Cersei Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I am still not sure why you are together. You described her as "Definitely vain and a little conceited". Besides being pretty, what does she have to bring to the table?
Author JVort Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 I agree we are moving quickly I think Bc we’ve never met anyone like each other and have been in relationships that were very short than we just didn’t feel close to. We come from similar backgrounds and definitely adore each other. No mistaking that. I think at 48 you might move faster than say 40 but I agree probably too fast. As far as the pretty comment that was from her not me although I would say I’m also vain in that I am a sucker for a pretty face. I own that. In my experience many not all are vain and sometimes attention seeking, self absorbed and high maintance par for the course. I understand why in a society that puts so much on woman to be beautiful. Plus what Happens with that tag as a young woman. I must accept or reject and make changes. I’ve been Told by close gfs too go for cute and less into themselves . Maybe I’m not cut out for these women at this point. I will say she told me that she was different grounded not self ebaorvwd etc and I took that at FCS value. Her actions say different
preraph Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 People with kids and a job and a boyfriend are overwhelmingly busy, and if you're ever going to have a life with someone like that, you are going to have to work with her and be understanding when she's having trouble fitting everything in. That's life. It's always best to not wait until the last minute, and she didn't. So not sure why you're so mad. She's having to parse out her time, and everything in her life gets compromised from time to time to make it all work, whether it's work, you, errands or kids. You surely don't expect to be Number 1 with anyone who has kids, do you? Their schedule dictates her schedule and she has to work everything around that, from the top down to her hairdresser.
Author JVort Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 She’s like no ine I’ve met. Great sense of humor, great mom. Takes care of me outside of the last few weeks. Very direct and honest. Affectionate. Loving etc. she’s special. I love her for
Author JVort Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 Well Im quite aware of that bc I have one. Most if the time we spend with them and in no way in my post did I say I was more importan. Just the opposite I said that the little bit of time we get was very important bc it was such a small bit only a few days a week bc we are all so busy. Dont think you're reading the post correctly. Im all for family bc I have one, but im also ver pro communication. Just talk to me and tell me waist going on. Dont agree and do the opposite. My response was not good but I dont think based on lots of stuff I didnt write here that I was out of Line by taking it seriously.
preraph Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 Then why did you get so mad when she felt she needed to get her hair done? It's just one time. You obviously feel you're more important than getting her daily routine stuff done, so.... I can see this degenerating now that you lost your **** over something this minor. 2
Author JVort Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 Then why did you get so mad when she felt she needed to get her hair done? It's just one time. You obviously feel you're more important than getting her daily routine stuff done, so.... I can see this degenerating now that you lost your **** over something this minor. Do I really have to explain this? We spoke about this at length 3 days earlier.We were in agreement. There were other days to choose from. There was no communication to say I know we just talked about this but Im gonna go to the 6 appt. I wouldn't have been a huge fan but I would have appreciate and respected that. There were things leading up that were similarly inconsiderate. Awareness and communication is a big thing for me. I wasn't mad I was more shocked. Funny if I was woman and I told a man that our special alone time was very important to me and should be valued and he agreed and on the day a few days later he said he was going to a basketball game instead when he had other options and could have made it, there would be so much support. Not so much here. Whaddya gonna do. That why you put it up. Peoples experience is more important than opinions tho.
preraph Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I'm just sorry you can't see how out of proportion your reaction is to a woman changing plans ahead of time to get her hair done. Now, I will say this: Maybe she could have met you somewhere afterward or something like that.
TheFinalWord Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I can actually understand why you got upset. She also anticipated that you would get upset, which is why she sent screen shots. I'm clueless about women's fashion, but hair appts are probably hard to get with V-day approaching and she wants to look good on her social media so hair takes precedence? IMHO you are being crap tested. With pretty women like this, you will get tested constantly to see if you are possessive or jealous. She needs to know that she can't walk all over you and that you could replace her with ease. It's good you stood your ground here, but it's built up for a long time and that's why you're getting really mad. You're looking up tires and doing white knight behaviors, when she's putting in a half-way effort. She's walking all over you and you're putting up with it and showing her that she is more valuable than you. I think you can recover, but you are going to have to refrain from putting in more than she is, aka letting her walk all over you. Because you are going to get resentful. You are going to have to learn to become more confident when she puts you through crap tests. It also seems that if you are looking at houses, things are getting serious. Part of her may not be ready for that level of commitment and she may subconsciously be looking for an out. If you passed her crap tests, she may have been at ease with the level of commitment, but it looks like you aren't able to exude confidence during her crap tests. 1
edgygirl Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Haven’t read all the posts but gosh... I do keratin and it takes only a few hours every 4-6 months. Sometimes I have an important event coming up, where I want my hair to be perfect, and the keratin is wearing off and my hair becomes uncontrollable... and it’s hard to book the keratin appt at a time that makes sense. If I get that specific time that works for me, sorry, but I will probably take it. What’s the big deal of canceling one date over 3 months?
