How do married people successfully keep friends they are attracted to?

[GoodOnPaper]

OP,

 

I can't decide if you simply objectify women or really would like friendship but struggle with feelings of attraction and the boundaries needed so you don't follow through with them. If it's the latter, I can totally relate to what you are going through but my gut reactions are the complete opposite of yours.

 

Like I mentioned in your other thread, for me friendship with women and romantic attraction run very close together on the same spectrum and this could be true for you, too. However, my singlehood experience was miserable. I had a very difficult time attracting anyone and whenever I felt some instant attraction to someone, she would outright reject me or, if we did date, she clearly felt less attracted than I did.

 

So now, I don't want to be around very attractive women - I'd just feel inferior. If I try to get to know them well, I'll just fall for them, which isn't appropriate anyway now that I'm married. With a woman that I don't think I'd be attracted to romantically - if I got to know her well, do I risk leading her on?

 

Because of this and out of respect for my marriage, boundaries are not difficult for me to abide by - I am fine with acquaintances and "couples friends". Just like some men are "naturals" at attracting women, I seem to have a knack for being comfortable living monogamously.

[CantGetEnuff]

It’s just a nice change of pace to have a nice chat with a cool woman sometimes. They can give different perspectives than guys and tend to talk about different stuff. Plus they are better at talking than guys are. It’s just fun. And they are half of the human race.

[JuneL]

JuneL,

 

Well I don't want to creep you out but again, I would bet a huge fat stack that many, if not the majority, of your straight male friends has had sexual thoughts about you. Do with that as you will!

 

I just think we are wired differently when it comes do that sorta thing. It doesn't have to be bad, and it doesn't mean that they don't respect you or value you as a human being. It just means they think about banging.

 

 

You reminded me of those guys who had a crush on me, including a couple of married ones

[vinnyfl]

For us it was easy. My wife is bi as you can see in my profile and our crush was the same girl who came to live with us when she divorced her ex. Long story short is that we formed a polyfidelitous triad that lasted most of our marriage sharing the same girl that we both had feelings for since our early teens.

 

Funny that I did not know that my wife knew my crush until after we were engaged because her BFF was away at college and I had been away for two years in the Army, plus we got engaged 3 weeks after we met. How lucky do you have to be to fall in love with a girl who loves the same girl you have loved for many years? Then again, I am one of those people where things always seem to go my way. My ex fiancé, also bi, cheated on me when I was in the Army in combat. Broke my heart but she became addicted to drugs, diagnosed as bi polar, cheated on her husband of 20 years with a woman she ended up marrying. As I said, things just seem to work out for me as did my little problem with the girl I had a crush on and still think about every day of my life. My wife and I both love her but could not imagine leaving each other for her as she is very high maintenance.