused and upset and she texts him and calls but now the phone is say “the subscriber is not accepting calls.” And the messages are sending green and not saying delivered So now she knows she is blocked. She calls me and tells me everything. She trusted him and really liked him.

 

This was very stupid of her. He sounds like a total loser. I hope she has learned from this and raises her standards 100%. If not, she would not be a victim...she'd be a participant.

 

She needs to file a police report.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's not her fault. He is a criminal. Do not lose sight of that.

 

However, both you & her need to improve the standards you apply to the men you pick. She also needs to stop having unprotected sex with these guys. The only way this would be worse is if the awful guy got her pregnant.

 

He stole from WalMart & her. She needs to report him to the cops now.

  • Like 2
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Destini Member

Destini

Posted
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Is she so foolish that she's going to cry into her Wheaties hoping he'll appear at her doorstep and sweet talk her because she loooooooooves him so much that she'll happily forgive him? Or is she going to find her dignity and self respect and file a report with the police about this low life POS?

 

Something tells me she's still waiting and hoping. And that's WHY this POS keeps getting away with ripping off young, dumb women like your friend who are more concerned with their bruised hearts than they are making sure this ass-wipe gets what he deserves. Tell her to do the right thing and report him. What your friend doesn't understand is that she wasn't the first foolish woman he tricked out of money. There were likely others before her that he's scammed. Maybe if the one he scammed last had actually reported him, he might have thought twice before screwing your friend out of hundreds of dollars.

 

If none of these foolish girls report him, he's just going to keep getting away with it.

 

 

Oh trust me she knows. She actually wasn’t crying or anything just upset at herself and him. She can’t file a report I don’t think considering he didn’t aggressively steal from her she handed the money over to him but she’s still been trying to figure out if she can file a report or not.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Oh trust me she knows. She actually wasn’t crying or anything just upset at herself and him. She can’t file a report I don’t think considering he didn’t aggressively steal from her she handed the money over to him but she’s still been trying to figure out if she can file a report or not.

 

It's called theft by deception. He took her $200 & essentially gave her an empty box.

  • Like 1
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Yes there is something wrong with her!

 

She doesn’t recognize a scumbag when he is right in front of her.

 

She doesn’t care about her life, or her future, or herself as she makes really bad choices like allowing a scummy low life have sex with her without protection.

 

So not she is put money, and needs to go get a pregnancy and STD screening.

 

I hope she takes this as a BIG LESSON! That she needs to want better for herself. That she should not be having unprotected sex unless she is in an EXCLUSIVE relationship with a man who is ready to be the father of her children (hint, it’s not the kind of guy who steals). Because unprotected sex = babies.

 

She needs to learn how to recognize users, and that what they had in no way resembles a good relationship. She needs to learn not to give scumbags money, nor her body.

 

I am really sorry she went through this, but I am hoping she got through the unprotected sex without consequences (scary!!!!!!!) and that losing money was the worse thing here. Hopefully lesson learned so she does not get involved with the same kind of low life again

  • Like 1
FMW Established Member

FMW

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She's waiting around for a guy to shoplift?

 

She shouldn't have had any expectations of him whatsoever after that. Thieves and cheats are not selective in their victims.

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Destini Member

Destini

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She's waiting around for a guy to shoplift?

 

She shouldn't have had any expectations of him whatsoever after that. Thieves and cheats are not selective in their victims.

 

She didn’t wait what really happened was he told her that he was gonna steal the charger she thought about herself at least for once and told him to not Steal while standing next to her so in other words she wasn’t gonna walk out the store with him while he walked out with a unpaid object. So that’s when he told her so that they wouldn’t have the workers being suspicious of it for her to wait a few minutes to walk out after him but her gut told her that something wasn’t right with him doing/saying that and that’s when she figured and just knew he left her.

Tamfana Established Member

Tamfana

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He committed a crime and that is all his fault, not your friend's fault. However, don't loan money to people you don't know. Either give the money away no strings attached or don't exchange money at all.

 

I agree with the others who are saying to go to the police and file a report right now.

