Sheba Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 My partner and I are facing many problems in our relationship and are seeing a counsellor (see Breaking-up Forum "Should I stay or should I go now"). Yesterday, his ex-wife phoned my partner and said she and two of their sons were going golfing and asked "would he like to come?". The ex-wife has caused a huge amount of grief for my partner - he had to get a court order to be able to have regular visits with his youngest son. We realize that she still has strong feelings for my partner despite the 8 1/2 years of separation. It is important that they get along because he does not want his access interfered with again. I was very hurt when he said he was "sorely tempted" to go with them. He had other plans that prevented him from going. However, I am sure she will ask again since he said "no" so very nicely. I think he should be polite and accommodating to her with respect to caring for the children and helping with the children, but I think outings like golfing together cross "the" line. What do you think? Would you feel comfortable with this situation? Am I wrong to be upset that he might go when next invited?
Author Sheba Posted September 20, 2005 Author Posted September 20, 2005 Isn't there anyone with an opinion about whether I am out to lunch or not?
NickInMass007 Posted September 20, 2005 Posted September 20, 2005 OK, first off, you need to realise that they are no longer together and there was a reason they broke it off in the first place. Having said that, you might want to try the other approach by supporting him in his decision. You are caught up in assumming that she will invite him again and are dreading that day, but you are inadvertantly making every day until that day miserable for yourself abd possibly him. You need to deal with these issues as they happen and not read into them too much. He is begin offered time to spend with his kids by playing a sport with them, I wouldn't turn this opportunity down either. The problem is, she is tagging along. You should be looking at it as an opportunity for him to spend time with his kids and not as her trying to get him back. If your relationship is strong and meant to be, he will laugh at any attempts on her part and come back to you with a silly story, but if he goes and they get along famously, what would you have to lose? Honestly, if you truely love the man you will be happy for him in whatever decision he makes, even if that means getting back with the ex and trying to make his family work. You need to have faith and trust that things will work out and not put pressure on situations that have no happened yet. I wish you the best of luck and I'm sure he will appreciate it big time if you don't trea this as a big deal and simply allow him to do what he wants. By doing so he will look at you as a trusting person who supports him and will stand by him, which in the end will weigh in your favor. Good luck, and remember, stand by your man.
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