Suggestion: if you can, get a friend to assist

February 10, 2019

And you also date only who you want to date ZA. You've got quite a list list of the women who you're not interested in.

Now this is not a criticism - just a statement of fact. You need to do what you want to do and there's no sense settling for something which doesn't bring you joy. Just remember that your own strict parameters are contributing to the issue.

Exactly this so I and others like me must force ourselves to be attracted to people we are not attracted to? I am not interested in large ladies or ladies not from my cultural background as I do not find them attractive.

So friends inevitably extoll the virtues of people they themselves would never date so it's a pointless exercise.

February 10, 2019

I think it’s a bit lazy for people to just say “go get help, talk to a professional, talk to friends”. Because people are here to ask for your opinion and advice or even just some emotional support because they don’t have anyone else to go to or they have tried before and not found it useful. I also think that it helps a lot to ask posters some questions to find out missing pieces of info, before jumping to advice. Get a feel for where their head is out, what they’ve already tried, what they need. We aren’t professionals but we are a community and have covered a lot of the same ground and can hopefully help each other navigate things.

February 10, 2019

"Concentrate on improving your life" is about improving yourself because that is all that you DO have control over and the idea that if you can truly be master of your own domain (and continually singing the 'can't get laid blues' shows you do not have mastery of your own domain yet) then you will radiate happiness and will care less what women think of you because you have your own life that takes precedence. That is insanely attractive to women- they desire guys who can take or leave them and the chance to have sex with them. Working on having a fulfilling life outside of your desire to have sex is the best percentage play you have to be the kind of person other women want to date and it has the pay off that if it doesn't lead to endless sex you should have enough going on in your life that you don't care and aren't posting on loveshack obsessing about it.

All I can really say to this is that I have and continue to build a successful life. I've got top grades, I'm highly sought after / employable, I have a solid social circle, I've got a multitude of talents and interests, I'm financially stable. I've dealt with mental health issues stemming from abuse as a child and from an ex partner. Only thing missing is a love / sex life. I know people living on the streets with nothing that have more of a romantic life than I do.

I'll be back here in thirty years time when I'm still inexperienced, single etc, to say "I told you so".

I think it’s a bit lazy for people to just say “go get help, talk to a professional, talk to friends”. Because people are here to ask for your opinion and advice or even just some emotional support because they don’t have anyone else to go to or they have tried before and not found it useful. I also think that it helps a lot to ask posters some questions to find out missing pieces of info, before jumping to advice. Get a feel for where their head is out, what they’ve already tried, what they need. We aren’t professionals but we are a community and have covered a lot of the same ground and can hopefully help each other navigate things.

The most empathetic and understanding post in this thread.

Unfortunately if you were to ask anyone else, apparently those of us struggling are seeking attention.

Sad that trying to seek help has got me banned from one forum for "trolling", and shunned by the LS community for allegedly failing to listen.

Edited February 10, 2019 by LightWave93

February 11, 2019

I run a property company, my days are full of thing, I do the odd merger corporate finance deal, I mix with many very successful people, by you accounts I would have the life but I don't

It is very common for a man to be an "Alpha Killer" on the job, and yet be helpless in the realm of women and relationships. The whole Alpha, Omega, Beta thing is very situational and contextual. You are confident on the job but not confident in the other stuff. Confidence is the concrete foundation that everything sits on, and you don't just wake up with confidence one morning. It comes from practice and education. People spends decades and massive amounts of money on "education" to get a job that they may not even like after or stay at, but when it comes to a relationship that they want to possibly last a lifetime they think they can just "wing it" with a few handy dandy "tips".

As a regular here, you are exposed daily to what many of us tell other people and try to teach them. If you continue to fail in this area it may be because you are rejecting or resisting the truth that would save you. Or maybe you believe the truth but just fail to properly implement it and practice it.

