Starstuff1992 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 I am a 26 year old female, he is 33. We met online, and he did say his ultimate intention was a relationship with someone. We’ve been on 3 dates so far. The first two we went out to dinner, talked for hours until the restaurants closed. On the second date he awkwardly hugged me goodbye and then texted me when I got home that he had a great time and owed me a better goodbye than that. The third date we went to a park and then went back to my house to watch a movie. He didn’t touch me the entire movie, which I thought was kind of weird but he did seem nervous and I was a bit nervous too so I guess I didn’t come across as very inviting. When the movie was over we started watching a TV show and he finally lay down and put his head on my lap and I rubbed his back. He then sat up and put his arm around me and we cuddled like that for awhile. When he was leaving, we both leaned in and started kissing. I don’t think either one of us really initiated it - it just happened. We made out for a while and he kissed my neck too, but neither one of us went further than that. We don’t really talk much when we’re not together. I noticed he’s not really a big texter. He works outdoors and then goes to the gym for a couple of hours after work. Sometimes he’ll take awhile to respond to my text. We can go a whole day without saying anything. He will check in the next day though if we haven’t spoken for a day. I’m okay with this because I don’t feel after 3 dates you should be so engrossed with someone that you need to be texting them every day. However, this is not something I’m used to. I’m used to guys practically wanting to have sex on the first date and bombarding me with good morning texts, heart emojis, etc. all the time. This lack of communication is so foreign to me. Like I said, it doesn’t really bother me, but it makes me wonder whether he’s actually into me or if he’s just bored and that’s why he’s going out with me. What’s your take? I’m really not sure if this is worth time/energy. I really like him, but does he feel the same? I don’t want to ask him and freak him out after three dates. Thanks in advance!
smackie9 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 He sounds interested but he's just one of those guys that dates like a sloth. Me I see it as a compatibility issue. You are used to being treated a certain way, and he's not full filling it right? I would have gotten bored and dumped him by now myself because I like solid interaction, and never had the patience for nervous nellies. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated....you shouldn't have to fix, change or guide them in how they treat you. This is his personality, the way he is. Don't like it, then move on.
Kelliousme Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 So the main problem is you're not sure whether or not he's interested right? Perhaps he's just not a good texter. Also, if he texts you and checks up on you after one day of no contact, I'd say he's most likely interested. I wouldn't put this guy in the waste bin so fast for reasons like these. On the other hand.. guys who bombard you with good mornings/heart emojis and immediately want sex on the first date.. would be a going straight to the waste bin for me :lmao: HUGE red flags if you're looking for a decent relationship. Sometimes it's nice to take things slow. If this guy seems genuine, nice, and caring.. he might be an amazing guy. Give it some time
PRW Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 He seems like a decent guy but he lacks confidence and experience. Unfortunately many guys in their 30's have the dating skills of a 16yo. They are "scared of the girl". As long as you don't mind allowing him the time it takes for him to gain confidence and "catch up" then go for it. But, if he tries to lays with his head on your lap again, give him a head slap and tell him that if anyone is laying anyone's head in anyone's lap it is going to be you laying in his lap. You are not his mommy. Don't let him make you his "mommy". This is one big problem with guys like this. You will just have to be on guard for it and keep nipping it in the bud when it pops up. Hopefully he will get past this after a while. You are probably going to have to push him to be masculine and to lead. I don't know his history, but this comes from growing up with single mothers where the guy spent his whole life growing up "pleasing mom", so when he gets a girlfriend she becomes the new mom. They can be broken out of that pattern but it may take time.
