Inaebma Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 Hi everyone. I'd like some advice. I'm 29 and my boyfriend of 3 years is 24. We adore each other. Anyway. We're currently at loggerheads because of Snapchat. We both used to use it, but due to the fact that we both had some issues with some of each other's contacts (inappropriately flirty friends, old flames etc) we decided to delete our accounts about 2 years ago. I don't miss it in the slightest, but it turns out he's been dying to use it ever since. It's his messaging app of choice, he says because it's non-committal, casual and fun. Ahem. Anyway the other night he made a really big deal out of announcing that he really wanted to begin using it again, with a new account. He said that all of his closest peers at work (a mix of guys and girls who are all mostly about 4-5 years younger than him) use Snapchat, and they all have group chats and in-jokes and banter on there that he feels left out of. Despite the fact that he chats to them on various other messaging platforms, and sees them regularly in work, this doesn't seem to be enough, and he wants to "strengthen the bond of friendship" via snapchat. I strongly dislike the nature of snapchat. The two of us have, previous to our relationship, been givers and receivers of explicit pictures over the app, and obviously many people use snapchat in this way. During the first year of our relationship he admitted that he still used snapchat to send pictures of himself (non-explicit) to girls he knew on Snapchat (of course amongst other things like pictures of his dog etc). It makes me feel very uncomfortable, insecure and quite paranoid that for some reason according to him, keeping in contact with his friends on transparent messaging apps like messenger, texting, and Instagram isn't enough for him to feel "close" to them. He feels left out that he doesn't use it, and genuinely, I can't help but feel a little paranoid, confused, and dare I say it suspicious. Now of course there's no way I would stop him from downloading it, it's his choice and his right. We've had an open conversation about how it would bring me a great deal of anxiety and stress; its in my nature unfortunately to feel insecure at times. He doesn't understand or appreciate how much I'd prefer he didn't use it, he says I'm being paranoid, and that he will go ahead in getting it anyway despite my anxiety about it. I love that he has a healthy mix of friends, but it concerns me that many of the friends he'll be adding to send and receive pictures with are teenage girls, whilst I'm approaching 30. I guess it is down to insecurity. I feel down about the fact that his urgent need to be involved in snapchat is of higher importance to him than knowing that I feel upset about it. Am I being unreasonable? How can I go about just forgetting about it and not letting it bother me? I know its petty but for some reason its just really getting me down that he would go ahead and do something that he knows makes me very uncomfortable. Thank you for reading and I'd appreciate any comments of help/ guidance. X
d0nnivain Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 It's snapchat. I firmly believe that social media is meaningless. It's virtual. If it is used a tool to hook up in the real world but some stupid flirty message is not doom for a strong relationship. In a healthy relationship, there is trust. You & your guy have been together for 3 years. He's been off this social media for 2 years at your request. Be the bigger person & let this go. If you see him engaging in behaviors you don't like then talk to him. If the behaviors are legitimate gripes on your part & he doesn't change, consider whether his character is flawed but for now, simmer down. Give him enough rope to hang himself. If he stays within bounds be happy.
ericw899 Posted February 9, 2019 Posted February 9, 2019 It's snapchat. I firmly believe that social media is meaningless. It's virtual. If it is used a tool to hook up in the real world but some stupid flirty message is not doom for a strong relationship. In a healthy relationship, there is trust. You & your guy have been together for 3 years. He's been off this social media for 2 years at your request. Be the bigger person & let this go. If you see him engaging in behaviors you don't like then talk to him. If the behaviors are legitimate gripes on your part & he doesn't change, consider whether his character is flawed but for now, simmer down. Give him enough rope to hang himself. If he stays within bounds be happy. I understand your'e insecure, but you need to realize snapchat is a social media app, not a dating app. If he was going to cheat on you, he would do it regardless if he had smapchat. He can just as easily DM girls on instagram, facebook or twitter. I believe what your boyfriend is missing out on are all the jokes and funny pictures of his friends/co-workers. I can't tell you how many times at my job, we capture a co-worker in a funny position or pose and we snap it to each other. He doesn't want to be the guy walking into work not knowing what the buzz and laughing is all about. Unless, he has given you any real reason to not trust him, you need to let it go and allow him to live his own life. Remember snapchat is not tinder. 1
Author Inaebma Posted February 9, 2019 Author Posted February 9, 2019 You guys are right I guess. I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thank you so much for your help
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