I practice what I preach here and I have been in situations (even recently) where I have to implement things that I tell others and ,yes, I find it a struggle. I sit there thinking, "Wow!, if it is this hard even with what I know and accept about these things, then if I didn't know what I know and have practiced what I practice, I wouldn't stand a friggin' chance". It isn't about knowing the perfect PUA line and how to comb your hair properly,...it has to become a life style, you have to make it part of you.

Edited February 11, 2019 by PRW

February 11, 2019

I don’t believe I have chimed in your epic thread. But I did go over some of your posts there. One thing striked me was your self identifying as having many female friends. Girls probably think of you as one of them. But I’m not sure how to fix that, tbh, if you feel more comfortable hanging with female friends.

All I can really say to this is that I have and continue to build a successful life. I've got top grades, I'm highly sought after / employable, I have a solid social circle, I've got a multitude of talents and interests, I'm financially stable. I've dealt with mental health issues stemming from abuse as a child and from an ex partner. Only thing missing is a love / sex life. I know people living on the streets with nothing that have more of a romantic life than I do.

I'll be back here in thirty years time when I'm still inexperienced, single etc, to say "I told you so".

The most empathetic and understanding post in this thread.

Unfortunately if you were to ask anyone else, apparently those of us struggling are seeking attention.

Sad that trying to seek help has got me banned from one forum for "trolling", and shunned by the LS community for allegedly failing to listen.

February 11, 2019

I don’t believe I have chimed in your epic thread. But I did go over some of your posts there. One thing striked me was your self identifying as having many female friends. Girls probably think of you as one of them. But I’m not sure how to fix that, tbh, if you feel more comfortable hanging with female friends.

You're right on that theory. so I'll "ditto" this.

The solution is to learn how to be friends with more men and spend time around men. It is also good to choose masculine men friends who are better with women as to be able to learn from them. Maybe what makes them good with women will rub off. I used to be that guy with a lot of female "buddies". Yes, they will start to see the guy as just "one of the girls". They won't see him as a sexually alluring attractive masculine man that is "one of the guys".

February 11, 2019

I don’t believe I have chimed in your epic thread. But I did go over some of your posts there. One thing striked me was your self identifying as having many female friends. Girls probably think of you as one of them. But I’m not sure how to fix that, tbh, if you feel more comfortable hanging with female friends.

And as I reiterated on more than one occasion, I was mistaken in my previous assumption and it turns out I have an equal number of male and female friends. That, and I don't wish to date / have sex with my female friends, thus I don't care if they don't see me as a sexual candidate. But alas, both those points have seemingly been ignored. Multiple times.

This thread isn't about me anyway, albeit the OP and respondents clearly had myself and a few others in mind (and it's testament to their character when they lack the integrity and try to find a round-about way of talking about others). All I can really add, as I have done many times before, is that I have taken on every single piece of feedback ever offered to me on this forum, other forums etc, and it has not worked.

I will continue to live a good life; to be kind, empathetic, charitable. I will inspire a future generation of children as a teacher. I will live an adult life of independence, sacrifice, stability. I will explore the world, pursue new interests, reach new intellectual highs...

...but romance and sex? I've thrown in the towel.

February 11, 2019

And as I reiterated on more than one occasion, I was mistaken in my previous assumption and it turns out I have an equal number of male and female friends. That, and I don't wish to date / have sex with my female friends, thus I don't care if they don't see me as a sexual candidate. But alas, both those points have seemingly been ignored. Multiple times.

This thread isn't about me anyway, albeit the OP and respondents clearly had myself and a few others in mind (and it's testament to their character when they lack the integrity and try to find a round-about way of talking about others). All I can really add, as I have done many times before, is that I have taken on every single piece of feedback ever offered to me on this forum, other forums etc, and it has not worked.

I will continue to live a good life; to be kind, empathetic, charitable. I will inspire a future generation of children as a teacher. I will live an adult life of independence, sacrifice, stability. I will explore the world, pursue new interests, reach new intellectual highs...

...but romance and sex? I've thrown in the towel.

