He won't take it further because I am a conservative person

February 7, 2019

Am I a conservative person? Yes I am. Because I learned the hard way that if you are flamboyant you get chewed out and beaten up by others. You don't believe me? Try it yourself. But I digress on the how and why I became a conservative person. This guy was either looking for an excuse not to talk to me anymore, or he was basing this on my profile information. I had someone shut it down because I sent him a photo of me wearing a winter coat in it telling me I must not be comfortable with my body. That's foolish - there have been times people have showed up to internet dates where one party lied about their photos completely - they actually weigh a lot more than they said they do - or they were catfishing (a man pretending to be a woman). How did he know that I wasn't false advertising in that area?

You are underestimating people's ability to read through the lines--his to your profile and many of us through your postings here. You can try to "hide" in some ways who you are but a lot of times people pick up on a gut feeling or an instinct. Also if you are not being your authentic self it usually is less attractive to someone.

He just discovered that you guys are not a match in his eyes and had the courtesy to tell you, which if he didn't then you would find him rude and classless for disappearing---which i don't find that different from you never saying thanks or responding to any of the responses people give you on your threads:(

Sure could he have removed the last line of his message to sound less like he has a chip on his shoulder--of course. Same as you blocking him unnecessarily. Both sound like people who are a bit bitter and jaded about the dating process, maybe more in life.

I guess you could keep coming on here searching for sympathy. I don't think it serves you to always let you think you are in the right when very often you are not. Better now than later that you discovered he is not for you and vice versa. And if you are conversative why would you be interested in someone who feels strongly enough on the other side? Different values which is totally understandable and a legit reason not to want to date someone.

February 7, 2019

Sounds to me like case of righteous indignation that the guy denied you the right to choose. Women are used to having the upper hand in the online realm, with guys sticking like molasses until she gives him the thumbs up or down. When the tables are turned it runs contrary to the belief that it's always her choice.

I had this happen a few months ago. She had initially cancelled a first meeting we had scheduled. She changed her mind and came back around. After the meet and greet I simply wasn't feeling it, but she wanted to know when we were going out again. I told her politely that I wasn't interested. She was taken aback –– said that was the first time anyone had ever told her they weren't interested when she was willing to take if further. Rejection sucks, but it sucks worse for women apparently.

Edited February 7, 2019 by salparadise

February 7, 2019

Sounds to me like case of righteous indignation that the guy denied you the right to choose.

I have to concur. In a recent thread, the OP found an incompatibility in a man's profile and chose not to continue things with him. This was the right thing to do. In this thread, the man found an incompatibility in the OP's profile and he chose to discontinue things with her. OP, you should ask yourself why it's "acceptable" when you do it but not "acceptable" when someone does it to you? These things happen during the evaluation phase and it's better that it happens early.

February 7, 2019

can you put a nice pic of you in your LS profile? I have one in mine that was taken a couple yrs ago

February 7, 2019

Culturally or politically opposite poles? We didn't even know each others' last names. And no I do not have pictures of me in a bikini or cleavage photos as others have suggested. But still, it's bad. Probably for the best this didn't pan out.

I didn't ask about what you were wearing, I asked if you consider yourself conservative. Politically or otherwise. Other posters seemed to chime in regarding your track history. I asked, because while you say that there is nothing in your profile that would indicate that - I am willing to bet there are things on your profile that you do not even realize "say something" to other people.

As your original question seemed to be along the lines of "what happened" - I am going to guess he reviewed your profile, and got the inclination that you are politically conservative, and that is not compatible with his world views. So he ended it right then.

In the end, you get one vote every four years (major election) / two years (minor election). After you vote, they do what they want anyway and never keep their campaign promises, so why get upset about party affiliation.

Personally I think political leanings affect daily life and world view a lot more than an occasional trip to the ballot box. I would have no interest in being in a relationship with someone who's views on how the way the world should work are fundamentally different than my own.

Compatibility is important to many people. Same views on religion, money, and yes politics.

It’s not about one vote.

Political leanings translate how you see the world, yourself, people around you, society, those who are less fortunate than you, life and whatnot.

Exactly.

February 7, 2019

How is not being “flamboyant” (whatever it means in this case?) helping you?

Can you go half way? Be a little conservative when it makes sense and a little flamboyant, vivacious and going with the flow as well? By your posts, you seem like a really guarded person. Not sure that’s a great thing in dating. I say it as someone that has the opposite problem (too open) so I could also use trying more balance.

Am I a conservative person? Yes I am. Because I learned the hard way that if you are flamboyant you get chewed out and beaten up by others. You don't believe me? Try it yourself.

February 7, 2019

Ev.er.y.one has a right to their preferences and something in your profile told him that you aren't his--and clearly he isn't yours. Yeah, he could have kept it to himself, but he didn't ghost or vaporize on you, leaving you wondering then complaining yet again about why yet another guy has gone "poof" on you.

As I see it, no harm, no foul here. Neither of you were at the point of owing the other their expectations.

Because I learned the hard way that if you are flamboyant you get chewed out and beaten up by others. You don't believe me?

Well, what were you doing? Dancing a la commando on the bar?