PRW Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 BTW - Excellent that you don't get wrapped up in the texting,...so don't. Keep the dates a little shorter. You both want to go home "wanting more",...you don't want to go home bored and "tired of each other for the day". You aren't BF/GF after just 3 dates. If people take is slow and steady, don't get needy, that takes around the second month (7-8 weeks) on average.
olivetree Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 It's been three dates. What's the rush? You've had good convo and now even cuddled and kissed. At least there has been some progression. He may not be like the other guys you've dated and that could be a good thing because they didn't work out. I think a slow burn is better, personally. I say give it time to evolve naturally. 1
BC1980 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 He sounds like a good guy. He's not looking to hook up. He's taking things at an appropriate pace. I don't text a lot either. Texting is a terrible way to carry on a relationship in the nascent phases. It gives you a false sense of intimacy with someone.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 don't start naming the kids after only three dates. he sounds like a decent guy who is shy but interested. don't throw this one away 2
kendahke Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 What’s your take? I’m really not sure if this is worth time/energy. I really like him, but does he feel the same? I don’t want to ask him and freak him out after three dates. Thanks in advance! Then don't ask him out and don't freak him out after 3 dates unless you want to launch him. Develop a way to self-soothe and wait for this to blossom in its own time. Step out of your own way, take up a position to observe and say nothing for now. It's too soon for you to say anything--especially if there has been no talk about taking things further, what you both are looking for in this involvement and if you both even like each other enough to continue. Live in the now--don't live in the future. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 It's not a waste. It's just a slower pace then you are used to. That may be good since the fast & the furious hasn't worked 1
greymatter Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 I don't know his history, but this comes from growing up with single mothers where the guy spent his whole life growing up "pleasing mom", so when he gets a girlfriend she becomes the new mom. They can be broken out of that pattern but it may take time. Are the male flaws you refer to also attributable to divorced mothers, or only single mothers? I guess single fathers are off the hook. It's good to know that a single female (who is hopefully not a future single mother) can re-train them.
preraph Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 I think he is a little nervous. He probably didn't know, since it was the third date, whether to go in for the kill or take things at a more organic pace and he wisely did the latter. I think he sounds nice. He's NOT just trying to have sex with you. If you are just trying to have sex with him, he's not that kind of guy and won't be impressed by that. I like his pace. Be a little more touchy on the couch or wherever next time to show you are open to being touched, but don't wild out on him. There's plenty of time for you to initiate after you've been together awhile. For now, see what he'll do if just given mild encouragement. I think after the next date, I'd cook dinner for him the next one. I bet he would love that.
Author Starstuff1992 Posted February 8, 2019 Author Posted February 8, 2019 I think he is a little nervous. He probably didn't know, since it was the third date, whether to go in for the kill or take things at a more organic pace and he wisely did the latter. I think he sounds nice. He's NOT just trying to have sex with you. If you are just trying to have sex with him, he's not that kind of guy and won't be impressed by that. I like his pace. Be a little more touchy on the couch or wherever next time to show you are open to being touched, but don't wild out on him. There's plenty of time for you to initiate after you've been together awhile. For now, see what he'll do if just given mild encouragement. I think after the next date, I'd cook dinner for him the next one. I bet he would love that. Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I’m definitely not just trying to have sex with him (even though I am very attracted to him lol.) I like him a lot, and I feel like we have a lot of the same interests and values so I am definitely interested in seeing if it could be a meaningful relationship. So yeah, I definitely appreciated him moving slow and not trying to have sex on the third date. I tried to set up a date for this weekend but he said he is busy. So I’m not sure if that’s his way of saying he’s not interested anymore, or if he really is busy. I guess time will tell
mortensorchid Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 So far this sounds alright to me. Go with things slowly and see where it leads to.
TheFinalWord Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 To me, I think he is approaching this in a healthy way. I'm guilty myself of moving too fast in the past. I don't see a problem with slowly incorporating someone into your life. It's a better way to go about things because you're building something not just all based on sexual chemistry.
Mrs._December Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 I tried to set up a date for this weekend but he said he is busy. So I’m not sure if that’s his way of saying he’s not interested anymore, or if he really is busy. I guess time will tell So....did he offer an alternative time or date to get together when he would be available? If he didn't, that doesn't sound very good.
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