I think it’s your being so comfortable hanging out with females as friends that is one of the core issues. Those who are good at dating and good with attracting women wouldn’t want to hang out with females as friends. And the women also wouldn’t hang around as friends without developing attraction and feelings. In other words, you and your actions are giving off the vibe that you’re like one of the girls. It’s really a huge number to have 50% female friends. Only my gay friends can compete with that number.

Edited February 11, 2019 by JuneL

February 11, 2019

But alas, both those points have seemingly been ignored. Multiple times.

You're getting hung up on little details that you think someone didn't "get",...and miss the big picture of what people are trying to say.

I have taken on every single piece of feedback ever offered to me on this forum, other forums etc, and it has not worked.

There is no way you could have possibly done that. If you did it would have changed who you are.

February 11, 2019

The reason I said I wasn’t sure how to fix your issue was that if that’s your core personality, then changing that may feel like changing you who you are fundamentally.

Unlike PRW, I do think there’re women who would pick a beta guy. But I don’t think online dating or picking up women in the bar will get your any positive results. The best bet for a guy like you would be from a medium in which you already have known the girl for a while.

I agree with PRW that you seem to get hung up on very petty things and fail to look at the big picture. Again, if this is who you are, please focus on looking for girls who don’t mind a beta guy.

February 11, 2019

I think it’s your being so comfortable hanging out with females as friends that is one of the core issues. Those who are good at dating and good with attracting women wouldn’t want to hang out with females as friends. And the women also wouldn’t hang around as friends without developing attraction and feelings. In other words, you and your actions are giving off the vibe that you’re like one of the girls. It’s really a huge number to have 50% female friends. Only my gay friends can compete with that number.

Dead on, Junie....

TFY

February 11, 2019

All these labels and crap guys all over the net these days are effg ridiculous and not only but very one sided , where's all the women labels.

Dunno why too like l must have pointed out 20 times when l can be bothered , why people just don't even realize "reality" themselves do people walk the streets or life with their eyes closed.

Just go sit in a mall or street and watch 1000s of couples.

What people think the only ones coupled up are all some carbon copy, all sheep following some one special formula all over the internet.

There's every combo and personality and people , tall short fat slim shy not,,, every possible combo and personality you could think of and then some, all there. That's the real world.

But nah , one thing l can agree on , is so many females as friends , def' not a good look.

ln my younger day though l always liked knowing groups of females , more to choose from. And you never knew who might just turn up with that hot new friend you haven't met yet. l use to pop up , scan the group nope, no good, buy. Funny really , how come he left again.Or hmm , he's stackin around tonight.

Edited February 11, 2019 by chillii

February 11, 2019

The female friends have already been discussed as being a big problem before, but he refuses to see it as an issue.

Horses and water come to mind...

February 11, 2019

I think it’s your being so comfortable hanging out with females as friends that is one of the core issues. Those who are good at dating and good with attracting women wouldn’t want to hang out with females as friends. And the women also wouldn’t hang around as friends without developing attraction and feelings. In other words, you and your actions are giving off the vibe that you’re like one of the girls. It’s really a huge number to have 50% female friends. Only my gay friends can compete with that number.

Perhaps I'm not close-minded and don't judge my social standing on the gender of the company I keep, choosing to spend my time with quality individuals as opposed to selecting people based on certain criteria. Perhaps some of the activities I do (read: Salsa, Volunteering) put me in contact with more women than they do men, and thus it's a product of circumstance as to why I have so many female friends. Perhaps the reason why they don't wish to date me or view me as a sexual being is because they are comfortable in their long-term relationships, and are subsequently comfortable with me because I have values which restrain me from "making a move". Perhaps I don't have a sexual / romantic interest in those friends.

Perhaps I don't click with certain types of men. Perhaps the type of activities I do that are male-centric (Computer Science, Gaming, Hiking) attract a more intellectual, emotionally-mature, introverted crowd as opposed to the loud, exaggerated type. Perhaps I once did have the "player" type of friend, but cut off contact with them for a variety of reasons...but including the viewing of women as sex objects, the abuse of women etc.