There is a difference between vivacious exuberance and just acting like a public fool and embarrassing yourself.

Edited February 7, 2019 by kendahke

February 7, 2019

Am I a conservative person? Yes I am. /QUOTE]

Define conservative.

Please .

February 7, 2019

Am I a conservative person? Yes I am. Because I learned the hard way that if you are flamboyant you get chewed out and beaten up by others. You don't believe me? Try it yourself.

If by flamboyant, you mean: entertaining, fun company, always up to some type of new adventure? Some of the most socially successful people I know are flamboyant.

February 7, 2019

Culturally or politically opposite poles? We didn't even know each others' last names. And no I do not have pictures of me in a bikini or cleavage photos as others have suggested. But still, it's bad. Probably for the best this didn't pan out.

It is pretty easy to spot political bent. I never find it hard to do at all. If I saw your profile I could tell you pretty quick what caught his attention.

February 8, 2019

Here are the exact words he used to clear up any confusion:

Well, I read the rest of your profile and decided we are totally incompatible. I'm not joking and I'm not trying to be a jerk. ANd I don't want to just ghost because that's rude as well. I don't date conservatives. It has been nice meeting you and I wish you luck. Now, you can lash out at me like other conservative women have at this point in the conversation but I'm much prefer you wish me luck as well and we go our separate ways.

And to answer some other questions like what it's like to be flamboyant vs. conservative (in a non-political way) - When you tell others about how much fun you are having and what you do with your weekends and interests and whatnot, people tend to get jealous of you. I keep to myself most of the time with others. I double checked my profile information and in no place did I mention my political opinions in any way. But whatever the case may be, good riddance.

February 8, 2019

It sounds like he was being sincere, and took the time to send you what is a relatively nice message. He didn't abruptly disappear and leave you wondering. If it were me on the receiving end, I would have wished him well/good luck and thanked him for being so candid.

February 8, 2019

He wrote a really polite message IMHO. If only everyone was so truthful and cared not to ghost and provide feedback. I LOVE knowing why someone I found interesting is not into me, it helps me situate myself. I hate not knowing. I would have written a good luck message back (good energy doesn’t hurt) and use the opportunity to ask if he sensed you were conservative in politics OR personality so you know what vibe you’re giving off. Even situations that are not that pleasant can teach us something.

I can sense pretty accurately when someone is politically conservative just reading between the lines even when they don’t say it directly. I think he did you a favor. And he got it right, didn’t he? So why the disappointment? I bet you wouldn’t really want to date a left leaning person?

I’m not sure why living your life would make people on OLD jealous?

Edited February 8, 2019 by edgygirl

February 8, 2019

OP, if I am remembering correctly, you like to dress very casually....is this correct? I vaguely remember you saying something about jeans and Chucks or something like that.....is this you?

Maybe he prefers women who wear hose and get all dolled up?

February 8, 2019

It sounds like he was being sincere, and took the time to send you what is a relatively nice message. He didn't abruptly disappear and leave you wondering. If it were me on the receiving end, I would have wished him well/good luck and thanked him for being so candid.

I guess it depends on who contacted who first... if he hit her first then he was classless and rude..

If she hit him up first then he was just being forward and a bit of a butthead but at least he was telling the truth about what he was looking for.

February 8, 2019

Here are the exact words he used to clear up any confusion:

Well, I read the rest of your profile and decided we are totally incompatible. I'm not joking and I'm not trying to be a jerk. ANd I don't want to just ghost because that's rude as well. I don't date conservatives. It has been nice meeting you and I wish you luck. Now, you can lash out at me like other conservative women have at this point in the conversation but I'm much prefer you wish me luck as well and we go our separate ways.

And to answer some other questions like what it's like to be flamboyant vs. conservative (in a non-political way) - When you tell others about how much fun you are having and what you do with your weekends and interests and whatnot, people tend to get jealous of you. I keep to myself most of the time with others. I double checked my profile information and in no place did I mention my political opinions in any way. But whatever the case may be, good riddance.

This bolded ^^^ is off. I think you are greatly misreading things. I highly doubt people are jealous of what you do for your weekends etc. Definitely not in a conservative vs liberal way--that really has nothing to do with one another. Someone with the opposite ideology as you is not really going to be envious of how you spend your weekends (those wouldn't be the factors they consider anyway). Additionally someone who is looking to date online is hoping he/she will find what they are looking for; very doubtful that they go on there to be envious of other, or even that it happens incidentally.

I still think it was very likely that he was talking about being a conservative/rigid person in general not to do with politics specifically (though that may come into play as well). If anything, as you told him more about yourself in your profile or in talking to him, he just plain isn't interested. Why are you so miffed?

February 8, 2019

Well this is a new one. I was chatting with this guy on a dating website this evening. Just "Hi how are you" type stuff and the basics (What do you do? What's your favorite food? etc.). And then quite suddenly, he shut it down. He wrote in his next message to me "I'm sorry but I have gone over your profile and you seem to be a very conservative person and I am not going to take this any further. Go ahead an cut me to shreds like all conservative women do."

