Meeting a girl overseas and not sure about her attraction level

[getbettertoday]

Hey everyone,

 

First off, thank you for anyone who reads this and gives back any advice. Being a brand new member of the forum, I appreciate the response despite how new I am to the scene here.

 

I met a girl off Tinder last year. We both swiped right on each other.

 

She lives overseas (me in Chicago and her in New Zealand). We've been in communication since June of last year. We chat with voice messages on WhatsApp and trade snaps on SnapChat. At one point we were communicating on a frequent basis.

 

She decided to stay out in Indonesia for a few months. When I heard she was doing this I decided to join her out there. I also have interests in staying in Philippines (told her this) for a bit so it all made sense to go out and make a vaca to meet.

 

I'll be completely new to Indonesia and she is very familiar with Indonesia at this point. So... she's more or less hosting me.

 

I'm not too sure what to make of this girl's attraction towards me??

 

Obviously, we met on Tinder so I assume there's some interest there from her from a looks standpoint. My fear is that maybe she's grown to see me as mostly a friend?

 

I main goal is to get a take on:

 

1. Do you think she’s into me attraction wise?

 

2. Should I make sure to advance on her early on when we meet in Indonesia?

 

Context:

 

She has sent me snaps (pics and videos) of her in underwear. Nothing too overtly sexual. Some were more sexual than others but mostly I felt it was her showing herself off. Not sure if these were sent to me just for attention? When I complimented her on her looks in these videos/pics (calling her sexy and gorgeous), she wouldn't say thanks or even address me being attracted to them. I wouldn’t go nuts with my compliments… would just say things like “you’re looking real sexy and that Snap made my night.” She even sent a sexy video (nothing to crazy just posing in undies) a week or two after knowing I was coming to see her (makes me think… she would not send that unless she was really OK with sexually drawing attraction and knowing I'm visiting). This is what has me a bit confused and thinking maybe she just does it for attention? She also hasn't come out and say outright that I'm attractive or handsome yet. Did say a haircut looked great on me once.

 

She created a playlist for both her and I. We both added music to it... If that helps anything.

 

She says that she has held off on doing certain activities ("things tourists would do" she says) with others she has befriended out in Indonesia till I visit. She said she literally turned down offers to participate in activities because she wanted to do them with me. This was a plus obviously. She told me this recently. Also, when I told her I was officially coming to visit her she was extremely happy and said she was going to yell but her friend was sleeping near her. Since then she has said multiple times that she is excited about me coming down to visit and hopes that I’m as excited as she is.

 

She’s shared long talks about things not working out with a guy she was dating (funny thing is he was also from the USA... she travels a lot and was in another country at the time). I also shared long talks about some girl I was dating and how it didn’t work out. I fear that her opening up to me about another guy she was dating kinda points to friendzone stuff?? Then again, I also shared stuff about my dating life... maybe not as much as her though.

 

What's your opinion on her behavior?? I know this might not be enough for you to come to any conclusion but thought I'd ask anyway. I hope I haven’t been too passive and caused any friendzone feelings in the process.

 

Can you think of anything I should be doing (or not do) to help gain her attraction leading up to us spending time together overseas? The trip is about 15 days away. I try not to send her too many messages or snaps. I usually just reply when she sends me something. I figured this will keep things fresh and not make me appear needy.

 

Also, is there anything I should do immediately upon seeing her in person to convey my sexual attraction to her early on and not have things fall into the friendly zone?? Don't want to be too forceful or come off as

 

Communication has been pretty light lately. Haven’t heard from her in a week or so… Saw on Insta she’s doing some traveling on a VISA run. Maybe that is causing the delay in communication… She could also be stopping communication so things don’t get too awkward leading up to the meeting in person.

 

Thanks!

Edited February 7, 2019 by getbettertoday

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I try not to send her too many messages or snaps. I usually just reply when she sends me something. I figured this will keep things fresh and not make me appear needy.

 

Why? Why? Why?

 

You need to initiate some messages to her!!!!

[getbettertoday]

Why? Why? Why?

 

You need to initiate some messages to her!!!!

 

Thanks for the feedback!

 

I suppose I didn't want to come across as too needy or clingy since we never met in person, but I definitely agree that I should be sending her more than what I have been.

 

Also, I don't want to make anything awkward since the trip is about 13 days away now. Actually.... I'll see her in about 19 days from now as the first half of the trip I'll be in a different country.

 

Tomorrow morning I'll definitely send her something for sure though! It's about time

[BaileyB]

I think you are overthinking this...

 

First, this is a woman that you have communicated with but never met in person. That means, you don’t really know each other or and you don’t have an actual real-life relationship. Online interactions tend to create a false sense of “knowing someone...” But, relationships are actually built, in person. Try not to forget that and get too far ahead of yourself....

 

Second, what do you do when you meet to be sure that she doesnt friendzone you and she knows you are attracted to her? My suggestion, when you get off the plane and you are meeting for the first time - just spend some time and get to know her. Get too physical too fast and that would be a real turn off for many women. You will know when it’s right, if it’s right.

 

And finally, maybe she is not communicating because you are “playing it cool” and waiting for her to come to you... Why men think they should do this, I will never understand. Women like men who show their interest and are consistent. Don’t message her or run hot-cold and you will find, her messages will drop off because she thinks YOU are not into HER. Send her a message and let her know that you are looking forward to seeing her!

 

That said, I hope you have a good trip! I hope this is what you want it to be, because it’s a pretty big risk. Good luck.

[snowboy91]

She's sending pics and videos of her in her underwear, you're complimenting her on it, she's holding off on doing touristy things until you arrive... and you're worried about how attracted she is to you? A platonic friend doesn't do any of those things. I usually look for signs either way, but this just looks clear cut to me. She's into you.