Edited by Tamfana
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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Nothing about what you wrote has anything to do with your friend's character or worthiness of being a girlfriend. What you wrote has everything to do with a scamming fraud who hoodwinked your friend out of money and phone--and she should report him to the police. She owes him nothing like loyalty or silence.

  • Like 2
lurker74 Established Member

lurker74

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It's not her fault. He is a criminal. Do not lose sight of that.

 

However, both you & her need to improve the standards you apply to the men you pick. She also needs to stop having unprotected sex with these guys. The only way this would be worse is if the awful guy got her pregnant.

 

He stole from WalMart & her. She needs to report him to the cops now.

 

I disagree. It's her fault. It's a terminal lack of judgement. It may ALSO be his fault, criminally speaking, but her being in this situation is most definitely her fault. And she'll do it again until she gets so sick of being treated like dirt that she starts to respect herself.

 

Sadly, most people willing to shoplift from Walmart (or "date" those who do) never get to the self-respect level.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's not her fault that he's a thief. It is her fault that she picks bad men.

 

The serenity prayer applies to more then drinking & drugs:

 

Lord give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

 

In this scenario she doesn't understand that she can change how she choses me to date & that she must change that approach or risk more bad guys like him. She & Destini both need more wisdom in their lives.

  • Like 3
olivetree Established Member

olivetree

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I find it concerning that you think that your friend may have got scammed because she is not gf material.

 

That is just so backwards.

  • Like 4
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Yeah like others have pointed out, this has nothing to do with being “girl friend material” and everything to do with not having any self respect.

 

She doesn’t know how to respect herself. Not let dirt bags have unprotected sex with her. To not give money to people who do not respect her. To hang out in front of a Walmart while Mr. boyfriend of the year tries to steal a charger - oh right, he wasn’t stealing a charger, he was stealing her money, stealing her self worth.

 

We CHOOSE the people we invite into our lives. Why did she choose this con man to be so incredibly generous with? The phone was a repayment? I am sorry she got scammed so much - and I hope hope hope she is not pregnant! That would be just horrible.

 

Soooo yeah, unless she takes a hard look at WHY she picked such a terrible man, things like this will probably keep happening.

 

It’s sad that she didn’t have a strong father figure in her life to teach her that she deserves soooo much more than this.

Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

Posted
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OP, this is why criminals continue to operate. People are ashamed to admit that they've been swindled. They know people will judge and say it happened because he or she is stupid, has low standards, desperate, etc. Even women who are victims of date rape will remain silent because people will say she got herself into that situation.

 

But a crime is a crime. There are organized criminals targeting people on dating website. They do succeed in getting people to send them money. That's why the criminals continue. Some of these people are normally smart but the criminals are professionals. Victims don't come forward because they'll get the blame.

  • Like 2
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Destini Member

Destini

Posted
  • Author
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It's not her fault that he's a thief. It is her fault that she picks bad men.

 

The serenity prayer applies to more then drinking & drugs:

 

Lord give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

 

In this scenario she doesn't understand that she can change how she choses me to date & that she must change that approach or risk more bad guys like him. She & Destini both need more wisdom in their lives.

 

My relationship is fine. The same guy that I told you guys about and him doing things sexually to me in the car a few months ago since then we have both gotten each other Christmas gifts, me and his sister get along. I have her Snapchat, phone number etc she even sends me videos of him working when she goes to visit him at work. I even know his underwear size lmaoo, I bring him lunch, he does the same for me but instead he buys me lunch sometimes through uber eats. We eat out often, we’re going to the auto show for Valentine’s Day. His family likes me and we’re going out of town without each other, he’s going to Miami in the Spring I’m going to Vegas in August but we both trust each other enough to not care. Although he slickly mentioned something about how girls are gonna be all over him in Miami but that’s not cheating, we talked about that and moved on. I love my sister and feel bad for her and hopes that she learned but my dating situation is no where near like hers. I’m on birth control so we do have unprotected sex, and yea sometimes in the car or we get hotels a lot but only because neither of us live alone. So my relationship is fine. My sister is who i’m Worried about with the guys she choose to date. I mean this only her second experience with dating/having a boyfriend and only her second sexual partner and before him she hadn’t had sex or dated a guy in a year. So she does respect herself(referring to the the people who said she didn’t) she just has to open her eyes and realize that the world is full of people who could care less and will use you. Especially con artist. She learned a lesson the hard way.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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What guy you had sex in a car with? Last time I looked you were out of work & pregnant by some guy who impregnated you while cheating on his GF. You were living with some relative of his & not understanding why we all wanted you to get away from him.