I'm not sure what he meant by that. As in right wing conservative or conservative like a modest person? My profile doesn't have too much information about me on it wordwise, because I don't think people really read the words they just look at pictures. Maybe that's what he meant. I certainly didn't put on my profile that I am a right or left wing person, after giving it another glance I am sure of that. I don't even know if it's an option to do so.

But, unlike most conservative women, I simply blocked him and walked away. Talk about ignorant and having no class.

Favourite food?

Online dating is about trying to market and sell ourselves: People whom are looking for serious relationships read profiles, and they try to screen through said profiles in order to find good matches.

But that’s just the first step.

The second phase - chatting - is about to see if you have some commonalities, such as humour for example, which brings me back to favourite food..? That doesn’t not sound like a very interesting conversation...

February 8, 2019

I have always felt with online dating that its best to deal with red flags and complete differences in values and or lifestyles as early as possible so as not to waste each others time, emotions and energy.you being conservative bothered him and at least he was honest

i feel its worse to continue communication with someone and be dishonest to achieve maybe a nefarious goal......he did right by you..imo...he wasnt rude...until he made the sarcastic comment about cutting him down ...maybe he has been cut down a lot though...and expects it now....which is sort of sad.....deb...

February 8, 2019

Well this is a new one. I was chatting with this guy on a dating website this evening. Just "Hi how are you" type stuff and the basics (What do you do? What's your favorite food? etc.). And then quite suddenly, he shut it down. He wrote in his next message to me "I'm sorry but I have gone over your profile and you seem to be a very conservative person and I am not going to take this any further. Go ahead an cut me to shreds like all conservative women do."

I'm not sure what he meant by that. As in right wing conservative or conservative like a modest person? My profile doesn't have too much information about me on it wordwise, because I don't think people really read the words they just look at pictures. Maybe that's what he meant. I certainly didn't put on my profile that I am a right or left wing person, after giving it another glance I am sure of that. I don't even know if it's an option to do so.

But, unlike most conservative women, I simply blocked him and walked away. Talk about ignorant and having no class.

LOL...he's just a delicate little snowflake. You're well rid of him.

February 8, 2019

Your political views are pretty obvious to many of us here (or at least to me), even though I don't think I've ever read a post of yours that was explicitly political. It could be just as obvious on your profile too.

It is fine to consider political beliefs dealbreakers. Beyond any specific political support, it comes down to philosophical differences in how you view the world and how you solve problems. If you have fundamental disagreements with someone about what matters in life, you're going to have a very hard time seeing eye to eye in a relationship.

February 8, 2019

LOL...he's just a delicate little snowflake. You're well rid of him.

........

February 8, 2019

LOL...he's just a delicate little snowflake. You're well rid of him.

very much so.

Too bad so many people aren't that politically sharp with definitions. "Conservative" really isn't even a Left -vs- Right thing. Conservative is mostly about "conserving" (hence the name) the Judaeo/Christian values that western society was built on since the fall of Rome. So it is a debate about morals.

The actual Left -vs- Right depends on where you are in the world. In the US it is Socialism/Communism (big government) -vs- Free Market/Capitalism (small government). But if you are in Europe it is Globalist Socialism (big government) -vs- Nationalist Socialism (big government). So from a US perspective everything in Europe is on the Left,...the Right (US definition) doesn't exist.

So all that to say that this guy just knows that the two of them are not going to have the same perspective on morality. Which he is right. But his message has at odd mix of politeness and taking diggs.

February 8, 2019

By “snowflake” do you guys mean liberals and progressives? Meh. Name calling, really? The guy was quite the gentleman given the circumstances. That some of you cannot see that is fascinating.

Also, I’m Jewish PWR, and there is no such thing as Judeo-Christian values... who the heck came up with that concept is beyond me. Judaism is so different than Christianity in so many ways.

Yes the guy saw they were not a match and MO should be thankful he did, as he was right.

February 8, 2019

By “snowflake” do you guys mean liberals and progressives?

I think they originally called themselves that. It is used to describe liberal college students of the Social Justice Warrior category who get offended at the drop of a hat and were known for protesting Free Speech at UCLA Berkeley

Also, I’m Jewish PWR, and there is no such thing as Judeo-Christian values... who the heck came up with that concept is beyond me. Judaism is so different than Christianity in so many ways.

I didn't invent the term. It has been around as long as modern english. Christianity came out of Judaism, Jesus was a Jewish Rabi. The two have the same moral values because they derive the values from the same place. The term is reflecting back mostly to Old Testament Judaism. 1st Century Christians met in Jewish synagogues and still considered themselves to be Jews (it all began in Jerusalem). It wasn't until the Christian message moved out to the Gentiles and persecution from the Jews drove them out of the synagogues. They were never called "Christians" until someone coined the term in the city of Antioch

February 8, 2019

MO I was rejected once from a guy that I had insane chemistry with because I wrote in my profile that "I don't enjoy talking about politics". Needless to say, I was deeply upset (we went out several times), and he took a while to tell me the truth.... But it's for the best. Now enjoying a close relationship with his .. male roommate, they are very liberal / liberated

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He won't take it further because I am a conservative person

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