 

Can you think of anything I should be doing (or not do) to help gain her attraction leading up to us spending time together overseas? The trip is about 15 days away. I try not to send her too many messages or snaps. I usually just reply when she sends me something. I figured this will keep things fresh and not make me appear needy.

 

 

The attraction is there, keep the momentum going! If you're not sending a lot of messages or snaps, I'll bet she'll be sitting there wondering about YOUR attraction level. Message her, send snaps etc but if you want to avoid being needy don't blow up her phone with a hundred messages before she can respond.

 

Long distance meetings like this always carry a risk - best way to go forward is to hope for the best, but also think of ways to enjoy your time in Indonesia without her if it all goes south. That way you have a great time no matter what.

[Mrs._December]

Meh. Until you get there and see this person, you have NO IDEA who you've actually been talking with.

 

Especially since it's ONLY been Snaps and voice.

 

Oh man.

[clia]

Well, she at least thinks she's attracted to you....over the phone and video. When you meet in person that may or may not be the case. You may not even be attracted to her when you meet her in person. That's the risk you take with these online "relationships."

 

You should definitely have a "plan B" in mind for this 15 day overseas trip, to the extent that you don't like each other. I assume you have your own place to stay and aren't just relying on her for accommodations and to take you around and stuff?

[LonelyITGuy]

Dude, you're being catfished and in for a world of hurt. Cut off all contact immediately and find someone in your area. This has every bad sign, yet you're ignoring them all.

[Artdeco]

It’s a vacation, so enjoy it! What an exciting trip!

 

Don’t overthink it, bc you can be sure that she’s having the same exact thoughts that you’re having right now. Plus, chill out – you will know nothing before you are actually with her and spending time with her. Nothing about physical attraction, and nothing about shared interests, and nothing about communication style......nada. You will find out about these factors as soon as you’re with her, I guarantee you that - and until then, just look forward to your trip.

[smackie9]

Most guys would have told her they couldn't wait to get there so they can smash.....

[olivetree]

I thought Tinder was about meeting ppl close-by.

Seems a bit weird you were both open to meeting others so far away.

 

Have you ever had live video-calls or voice calls?

Not just pre-recorded stuff?

 

Anyway, I don't think you should plan your moves in advance and make sure you do x by y time.

You may be into each other in person, you may not.

You've dated women before so I'm sure you have some sense of reading women and the vibe between you two?

[LonelyITGuy]

I thought Tinder was about meeting ppl close-by.

Seems a bit weird you were both open to meeting others so far away.

 

Have you ever had live video-calls or voice calls?

Not just pre-recorded stuff?

 

Which is why he should already know he's being catfished in a big, big way.

[kendahke]

I try not to send her too many messages or snaps. I usually just reply when she sends me something. I figured this will keep things fresh and not make me appear needy.

 

The message this is sending her is that you're really not all that interested--you'll phone it in when you want to arse yourself. It doesn't keep anything fresh except delusion.

 

Anything that is neglected will die.

 

As for her behavior:

Make sure you have a hotel reservation for the entire time you are there. This is a classic catfish situation in that you've never laid eyes on her in the flesh. For all you now, you're talking with some dude at an internet scamming cafe in Ghana who's stolen pictures from someone else and fabricated a whole identity to rob unsuspecting men. If she asks for an iTunes card, then you know it's a scammer.

Edited February 7, 2019 by kendahke

[PRW]

She is attracted enough to a Tinder Profile and an image on a computer screen (or whatever you were using),...to meet the actual human behind those images,...in an airport in Indonesia. Within the first few minutes she will feel whatever way she feels because there is no way you will, in person, match the illusion she has created in her mind. It will either be a plus or it will be a minus. There is no way to know.

 

I think the whole thing (big picture) is on shaky ground. You both have spent the last 7 months creating an electronic fantasy of each other, and fantasies are almost always better then the reality. Sorry to be a downer but I suspect in a month or two you will be posting messages here wondering why she won't respond to your texts and ask us to interpret some of the strange things she is saying that you can't figure out what it means.

 

Dating the woman a mile down the street works out a lot better.

[PRW]

I suppose I didn't want to come across as too needy or clingy

You are flying half way around the planet to see her (not an exaggeration). Guy's get called needy for walking from one side of the room to the other side of the room at a bar to talk to a chick.

[PRW]

She’s shared long talks about things not working out with a guy she was dating (funny thing is he was also from the USA...

Hopefully he made it back to the US without Interpol having to find the body.

 

If a big guy from Nigeria with a scar on his face meets you are the airport,...it is probably her. Run.

[getbettertoday]

Thank you everyone for the feedback!

 

I sent her a WhatsApp message and she replied back practically immediately. She was very happy to hear from me. Also, she sent another sexy Snap of her a few days later. So yea…. I agree with everyone who said there’s attraction there.

 

Again, thanks for helping me sort things out and giving the great advice to make contact. I will be following up with her as I get closer to leaving for the Phillipines. I’ll especially be keeping in communication while I’m out in the Phillipines before going to Indonesia.

 

I also agree with those who said I’m overthinking things. Definitely am! I’ll try to calm down about everything… Truthfully, like some has said on the thread, meeting in person will decide attraction levels even more for the both of us.

 

As for those saying to be worried about catfish, I appreciate the concern. I’m definitely meeting with the girl that Snaps me and has an Instagram (makes Instagram posts fairly frequently). She has sent me snaps where she’s talking totally facing the camera like any normal person would. Her face and voice matches with everything 100%. So, there’s no concern over catfish here unless…… her twin is catfishing me of course