 

How old is your sister, BTW? Cause you're only about 19 & not setting the best example for her.

 

Where is your mom in all of this?

  • Like 1
RecentChange Established Member

RecentChange

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Oh gosh, what a sad situation all around.

 

You know his underwear size..... yeah okay that is deep commitment right there.

 

You BOTH are way too trusting. You can’t trust the man who impregnated you, and you are risking your unborn child if you are having unprotected sex with him.

 

I really wish you girls had some good role models, because it’s painfully obvious that you do not - and you both are going to learn lessons the hard way. The painful, will ruin your future and the future of your children hard way.

  • 2 weeks later...
Alice82 Member

Alice82

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No it's that man's fault. If you aren't normally put in that kind of situation and the man asks you to do something that nobody sans would normally ask you to do, it creates a type of underlying fear in a woman and confusion and creates a bad dynamic. I've been in a situation like that before. It's not her fault if somebody's parents are letting their psychotic kid walk around. Somebody has to know he is unstable and I am betting he has abused members of his immediate family long before he set out to find new victims that he knows he can get away with stuff.

anika99 Established Member

anika99

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OP, this is why criminals continue to operate. People are ashamed to admit that they've been swindled. They know people will judge and say it happened because he or she is stupid, has low standards, desperate, etc. Even women who are victims of date rape will remain silent because people will say she got herself into that situation.

 

But a crime is a crime. There are organized criminals targeting people on dating website. They do succeed in getting people to send them money. That's why the criminals continue. Some of these people are normally smart but the criminals are professionals. Victims don't come forward because they'll get the blame.

 

Exactly this! I can't believe how viciously the posters are attacking this girl whom they don't know and who isn't even posting here. This guy did a terrible thing to her and everyone is attacking her? One poster even said it's all her fault but maybe it's a little bit the guys fault too. Are you kidding me? I'm so glad none of you ever struggled in your youth, none of you ever picked a bad partner, none of you were ever naive and gullible and none of you ever made a bad decision.

 

I guess those of us who struggled with issues like low self esteem and inexperience when we were young are just losers who deserved to be treated horribly. We certainly shouldn't hold the thieving scamming men responsible for their actions, why their practically being forced to steal by their loser victims. Poor guys! Their the real victims. He stole from Walmart? Well let's all blame that on the girl too! That must mean she's a disease ridden loose woman who is probably going to pregnant. If she wasn't such a low down dirty no self respect woman she could have never been victimized. Loser.

 

Honest to God. No compassion, no empathy, no kindness. Let's all just stomp on that girls head some more because she hasn't been humiliated enough.

 

Your friend may have been gullible, she may have gotten involved with this guy because she lacks maturity or has some self esteem issues. If that's the case now she has learned a valuable lesson about trusting bad men. However she cannot be blamed for this guy's actions. He is the thief and the user. That's not your friend's fault and she did not deserve any of this. Being girlfriend material has nothing to with anything. If someone isn't girlfriend material you then you just don't date them. Your friend may have some issues but this guy is 10 times worse. He is a terrible human being

Whodatdog Established Member

Whodatdog

Posted
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What guy you had sex in a car with? Last time I looked you were out of work & pregnant by some guy who impregnated you while cheating on his GF. You were living with some relative of his & not understanding why we all wanted you to get away from him.

 

How old is your sister, BTW? Cause you're only about 19 & not setting the best example for her.

 

Where is your mom in all of this?

 

I think Destini needs to keep her stories straight.

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