edgygirl Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 You seem extremely anxious and emotional, OP. A lot of us women are on the emotional side, and we usually look for a man who can keep their temper intact in conflict situations. We look for a rock. If you don’t learn to control your anxiety and grumpiness over one date being rescheduled, I don’t see this relationship going far. Do some thinking and realize that the problem here was your reaction, not actually this little thing that happened. No wonder she’s pulling away.
Author JVort Posted February 11, 2019 Author Posted February 11, 2019 Yeah I dont see it like that. I see it as me specifically saying that I saw the relationship was out of balance and that she wasn't coming to me very often. I was doing the driving. Not to mention we had like 3 days a month to be alone. I said those days were sacred and much needed and she agreed. That was 3 days before the appt. Not only did she just say ugh when there were other appts available the next two days. She assumed I knew that ugh meant she was taking the 6. I assume that our conversation was important. If she came and said I know that time was important but Im gonna take the 6. id be like go for it. I wouldn't like it but it was considerate. She did nothing like that. To me, thats a slap in the face. If a man did that to a woman it would be a different story.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 I agree we are moving quickly I think Bc we’ve never met anyone like each other and have been in relationships that were very short than we just didn’t feel close to. We come from similar backgrounds and definitely adore each other. No mistaking that. I think at 48 you might move faster than say 40 but I agree probably too fast. Not this fast, no. That's nonsense. My partner was 48 when we started dating 4 years ago, and we both certainly still took a measured, paced approach to developing a relationship. Had he started talking about moving in within 2 or 3 months I would have seen that as a significant red flag, and vice versa. It sounds like you two got completely wrapped up in the honeymoon phase without taking time to actually get to know each other, as a couple, and it is contributing to the current problems. You have apparently decided that you are right, though, so I am not sure what advice we can offer you. You don't appear to be looking for advice, actually. Being disappointed and starting your boundaries after a canceled date is one thing. Reacting so badly it starts "WW3" is something else. You say she saw your point of view, but where is your own willingness to temper your reactions? This isn't so much about a canceled date as much as it's about learning to communicate your disappointment like a mature adult, and learning who the other person really is. You two are such a new couple that you are going to suffocate the life out of this relationship if you both don't pump the brakes a bit. 2
Wallysbears Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 You are WAY too clingy for just dating a few months. Slow your roll or be prepared to be single again. 1
olivetree Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 If you feel she is fading on you, you only see each other a few times (I take that as 3 times) a month and she could have easily taken another appt, I can understand why you are upset. You are not secure in her feelings for you and are afraid that you are losing her. However, your reaction is only going to push her away and make her lose attraction to you. I think you should apologize for your reaction and then let things be. Let her come to you/put some effort into the relationship if you feel it is one-sided.
kendahke Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 If she needs to be sending screenshots I think there is more than meets the eye here. What else is going on in this relationship that you are not telling us? So what really is the issue here, OP--it's not this... this is just a symptom.
kendahke Posted February 11, 2019 Posted February 11, 2019 Do I really have to explain this? We spoke about this at length 3 days earlier.We were in agreement. and do we really need to explain that life happens to plans? If the hairdresser is good, it's hard to get in to see them and you take your appointments when you can get them. If this was going on all the time, I'd see your point. But one time? This is a "kill a gnat with a sledgehammer" reaction--so i'm curious: what kind of punishment do you feel her actions warrant? There was no communication to say I know we just talked about this but Im gonna go to the 6 appt. I wouldn't have been a huge fan but I would have appreciate and respected that. There were things leading up that were similarly inconsiderate. Awareness and communication is a big thing for me. I wasn't mad I was more shocked. Funny if I was woman and I told a man that our special alone time was very important to me and should be valued and he agreed and on the day a few days later he said he was going to a basketball game instead when he had other options and could have made it, there would be so much support. Not so much here. Whaddya gonna do. That why you put it up. Peoples experience is more important than opinions tho. Is all of this enough for you to end the relationship and quit dealing with her altogether? If not, learn how to self-soothe and get over minor disappointments because if you don't, you really are going to be by yourself for some time to come.
Purepony Posted February 12, 2019 Posted February 12, 2019 Stop making excuses for her all these conceded ego maniacs/Instagram he models are the same way
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