primer Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 There is a guy a know that keeps telling me he wants to talk about "us". There is no "us". He has been in a relationship with someone for over one year now. I told him I don't think we need to talk because he is in a relationship. (I am single.) I would not want anyone I was in a long-term relationship with talking to another woman. What would you do? 1
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Keep doing what you are doing. Tell him that if he's single you are willing to listen but not before.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 I would say no, and not have any more communication with him. What's the backstory here? How do you know him?
Author primer Posted February 9, 2019 Author Posted February 9, 2019 I would say no, and not have any more communication with him. What's the backstory here? How do you know him? Small town. He was a couple of years younger than me in school (which was over 30 years ago).
ExpatInItaly Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 How did you two reconnect? I am gathering he somehow got hold of your number or social media contact. When did you start talking again? I feel there is more to this than you're sharing, which might be inadvertent, but how did it go from being classmates 30 ago to telling you that you need to talk about the two of you?
Author primer Posted February 9, 2019 Author Posted February 9, 2019 How did you two reconnect? I am gathering he somehow got hold of your number or social media contact. When did you start talking again? I feel there is more to this than you're sharing, which might be inadvertent, but how did it go from being classmates 30 ago to telling you that you need to talk about the two of you? Small town. Never stopped talking over the years. Stood up in a wedding together, see each other at the grocery store or gas station, see each other at bars and restaurants, he works with my friend, we shot darts against each other in league, he gets his income taxes done where I work, etc. I have been single for a while. Since then he has been wanting to talk about "us". I am not on social media. He called me at work and on my land line. (I have a land line because I live in a rural area where there is not great cell phone service.)
preraph Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Are you at all interested in dating him? If so, take into consideration that he cheats on the one he's with now by contacting you. If not, just tell him, "I'm not interested in a relationship with you even if you were single."
mortensorchid Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I don't like those people who always want to "talk" and "rehash" things. Often times they are looking for reasons or excuses to do something or they are going to take something and use it against you. And have you ever noticed that people seem to take what they want from conversations rather than "the truth"? Don't believe me? People do it all the time. But I digress ... Without knowing your history with this particular person, there's no reason you should talk about things from your past. Is there something in particular you have to say or anything you need to resolve? If so, do so. If not, just wish them all the best and move on.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I would not want anyone I was in a long-term relationship with talking to another woman. What would you do? Good on you! Tell him there is nothing to talk about. If he keeps persisting, block his number.
Author primer Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 I was wondering if I was being a b*tch by not wanting to talk with him. The last thing I want is to interfere in someone's relationship. That smells like trouble.
Art_Critic Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 All he is looking for is to get his noodle wet, stop staying in contact with the guy, he is looking to cheat on his SO and looks at your connection as a possibility. 1
Redhead14 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 (edited) I was wondering if I was being a b*tch by not wanting to talk with him. The last thing I want is to interfere in someone's relationship. That smells like trouble. If you feel like having boundaries and enforcing them makes you a bitch, you need to re-evaluate what bitch means. Boundary enforcing, non-bitchy response: "Hey, Xname, I am quite content with my life and I don't want drama. There is no need for us to talk. I wish you all the best though". Bitchy response: "Hey, you low-life, cheating, scumbag, leave me the F alone" Edited February 10, 2019 by Redhead14 1
smackie9 Posted February 10, 2019 Posted February 10, 2019 I have a question....what has happened that lead up to this. My gut is telling me you haven't been forthcoming with what we need to know....just like so many who start threads on here. Why would he want to do this?
Author primer Posted February 10, 2019 Author Posted February 10, 2019 I have a question....what has happened that lead up to this. My gut is telling me you haven't been forthcoming with what we need to know....just like so many who start threads on here. Why would he want to do this? We have always been friends. We would talk when we saw each other. There was never a time when we were both single at the same time. I think because I am single now, he wants to talk about "us". I am no longer questioning my decision to deny the conversation. Thank you.
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