Author Ariesgirly Posted February 6, 2019 Author Posted February 6, 2019 Lotsgoingon- to be clear we do not "hole up" all weekend. We do everything from hiking, taking his dog to the beach or park, golfing, bowling, going to do things with each of our friends. We just tend to do all of that together on the weekends without leaving each other. We just booked a camping trip to the desert in a few weeks and bought tickets to a music festival in March so we do not sit around the house and be antisocial. I don't know if that makes a difference to your opinion
edgygirl Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 LOL. I know I’m awesome like that but I actually meant 3 months!!! 1-3 minutes? Who the heck are you dating Edgy! What are we going to do with you! Interesting. My past relationships were usually on the intense side. Maybe that’s why they don’t stand the test of time Wow, that's quick!! I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we haven't said I love you yet.
Lotsgoingon Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Sounds like fun ... but if you're anxious and worried about trust, I don't see this path as one that is likely to help you relax. And you're still spending huge, concentrated amounts of time together ... Just my experience ... those relationships just don't last ... you're seeing too much of each other too soon ... I don't mean that to be preachy. But there is a really intimacy unfolds over time ... Question: how many arguments have you had? ... What's his biggest weakness, the thing that will likely get on your nerves as time goes by? Are you sure you guys aren't just on some activity high? Here's the deal: I wouldn't want to spend all weekend every weekend with someone 2 months in ... Way too intense and exhausting ...
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 It takes at least 6 months to really know if someone is worth dating long term. You're making commitment seem all or nothing ... either you dive off the mountain ... or you stand aside. No, dating can be incremental. You share a little ... see how he reacts ... Share a bit more ... see how he reacts and if he shares ... At any point if things don't feel secure, you slow down, pause or stop ... get clarity ... and decide whether to proceed. And the general answer is heck no, guys don't fall this hard this fast for women ... and if they do ... that tendency has no correlation to how well the relationship turns out. I agree. OP I have had guys tell me they love me as early as 3 months and they were definitely not the one. I wouldnt believe a guys "I love you" unless you see atleast 6 months of consistent treating you right. and even then its a continual evaluation lmao. love is tested by consistency over time. many guys feel good about you and blurt it out because thats just how they feel at the time.
PRW Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 LOL. I know I’m awesome like that but I actually meant 3 months!!! I couldn't resist.
PRW Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Yup pretty much. I had a disagreement with my bf this weekend and he told me : « You know me, if I have something to say, I'll say it without sugar coating it, whether you like it or not. If I'm here, it's because I want to be here. Period ». But on the other end, sometimes he gets distant, and when I ask him, he'll tell me that he just feels like **** today and it's best for him to be alone instead of being bad company. Yea. When something bothers us our method is to go into the "man cave" alone and think about it, roll the issues around in our head. When we solve it we pop back out into the light. The last thing you want to try to force it to make a guy "talk about his feelings". All that does is short circuit the process and tick him off. Women tend to be the opposite. There is nothing wrong with that. You just have the let the genders be who they are. 1
SophieG Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Yea. When something bothers us our method is to go into the "man cave" alone and think about it, roll the issues around in our head. When we solve it we pop back out into the light. The last thing you want to try to force it to make a guy "talk about his feelings". All that does is short circuit the process and tick him off. Women tend to be the opposite. There is nothing wrong with that. You just have the let the genders be who they are. Yup, I learned that early on. I always tell him that I’m there for him if he needs anything. Sometimes he’ll call to talk about what’s bothering him, sometimes he’ll ask me to come over just to be with me (but I don’t initiate conversations about what he’s dealing with) and sometimes he’ll ask to be alone . 1
PRW Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Yup, I learned that early on. I always tell him that I’m there for him if he needs anything. Sometimes he’ll call to talk about what’s bothering him, sometimes he’ll ask me to come over just to be with me (but I don’t initiate conversations about what he’s dealing with) and sometimes he’ll ask to be alone .Is there any way we can replicate you and mass produce copies? I want one.
SophieG Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Is there any way we can replicate you and mass produce copies? I want one. We can always try... but those replicates will come with my flaws, and I have many ahah! 1
Lotsgoingon Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 (edited) And I'll add that I don't think the typical "male" strategy of withdrawing into silence ... is actually all that productive. I've tried to drop that one ... basically that strategy in my case ... usually leads to isolation ... leads me to doing all kinds of hard work that I could get help with from a partner ... and that strategy just bolsters the underlying flawed view that I need to be spectacular and feel wonderful all the time (and problem-free) in to be a partner. These days I try (and yes doing this takes some energy) to share what's bothering me early and soon ... and amazing, I get out of the funk so much more quickly ... I usually learn that my situation isn't as strange or bizarre as I think it is ... and I get good advice ... and help ... Isolating just ups my stress level ... right at the time I'm already feeling stressed. Connecting with others--as awkward as the first step may be--is a far superior strategy in my view. I remember times when I was seriously sick ... and I waved off gf's who wanted to help ... These days, I'm all about saying, yes, I'm sick. Come over here now. Bring me some hot chocolate with extra whipped cream ... stop by the liquor store and get some honey bourbon to mix in with some hot tea ... and come over here and tell me some stories about yourself. My view now is ... if I'm going to be there for them when they're stressed and feeling overwhelmed or sick, then daggone straight I'm gonna to cash in my credits and have them be there for me. Somehow I really enjoy hearing a partner's voice when I'm feeling off ... so I'll ask them to tell me about their favorite elementary school teacher ... a favorite activity when she was young. Just me. Edited February 7, 2019 by Lotsgoingon
alphamale Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Is there any way we can replicate you and mass produce copies? indeed....
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Lots women who care prefer it that way! I hated it when a guy wouldn't let me in and tell me what's wrong . I respect his space but it really sucked and just made me feel anxious and unhelpful. 1
Hopeful30 Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 Love is a choice STRONGLY disagree. If love were a choice, it wouldn't be painful to walk away from abusive or toxic family members. If love was a choice, affairs wouldn't exist, people wouldn't struggle to end relationships, or I wouldn't be single because I could just "choose" to love the next guy and be done with dating. Love is not a choice.
James5791BBB Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 Hi if you don’t mind me saying you need to change your attitude ( waiting for the ass to fall out of it ) because if that’s what you expect that’s what will happen and guys well I no I can sense that , why not take it every date at a time n build up realationship confidence voice your personal concerns n if he’s a keeper he will understand n help u through it
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 8, 2019 Posted February 8, 2019 STRONGLY disagree. If love were a choice, it wouldn't be painful to walk away from abusive or toxic family members. If love was a choice, affairs wouldn't exist, people wouldn't struggle to end relationships, or I wouldn't be single because I could just "choose" to love the next guy and be done with dating. Love is not a choice. The problem is that many people who say I love you don't know what love is. If they feel good towards a person they say I love you. When they don't feel it they say I have fallen out of love or I love you but I am not in love with you lol. They call their feelings love. Which I disagree.
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