Neo81 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Could really use some advice on this one. Naturally I know what I should be doing about this but there's some complications so I'll try to point out exactly what the concern here is... 3 months ago I started a relationship with a woman who I was friends with for about 6 months prior. Not like real close friends but we would see each other out, had the same friends, and did talk to each other here and there. Shortly before we started dating, we started sleeping with each other. After a few weeks, she didn't want it to be just that and wanted a relationship. I was hesitant because I wasn't sure I was completely into this woman. She passionately told me how strongly she feels towards me and I began to realize that maybe I should take a chance with this woman. Previously my dating success has been less than stellar. I give it a couple months and things are great. We are having fun together, went on a trip together with her kids. The kids adore me by this point and I'm really getting attached to them as well. A few weeks ago, she tells me she's not completely over her ex who is sitting in prison (he has a heroin problem). We had some talks and everything ever since that point started going south quickly. There wasn't much intimacy, she's getting aggravated at me for every little thing, etc. In fact, for the past few weeks I was treated like garbage. After telling me initially how toxic her relationship with her ex was, now she's saying she doesn't know if she'll go back to him when he gets out of prison! Like seriously? I'm not going to overly promote myself here but I am a good guy! I have a solid career, currently in school for my Masters, have nice things, treat her like a queen, amazing with her kids, and I feel like none of that is good enough. Since we were such good friends to begin with, she wants to just remain friends while she sorts herself out (I agree, she needs to sort herself out). I feel like our relationship never stood a solid chance because she wasn't 100% emotionally available to me. I'm obviously interested in a relationship, not friendship. We have all the same friends, I'm in good with her family, etc. I hear that once you hit that "friendzone" it's almost impossible to come out. Do I entertain the idea of being friends? Obviously I want more. I could say that I'm not interested in friends and want to be more and to call me if she ever changes her mind and cut it off but we live in a small town where again, we have the same friends, etc.. I just don't know how I should handle this. And if it sounds like I'm an idiot for wanting to be with someone like this, feel free to say it. I tried to keep this as short but descriptive as possible.. I could probably write a damn novel but I'm struggling to figure out what to do here. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Do I entertain the idea of being friends? Only if you're actively shopping for pain. And if you do remain friends, the slo-mo trainwreck likely to occur when her BF returns to the scene will be even more confusing, with you stuck squarely in the middle. Time to start building some distance ... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted February 13, 2019 Share Posted February 13, 2019 Could really use some advice on this one. Naturally I know what I should be doing about this but there's some complications so I'll try to point out exactly what the concern here is... 3 months ago I started a relationship with a woman who I was friends with for about 6 months prior. Not like real close friends but we would see each other out, had the same friends, and did talk to each other here and there. Shortly before we started dating, we started sleeping with each other. After a few weeks, she didn't want it to be just that and wanted a relationship. I was hesitant because I wasn't sure I was completely into this woman. She passionately told me how strongly she feels towards me and I began to realize that maybe I should take a chance with this woman. Previously my dating success has been less than stellar. I give it a couple months and things are great. We are having fun together, went on a trip together with her kids. The kids adore me by this point and I'm really getting attached to them as well. A few weeks ago, she tells me she's not completely over her ex who is sitting in prison (he has a heroin problem). We had some talks and everything ever since that point started going south quickly. There wasn't much intimacy, she's getting aggravated at me for every little thing, etc. In fact, for the past few weeks I was treated like garbage. After telling me initially how toxic her relationship with her ex was, now she's saying she doesn't know if she'll go back to him when he gets out of prison! Like seriously? I'm not going to overly promote myself here but I am a good guy! I have a solid career, currently in school for my Masters, have nice things, treat her like a queen, amazing with her kids, and I feel like none of that is good enough. Since we were such good friends to begin with, she wants to just remain friends while she sorts herself out (I agree, she needs to sort herself out). I feel like our relationship never stood a solid chance because she wasn't 100% emotionally available to me. I'm obviously interested in a relationship, not friendship. We have all the same friends, I'm in good with her family, etc. I hear that once you hit that "friendzone" it's almost impossible to come out. Do I entertain the idea of being friends? Obviously I want more. I could say that I'm not interested in friends and want to be more and to call me if she ever changes her mind and cut it off but we live in a small town where again, we have the same friends, etc.. I just don't know how I should handle this. And if it sounds like I'm an idiot for wanting to be with someone like this, feel free to say it. I tried to keep this as short but descriptive as possible.. I could probably write a damn novel but I'm struggling to figure out what to do here. Sounds like the decision is already made, she isn't interested in a relationship with you. A woman who is interested doesn't tell you she's thinking of getting back with another man, that's a clue, If you don't want just to be friends, then make it known and hope for the best, However, it seems she just wants someone for comfort while she waits for ex, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
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