Finally, not to mention that the one woman I did meet with recently said I came across as very confident, self-assured, and that it was attractive I had a good number of female friends.

Clearly you have your opinion, but it doesn't reflect reality, and lumping my issue into such a baseless conclusion as "it's because you have female friends" is absurd.

There is no way you could have possibly done that. If you did it would have changed who you are.

Once again I'm being (indirectly) accused of lying. I honest, truthfully, hand-on-heart have taken everything on board and implemented. If you don't wish to believe that, then that's your decision.

Unlike PRW, I do think there’re women who would pick a beta guy.

Oh jeez. Are you part of RedPill, MGTOW or something? Human beings, including men, encompasses a whole range of personality types and it's a ridiculous notion to shift someone into one of two categories, not to mention studies show there is no such thing as an "Alpha Male" as far as humans are concerned.

But then, if we were to ride with your train of thought, then I'd be leading more towards being an Alpha than Beta. Sure, I don't go to a pub, act boisterous and talk about sport...but I am a leader, I'm assertive when I need to be, I have a strong sense of self, I appear masculine, I have strong body language. Oh, and I'd never...ever...ever data a single mother. Therefore, not a beta (provider).

I agree with PRW that you seem to get hung up on very petty things and fail...

Pot. Kettle. Black.

The female friends have already been discussed as being a big problem before, but he refuses to see it as an issue.
Horses and water come to mind...

BRB, going to tell all my female friends because people on the internet said it was a bad thing.

Also, the horse realized that the water was dirty and opted to find a cleaner source.

February 11, 2019

“...lumping my issue into such a baseless conclusion as "it's because you have female friends" is absurd.”

You don’t seem to get our point: Having so many female friends is one consequence of your personality and your vibe, both of which are the core causes of your dating life (or lack thereof).

February 11, 2019

“...lumping my issue into such a baseless conclusion as "it's because you have female friends" is absurd.”

You don’t seem to get our point: Having so many female friends is one consequence of your personality and your vibe, both of which are the core causes of your dating life (or lack thereof).

Female friends.who I am not romantically / sexually attracted to, or vice versa, or they have long-term partners.

It's not a difficult concept to grasp. Men and women can be friends.

February 12, 2019

Female friends.who I am not romantically / sexually attracted to, or vice versa, or they have long-term partners.

It's not a difficult concept to grasp. Men and women can be friends.

We’re just making and sharing an obvious observation. It’s up to you to take it or not, obviously.

February 12, 2019

I walk into a place and I see a guy sitting with a bunch of females in a social setting I am opt to think he is there for the same reason they are.... hoping some guy will come along and pick up on them. Ugh... I am not going any where near that guy... or the creepy guy sitting alone in the corner checking everyone out. I'm going to be trying to get eye contact with the group of guys that just came in the door.

February 12, 2019

Female friends.who I am not romantically / sexually attracted to, or vice versa, or they have long-term partners.

It's not a difficult concept to grasp. Men and women can be friends.

That's fine, but I think what others are saying is that so long as your company in social situations continues to be predominantly women, you shouldn't expect other women to cold approach you.

February 12, 2019

Agree 100%. Most male friends I've had at uni were gays. And the ones who were not, I would only hang out with them sometimes. I don't think I'd get near a guy who kept hanging out with a bunch of female friends as I just wouldn't get what the deal was.

I think it’s your being so comfortable hanging out with females as friends that is one of the core issues. Those who are good at dating and good with attracting women wouldn’t want to hang out with females as friends. And the women also wouldn’t hang around as friends without developing attraction and feelings. In other words, you and your actions are giving off the vibe that you’re like one of the girls. It’s really a huge number to have 50% female friends. Only my gay friends can compete with that number.

