Elpida. Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Having some issues lately with my long term boyfriend. We are together for a year in an exclusive relationship, however, he often moves in cycles of being really nice or being mean, kind of like a Jekyll and Hyde. The last few weeks he has been really kind, caring and attentive. We don’t live together but see each other 3-4 times a week. On Thursday night we chatted as normal and had a really nice conversation on the phone before bed (he called me). We have also been in the middle of planning a vacation together for this month. On Friday morning I messaged him asking if he would like to grab a drink in the evening. He ignored the question and started random chatter. After a while, I asked again if he’d like to meet over the weekend because I like to know what I am doing (usually we spend Friday night and Saturday day together, or Saturday night and Sunday day then see our friends the other weekend night) He completely lost it and snapped at me. Said that I was really annoying and to leave him alone and not disturb him for the rest of the day. It was a real “wtf” moment since I literally just suggested to do something nice. I called him and he ripped my head off, made some nasty personal comments and said abruptly that he thought it best that we break up. Anyway, I was really shocked and confused by his sudden nastiness and mean comments about my character. I spent the whole day crying and struggling to concentrate while working and feeling upset. He then messaged me and insisted we go for a drink. He picked me up and just started a general conversation as if nothing happened? “How was work? How’s your Mum?” etc. We had dinner, went for a drink, and then wanted to come back to my place. I got upset and said I didn’t understand what was going on, or whether he wanted to break up with me or not, he was all cuddling and reassuring me “I’m here with you aren’t I? I’m not going anywhere” It doesn’t make any sense. He works Saturdays so after he stayed at my place (it wasn’t for sex, because we didn’t do anything and I was too upset), he went to work and texted me from his office some general crap. The thing to add is that he often says “Let’s break up then” or “I’m leaving you!” whenever any small argument or disagreement happens. Example, I say I’d like to go out to different places more often, rather than sit around at home and order take out. He will say “If you are not happy then maybe we should break up!”, I’ll get upset, then he reassures me he’s not going anywhere. I know I sound kind of pathetic getting so upset yesterday, but it’s like, we could spend an entire amazing day together with him being so sweet and nice, then the next day he’s mean.
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Leave him. He is manipulative and toxic af. He keeps acting that way because you let him. He believe your not going to go anywhere so he can snap and you will be right there like a love sick puppy dog. Break him out of that habit by breaking up. Don't ask us how you can fix him either. He can't. This is who he is. Believe wtf your seeing. And don't make excuses for it either. Say "I don't deserve to be treated the way I have been treated so let's breakup" ignore him and date other men.
stillafool Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 No you aren't pathetic for getting upset by his wishy washy ways. He'd have 2 times to pull this crap on me and after that I would block him. If you continue to put up with his bull he will keep doing this. Is he so dang important that you are afraid to lose him?
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 At this point I'd be suggesting he get a CT scan to check for brain tumors. That behavior is not right. Anybody whose default is to break up over every little problem is not somebody who can sustain a long term relationship. Unless you want the rest of your life to be on this mean spirited rollercoaster, bail now.
hippychick3 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) Any time he suggested breaking up, my responses would have been, “If that’s what you’d like to do, okay.” Then I’d get up and leave. My ex husband did this once when we were dating. My response was exactly that and he freaked out and never said it again. He’s a manipulative jerk and he’s getting off on your reactions. Teach him not to treat you that way by calmly walking away. For good. Edited February 9, 2019 by hippychick3 2
Simple Logic Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) You want to do something other than take in? Leave your BF a $10 gift card for take in with a note telling him to enjoy himself you are going out and having fun. Then turn off your phone until the morning. Edited February 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redhead14 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 This is a toxic person. Bi-Polar, borderline maybe, and it doesn't really matter what the "diagnosis" might be. What matters is that this is not acceptable behavior and you must be walking on eggshells in this relationship. It will be difficult, but you need to tell him that you are moving on and stick to your guns. It is likely that this guy will try keep a hold on, guilt you, manipulate, etc. Imagine dealing with this for years and years and if you have children with this man. Time for you to detox.
BaileyB Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 I called him and he ripped my head off, made some nasty personal comments and said abruptly that he thought it best that we break up. The thing to add is that he often says “Let’s break up then” or “I’m leaving you!” whenever any small argument or disagreement happens. I would help him to make the decision. If a man yelled at me, was mean and made nasty comments, and then suggested we break up... my response would have been, “ok, if that’s what you want.” I wouldn’t even look back as I walked away... Why do you put up with this kind of behavior. Life’s is too short to stay in a bad relationship...
Garcon1986 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Here's what everybody's favorite scientist said (Neil DeGrasse Tyson): “I fear living a life where I could’ve accomplished something and didn’t. That’s what I fear. It is the knowledge that I’m going to die that creates the focus that I bring to being alive. The urgency of accomplishment, the need to express love now, not later.” So don't waste your time on small men mate, there are much more pleasant fish to catch
Versacehottie Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 Omygosh. I'm sorry. People throw around the word abuse too easily--but this sounds like the beginning of a cycle of abuse, at least emotional. I don't think this will get better. It doesn't matter what you have planned in the future or when he has been very nice to you--you should break up with him. I don't know of your other thread where apparently he doesn't accept you for your heritage but that alone should be a deal breaker. Find someone who loves you for who you are (not tolerates it sometimes). He is who he IS--which is a jekyell and hyde personality, That won't change. Rather than he being embarrassed to be with you, maybe you should be embarrassed to be with him. Break up with him. Good luck 1
mortensorchid Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 He sounds bipolar to me. Does he have mood swings, and is he like a tropical storm where one minute he's fine and the next he gets outrageously angry? If so this is a Toxic relationship and you need to point out that he needs to relax or you need to cut the cord with him.
elaine567 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 He sounds bipolar to me. Does he have mood swings, and is he like a tropical storm where one minute he's fine and the next he gets outrageously angry? If so this is a Toxic relationship and you need to point out that he needs to relax or you need to cut the cord with him. Bipolar disorder does not cause minute to minute changes in mood.
primer Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 It sounds like borderline personality disorder to me - but I am no doctor. Get rid of him. My ex always did that to me. When I finally did not let him come back, he was begging me. I had to remind him that I was not great because he broke up with me all of the time. When you are out of that relationship, your life will be smooth flowing with no drama or chaos. Stick to your values. 1
edgygirl Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 (edited) Also sounds Borderline to me. Let him go OP. Find someone who loves and accepts you with no racism and no mood swings. Edited February 10, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
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