Puslak Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Hello, I broke up with my Chinese gf 10 days ago because of the syndrome called Retroactive Jealousy. My gf was very aggressively arguing with me almost every 2 weeks over my last ex (also Chinese) - mostly because of keeping the pictures of this ex on my computer. Of course I explained to her many times that I had been keeping pictures of all of my exes because of the sentimental reasons, that they are part of my past and made me who I am today, not because that I can't get over them or something like that. She was always making some ridiculous comparisons between herself and this previous Chinese girl. During the arguments there was no way to calm her down, she was loosing control and aways calling me and especially my ex some terrible names. In her opinion it was all because I resisted deleting the pictures of my ex. I had this battle for about 9 months and finally I said screw this I will delete the pictures (I mean this is what i told her, in reality I hid them). Although I "deleted" these pictures the arguments didn't stop, plus I felt really bad about myself that I had to do something against my core values. After 1 year and two month I finally decided to break up with her. It was a disaster and I still don't know if I have made a right decision cause between the arguments we were a wonderful couple. We exchanged many messages and finally 4 days ago she admitted that she hurt me and in general that she behaved badly. She would like to change and start behaving like an adult (she's 31, I am 32), but I think I have no more patience or hope. I just don't believe that this kind of thing can be easily changed. During the arguments she could push me, and just in general to act crazy - i think beyond the accepted standards. It's a huge shame cause this relationship had a great potential, but I don't want to sit on the ticking bomb. I just feel very sad. My heart tries to tell me that maybe I should try again but before I felt that my intuition was telling me to run. I don't know. She was like a soulmate. I am confused.
DKT3 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Retroactive jealousy is usually aggravated by someone who is doing things that they probably shouldn't be doing in a relationship. Only aggravated, not created. Take a closer look at your behavior and see how maybe you could have adjusted it to make her be more comfortable. It doesn't matter if you stay with her or not, it will still be a benefit in other relationships that follow.
Poutrew Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 What if she kept pictures of all her past boyfriends on her computer? Better yet, what if they were nudes and 'dik pics'? When you question her, she says she keeps them for sentimental reasons and because they made her who she is today, and they are historical and not there because she wants to have sex with them? Think my example is silly or unrealistic? Well, you do not get to define what another person does or why they do it - you either accept it or not. If not, you leave. Sounds like she left. So now it's just you and your pictures...
big dog Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 She's right! You can never move forward while holding to the past. I wouldn't have tolerated it as long as she did. Get rid of the pics and move on... hopefully it's not already too late to work it out with her.
guest569 Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 What if she kept pictures of all her past boyfriends on her computer? Better yet, what if they were nudes and 'dik pics'? When you question her, she says she keeps them for sentimental reasons and because they made her who she is today, and they are historical and not there because she wants to have sex with them? Think my example is silly or unrealistic? Well, you do not get to define what another person does or why they do it - you either accept it or not. If not, you leave. Sounds like she left. So now it's just you and your pictures... What is your point? I would have no issue with this whatsoever. It sounds like the girlfriend was out of line and now realises (after a year of arguing and being dumped). It's too late. The behaviour goes deeper than the fact OP kept some photos. It seems way too aggressive and controlling
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