BJP1991 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 (edited) Hey Everyone, What do people who are in the very early stages of dating someone do for Valentine's Day? I’ve been dating a few girls casually (mostly getting to know people and seeing how we connect) the last couple months and one of them, in particular, I have seen once a week for nearly a month. We sometimes go out and about, sometimes stay in, but always end up having sex a few times every time we see each other. The other night I took her on more of a formal “date”, with me buying her dinner at a nice place before we went back to hers for movies etc (and sex, basically, if you're going to judge me for this, please don't reply). I’d like to keep seeing her on a regular basis, and she’s the type that I’m into (makes me forget about other girls I have been on dates with recently, which I acknowledge as an indication of deeper feelings for her). For people who are single, and in the very early-stages of dating someone, like myself, do you like to actually DO something on Valentines Day with someone who is still relatively new? Or just ignore the holiday all-together and see them whenever it makes sense for your schedule? We have hungout once a week for nearly a month now, and I really do enjoy everything that we have going on. I was thinking about calling her on Valentines Day (which is Thursday this week) in the early evening to ask her out again for the coming weekend, and perhaps slip in a Happy Valentine's day in there at the same time. What do you think? Outside of our dates and hangouts, we don't chitchat or text too much during the week. Cheers! Edited February 10, 2019 by BJP1991
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 If you are multi dating, Valentine's Day is sticky. I would not spend the day itself with any one women as it will send a message about how serious things are. For the others, pick days around the 14th & so something small: a card that says something general like Happy Valentine's Day but not "be mine" or any mention of love; a small box of chocolate; and perhaps a flower but not a red rose.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 When they don't get asked out on the day, that will let them know they are not on your serious list and you are keeping your options open. Now if these women know you are multi-dating then you are in the clear. 1
edgygirl Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I was in this situation a few years ago. I was having dinner with a family member who was visiting. The man asked if he could join us after work and then we’d go for drinks. He did, and got me a very expensive box of chocolates which I opened in front of my family member. I thought it was cute, low key and appropriate. Not over the top. My family member left and we went on for drinks and then to his place. I think going for drinks later on (not dinner) and bringing a small chocolate box d is cute with that one you like most. I knew it didn’t mean we were exclusive or so because of that as we’ve been dating only a few weeks.
Author BJP1991 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 When they don't get asked out on the day, that will let them know they are not on your serious list and you are keeping your options open. Now if these women know you are multi-dating then you are in the clear. Even if you've only known the person for a month and have spent time with them on 4 occasions only? I think it's pretty dramatic if she would think I am disinterested just because I don't try to plan a date ON Valentine's Day. Wouldn't a simple call to chat, ask her out for a date the coming weekend, and wishing her happy Valentine's day suffice? I can't help but feel that a date ON Valentine's day, this early in the stages of us knowing one another, feels like it comes on too strong and is too pushy for a relationship. There has never been a discussion between us about if we are seeing other people. For all I know, she is dating other men too, that is just the way life operates at my age, with online dating/apps, etc. Assuming she is only invested in me and not talking to other men is only a disservice to myself.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 If you REALLY like this girl you can send her a single red rose with a note, or do it in person with a card. I had guys do more than that after a first date so it's not over the top to do that.
Author BJP1991 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 If you REALLY like this girl you can send her a single red rose with a note, or do it in person with a card. I had guys do more than that after a first date so it's not over the top to do that. I have been considering almost this exact same thing, but was thinking I would just give it to her on the weekend after Valentine's Day. A single rose and maybe a simple/goofy card from Walgreens or whatever. So now, I am reconsidering and thinking I would maybe call Wednesday to see if she would like to watch a movie or something on Valentines day (she doesn't drink really, so offering to take her our for a drink is sort of off the table). Thoughts as to when/how to approach that?
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Even if you've only known the person for a month and have spent time with them on 4 occasions only? I think it's pretty dramatic if she would think I am disinterested just because I don't try to plan a date ON Valentine's Day. Wouldn't a simple call to chat, ask her out for a date the coming weekend, and wishing her happy Valentine's day suffice? I can't help but feel that a date ON Valentine's day, this early in the stages of us knowing one another, feels like it comes on too strong and is too pushy for a relationship. There has never been a discussion between us about if we are seeing other people. For all I know, she is dating other men too, that is just the way life operates at my age, with online dating/apps, etc. Assuming she is only invested in me and not talking to other men is only a disservice to myself. Let's see the results before anyone, including yourself, makes assumptions. You don't know her well enough to know, and I most certainly don't know for sure what she expects. I'm just going by experience and what is discussed by women around the water cooler for the last 3 decades. (I work with a lot of women, all ages from 19 to 70+)
alphamale Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 just give her a card for V-day...and maybe a small box of Godiva chocolates if you like 1
Author BJP1991 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 just give her a card for V-day...and maybe a small box of Godiva chocolates if you like The question isn't if I should get her anything, it's if it's important or not to set a date on Valentine's day, or if just giving her a call to ask her out for the weekend and wish her a happy valentines day would be acceptable. Personally, I don't even know if I want a relationship for sure, but she does all the right things when I am around her to make me feel comfortable with her and comfortable with the idea of potentially having one.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I have been considering almost this exact same thing, but was thinking I would just give it to her on the weekend after Valentine's Day. A single rose and maybe a simple/goofy card from Walgreens or whatever. So now, I am reconsidering and thinking I would maybe call Wednesday to see if she would like to watch a movie or something on Valentines day (she doesn't drink really, so offering to take her our for a drink is sort of off the table). Thoughts as to when/how to approach that? If you made her a simple home cooked meal that would be amazing. Hopefully she will be wearing sexy lingerie when you rip her clothes off lol.