February 12, 2019

This thread isn't about me anyway, albeit the OP and respondents clearly had myself and a few others in mind (and it's testament to their character when they lack the integrity and try to find a round-about way of talking about others). All I can really add, as I have done many times before, is that I have taken on every single piece of feedback ever offered to me on this forum, other forums etc, and it has not worked.

You haven't, though. You discount any suggestions or advice you don't agree with. It's happening again right now in this thread. People say "It might be X" and you say "Oh no, it's definitely not X."

At any rate, a week ago you were drowning in women in Tinder, went on a few dates, and slept with one of them, so I'm not really sure what you are complaining about or why you would give up now.

February 12, 2019

You're right on that theory. so I'll "ditto" this.

The solution is to learn how to be friends with more men and spend time around men. It is also good to choose masculine men friends who are better with women as to be able to learn from them. Maybe what makes them good with women will rub off. I used to be that guy with a lot of female "buddies". Yes, they will start to see the guy as just "one of the girls". They won't see him as a sexually alluring attractive masculine man that is "one of the guys".

Why did you have lots of female buddies then? Did you just feel more comfortable hanging out with them and have less in common with guys?

February 12, 2019

We’re just making and sharing an obvious observation. It’s up to you to take it or not, obviously.

I don't think I'd get near a guy who kept hanging out with a bunch of female friends as I just wouldn't get what the deal was.

Cool. Except I've done my research and few people are as judgement as you both. This question is asked to death on forums such as Reddit, and the overwhelming majority don't consider this an issue. In fact, it's seen as a positive. One of the girls I met recently also said as much.

One example. I could find many.

I walk into a place and I see a guy sitting with a bunch of females in a social setting...

That's fine, but I think what others are saying is that so long as your company in social situations continues to be predominantly women, you shouldn't expect other women to cold approach you.

Except, on more than one occasion, I have stated I have a near-enough balance between man and female friends, that I hang out with groups of exclusively one gender or another, or a mixed bag. In fact, the last few nights I've had have been predominately with guys.

You haven't, though. You discount any suggestions or advice you don't agree with. It's happening again right now in this thread. People say "It might be X" and you say "Oh no, it's definitely not X."

I "discount" any advice which isn't viable or hasn't proven to have worked. That...is...it. Every other suggestion, from gym to working on my career to dance to being more social to joining more clubs to hiring coaches to seeing therapists and every other thing has been tried, tested, and not brought me one step closer.

Stop shoving the blame on me because your advice hasn't worked. It's petty.

At any rate, a week ago you were drowning in women in Tinder, went on a few dates, and slept with one of them, so I'm not really sure what you are complaining about or why you would give up now.

Whoopdedoo. One fluke, that is all. I've since completely come off dating sites as no one else was talking / conversations were dying / no new matches.

You don’t seem to get our point: Having so many female friends is one consequence of your personality and your vibe, both of which are the core causes of your dating life (or lack thereof).

Or it's a consequence of activities, the type of people I enjoy associating with, and not being close-minded as to judge my social circle on their gender. Plus I don't wish to have sex with the women I consider friends, and whom are in long-term relationships.

How this is not getting through to you, I will never know.

https://i.imgur.com/6LlqCea.png

February 12, 2019

Sorry I have to repeat myself, because you have refused to read what I wrote. Your feeling so comfortable with hanging out with females as friends often is the consequence of your own traits and your personality and the general vibe you’re giving off. From that, I can deduce that these traits and personality and vibe are going to negatively impact your dating life, especially with online dating and meeting women in a bar or at a party. In other words, there is the common denominator between having so many female friends and doing poorly in dating. But this conversation gets tiring. Perhaps you can ask your female friends to set you up with an attractive woman they know, and they’ll be more blunt to you.

Edited February 12, 2019 by JuneL

February 12, 2019

Why did you have lots of female buddies then? Did you just feel more comfortable hanging out with them and have less in common with guys?

I think the response to this can shed light to the issue at hand.

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