Lostmikey Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 I’m going to try to make a long story short... I have been married for over 7 years but after going through a few rough months, my wife decided she wanted to leave. Nothing I tried convinced her and she broke it off and went on to date for several months. But eventually, she came back on bended knee as the saying goes, full of regret. She cries all the time and apologizes all the time. She wants to fix things and get back together. I’m finding it extremely difficult to turn her away, especially because we have a child together, but my love for her is gone and so is my faith in her. To make matters worse, I met a girl not too long ago and now I like her a lot. Every time I see her, I seem to like her a little more. I want nothing more than to see where things could go but I can’t do that until I figure out what to do with my broken marriage. A single day doesn’t go by without this being on my mind and taking a toll on me. It has been months since I’ve been stuck in this place. Why can’t life just be simple?
chillii Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 (edited) Hi mate. Doubt l'll have any words of wisdom just thoughts but l dunno , l mean it only took a few rough mths for your wife to walk , and go dating no less. l mean wtf. And me l don't buy this garbage of ohhh, well she would've given up two years ago and ra ra because if she did then she should've talked to you about it 2 yrs ago, it's no excuse. Sorry though that your in such a tough spot and with a child , just sad. l've been through divorce and the children is the most worst part of it all by far. How have the 7yrs with w been apart from the rough patch , could it have been a happy marriage? You know , with children involved you need to be 110% sure it couldn't work. l dunno about the new girl so soon , of course it'd be better to just can that right now even if to just take the time you really needed to straighten out head and heart and w and you first. l cand understand how you'd feel though but if your w is for real there's also a chance feelings for her might come back in time and save the family and marriage, Edited February 8, 2019 by chillii
Mrs._December Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 I’m going to try to make a long story short... I have been married for over 7 years but after going through a few rough months, my wife decided she wanted to leave. Nothing I tried convinced her and she broke it off and went on to date for several months. But eventually, she came back on bended knee as the saying goes, full of regret. She cries all the time and apologizes all the time. She wants to fix things and get back together. I’m finding it extremely difficult to turn her away, especially because we have a child together, but my love for her is gone and so is my faith in her. To make matters worse, I met a girl not too long ago and now I like her a lot. Every time I see her, I seem to like her a little more. I want nothing more than to see where things could go but I can’t do that until I figure out what to do with my broken marriage. A single day doesn’t go by without this being on my mind and taking a toll on me. It has been months since I’ve been stuck in this place. Why can’t life just be simple? Darlin', I hate to tell you but she didn't leave and THEN 'go on to date.' She was already involved with someone when she suddenly decided she needed to leave you and that's why she left. As happens in a lot of cases, these affairs sometimes implode once you transition them from fantasy to reality. Either her affair partner was a disappointment to her, or SHE was a disappointment to him. And that's why she came back to you all sorry and regretful and OH so desirous of starting over. Because you're Plan B. I'd think twice before wasting another minute of your time on this woman - whether you have a kid with her or not. 2
Kelliousme Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 This can also be very simple. Things happen for a reason. You no longer love her, you've lost faith in her. I don't see any reasons why you should get back with her. Having a child together is not a good reason because I believe that staying in a loveless marriage and being around your kid does affect him/her in a negative way. You've met a new girl and you're starting to like her more and more It seems very clear to me.
smackie9 Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 Things can be simple...get a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings. Explain to your wife, you no longer love her or trust her, so there is no point in trying to patch things up. Set personal boundaries with her like only contacting you regarding the child....that's it, all the rest she can call your lawyer. As for the new person in your life, keep that private until all this is cleared up.
allofme Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 Please please please don’t stay with her in a loveless marriage. For the sake of your kids, please just call it a day. My dad is the typical emotional unavailable man and I grew up knowing what family love is but not romantic love. I never grew up knowing what a healthy romantic relationship should be like and since the age of 18 my dating life was just a disaster and I had grown to be more emotional unavailable like my dad. Please don’t do this for the sake of your kids.
chillii Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 (edited) Yeah l must admit , l wouldn't want that either for my kids but my hope would be the marriage and love could recover , well in some situations it does l've seen it and admired it. But yeah , your sitch , only you can know the full story. ps , allofme , there is no typical emotionally unavailable man everyone is different and that could well have been personal with things going on between your parents you could never know about. But whatever the case thing is your an adult now and you make the rules of who you are and who you wanna be now , blaming your parents is just a cop out from here. My parents had goods and bads like most too , mum and dad both.And there were rough times between them growing up in stints, separate rooms and all. But l'm the person and parent l wanna be and bad sides of my parents is what l didn't wanna be , so l wasn't. l took the goods with me added to things l believe and wanted to be and rejected the bads, your the boss. Edited February 8, 2019 by chillii
chillii Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 ps 2 , and give your dad a hug next time you see him eh.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 If you really really want to give reconciliation a try, I think you guys might ... might! ... benefit from marriage counseling. You have to find an excellent counselor and both of you will need to be open about creating the problems in your relationship ... even though she cheated. It's a tough call to think the love is gone and will never return ... It is possible (sometimes) for the love to return ... but the only way to get there is for you and her to go to a genuinely new and better and more loving relationship. Definitely don't hold your breath and live in misery for the kids. The kids, as others have said, will surely pick up the dysfunction and disconnection no matter how good a face you put on things. In fact, putting on a good face for the kids is in some ways worse than out-and-out conflict ... because the kids don't even notice the disconnect and can easily grow up wanting to repeat the relationship you have ... and having grown accustomed to such a relationship. Your wife sounds really open and humbled ... if she were ever going to make a change, this is the time ... but you have to set good boundaries ... and be open and honest ... I think you know within a year in marriage counseling if you two can construct a new and better relationship. The counseling would ideally allow you to voice all your hurt and anger ... and resentment and yet process that ... You may still decide you want out.
Author Lostmikey Posted February 9, 2019 Author Posted February 9, 2019 Thank you all for the comments. Each one of you basically represents a voice in my head so at least I know I'm not insane. The break up wasn't without warning. She did say she wasn't happy and wanted change for a while before breaking things off. We actually did start counselling after she came back and before I met this new girl but it stalled. It may be absurd and some think I'm naive but I do believe she is genuinely regretful. She did get involved with someone and I do completely believe that if it had worked out, she probably wouldn't have come back. But that bad experience (and others) seem to have made her appreciate what she had more than ever. My lack of faith isn't because I don't trust her now, whether or not that's a mistake. It's because I don't trust her in the future. Will she want change again in another 10 years? 20 years? The problem is that my son has absolutely no idea what's going on. A child's innocence is a beautiful thing. I want to preserve that. But my worst fear is that, like you said, I will never recover and he'll grow accustomed to me being distant and that being the norm for his view of a relationship. Or worse, me being resentful and always unhappy. But what if love comes back, she's faithful for life, and everything goes back the way it was?
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