alphamale Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 The question isn't if I should get her anything, it's if it's important or not to set a date on Valentine's day, or if just giving her a call to ask her out for the weekend and wish her a happy valentines day would be acceptable. Personally, I don't even know if I want a relationship for sure, but she does all the right things when I am around her to make me feel comfortable with her and comfortable with the idea of potentially having one. yea a call to ask her out for the wknd and to wish her a happy V-day sounds good...but keep the convo short and don't tell her you love her or anything
Author BJP1991 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 If you made her a simple home cooked meal that would be amazing. Hopefully she will be wearing sexy lingerie when you rip her clothes off lol. I would totally go with this if I hadn’t just done that two dates ago. I guess I am a little apprehensive about trying to make a date/plans on Valentine’s Day, in that it could make her shy away from me, if she thinks it’s too soon in us knowing one another. She does like ice cream, so maybe asking her over for ice cream and a movie would suffice, then I could give her a card or a single rose or something. Conveniently for me, there is a flower shop within walking distance of my house. 1
alphamale Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 then I could give her a card or a single rose or something. Conveniently for me, there is a flower shop within walking distance of my house. dude , don't make a rookie mistake. NEVER give any woman just one flower/rose. it makes you look cheap and uninspired.
Author BJP1991 Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 dude , don't make a rookie mistake. NEVER give any woman just one flower/rose. it makes you look cheap and uninspired. She’s only known me for barely a month, so giving her a full bouquet of flowers will just send the wrong message. If she was my girlfriend obviously I would do that, but I disagree with you wholeheartedly
alphamale Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 She’s only known me for barely a month, so giving her a full bouquet of flowers will just send the wrong message. If she was my girlfriend obviously I would do that, but I disagree with you wholeheartedly don't give her any flowers...just a card and maybe small box of chocolate like I said
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Single red rose and her favorite ice cream would suffice. Serve it in one of those sugared waffle bowls. Someone at work did that for the staff, and it was a huge hit.
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 don't give her any flowers...just a card and maybe small box of chocolate like I said Dude, if they weren't having sex, I would say keep it simple...but they have been having plenty of it, I think she should get at least one flower out of the deal.
alphamale Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Dude, if they weren't having sex, I would say keep it simple...but they have been having plenty of it, I think she should get at least one flower out of the deal.
d0nnivain Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 The question isn't if I should get her anything, it's if it's important or not to set a date on Valentine's day, or if just giving her a call to ask her out for the weekend and wish her a happy valentines day would be acceptable. Personally, I don't even know if I want a relationship for sure, but she does all the right things when I am around her to make me feel comfortable with her and comfortable with the idea of potentially having one. You may regret not spending your 1st Valentine's Day together. She may resent you for that. It's one thing if you aren't available but to ignore it will cause more problems then it solves. 1
edgygirl Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I agree, I would resent if the guy I’m most interested in didn’t want to meet at least for a couple of drinks. I would be wondering WHO is he inviting instead of me, and not make him a priority anymore. Go for a drink after dinner time so it’s not that pompous, and bring a small chocolate box. 1
alphamale Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 You may regret not spending your 1st Valentine's Day together. She may resent you for that. It's one thing if you aren't available but to ignore it will cause more problems then it solves. they are little more than F-buddies right now
edgygirl Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 But he does see her as potential relationship material, although he’s not sure for now. He might be sure later, but by then she will give him the boot after realizing he’s not that into her by ignoring Valentine’s Day. I think he’s worried that meeting her for VD might send the wrong signals. But if he keeps it casual it won’t. they are little more than F-buddies right now
Ruby Slippers Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I was thinking about calling her on Valentines Day (which is Thursday this week) in the early evening to ask her out again for the coming weekend, and perhaps slip in a Happy Valentine's day in there at the same time. What do you think? This is perfectly fine, and if it's what YOU feel inspired to do, then do it. Anytime I've been dating someone I really click with around Valentine's Day, he invites me out for dinner on V Day. A few years ago I went on a second date with a man on V Day, and we had a blast. He took me to a fabulous restaurant, we got the special Valentine's dinner and a bottle of wine, I wore a slinky red dress. It was super sexy and romantic! Though we only went out a few times, that was a great night and I still think of him very fondly for making it happen. To me, it's never suggested "I'll love you forever" or anything close - just, it's a romantic day and I'd be happy to make it romantic and special for you 2
basil67 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 OP, I'm wondering what's going on with your reticence. Do you have a history of self sabotage? Or of being unable to commit? If you really like her, I think you have more to lose by not inviting her out. Let's face it, if she's into you, she'd love an invitation out. 1
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