SBM1111 Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 There’s a guy at work I fancy. I think he fancies me too. We work in a hospital and for a while he used to always tease me about blood sugars based on something that happened on the ward one day. Then he came to me one day I was alone and had a general conversation and told me he was only joking about that. I haven’t seen him as much lately due to the nature of the wars and his need to be on it but anytime I do see him he always nods his head to say hello or gives a small wave. The other day I was talking to someone in the corridor and he walked passed and made the smoking gesture with his fingers. We both smoke and I knew by him that’s where he was going, it was obvious I was heading outside too so am I right to assume he was indicating for me to go with him? He’s very alpha male, he keeps himself to himself doesn’t communicate with any of the nurses of my ward only when needed. Hence I am wondering could he potentially have any interest in me too? As I am tempted to ask him upfront to go for a cigarette with me at work as a way to get talking to him but don’t want to make a fool of myself.
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 Asking him to join you for a cigarette is hardly forward. Even if he says no, you certainly would not have made a fool of yourself. You probably want to let him come to you but you need to communicate that he's welcome to do so. Asking about the cigarette is an easy low pressure, low stress way to accomplish this. I just find it ironic that 2 health care professionals smoke.
Author SBM1111 Posted February 6, 2019 Author Posted February 6, 2019 Does it sound like he’s interested though?
ChatroomHero Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 You can ask here if he is interested and you'll still never know the answer, or you can ask him and get an answer. If I want to know the price of a steak, I ask the butcher. Taking a poll on what people think the price of steak will be because I am intimidated by the butcher is kind of a waste of time. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 Solely from what you wrote, I suppose. I'd need to see his body language to tell you for sure. You have nothing to lose (except maybe lung functioning) by asking him to join you for a smoke.
Tagalz Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 Hence I am wondering could he potentially have any interest in me too? As I am tempted to ask him upfront to go for a cigarette with me at work as a way to get talking to him but don’t want to make a fool of myself. Co-workers makes jokes all the time and it does not mean that he's interested in you. HOWEVER he might be interested in talking to you hence why he made that smoke gesture with he's finger. It's not about who's coming to who. You mentioned that you don't see him as often and the same goes for him. It's just the matter of getting to know each other. I would go out and take a smoke with him. While you do so enjoy the conversation! and if there is a lot of common interest then go and smoke with him more and who knows? maybe it's a date? hehe
Author SBM1111 Posted February 6, 2019 Author Posted February 6, 2019 Yes coworkers do make jokes all the time but this guy doesn’t. Another member of his team commented to me actually that he was ‘lusting’ after me as he doesn’t behave like that with other nurses. He asked me how u felt about it as he thought it was inappropriate and very very obvious. As I said in op he doesn’t engage with many people that often hence why I thought by the smoking gesture he wanted me to go with him to have a smoke together
PRW Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 The more "Alpha" he is the less critical he would be of you and allow you more wiggle room for mistakes. It is the insecure/needy's that wring their hands over every little thing they perceive you did or didn't do right,...they are the drama queens. Just put yourself in his orbit and be a little patient. (Ah, hospitals,...the "patient" jokes I could come up with). Yes, you can ask him to join you on a break. If he is interested he will initiate,...you just have to be near and be available. If you get into a few dates with him (3-4?) you can gradually start to initiate more yourself and it won't be a problem. Just let him begin the process, you just be near and available. 2
Gretchen12 Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 The more "Alpha" he is the less critical he would be of you and allow you more wiggle room for mistakes. It is the insecure/needy's that wring their hands over every little thing they perceive you did or didn't do right,...they are the drama queens. Ha! Well said. 1
Gretchen12 Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 First of all, I didn't know you guys in the med profession have blood sugar jokes. And then in your OP there's mention of "because of nature of the wars"? I suppose there's always a war going on in some parts of the world. And now dating. Is he hot or are you just interested because you think he's interested in you? The latter is built on shaky grounds. Sometimes we get curious about another human being. Don't shy away from making a friend. Don't fantasize about romance, just be open and friendly to the guy. If no romance, you might still have a smoking buddy.
stillafool Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 If he's really Alpha he will have no problem pursuing and asking you out.
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 listen men ask out women they really like or really want to get to know. if he not asking you out it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you at all. it does mean (in my opinion) that he doesnt like you enough or want to get to know you enough. like he could do without risking it if that makes sense. I personally think you should just focus on guys who pursue. if you put yourself in the position of the pursuer you (just like all men who pursue) will have to brave the risk of being turned down or finding out he has someone or whatever. I dont think women have to do that. you can. but you just dont have to.
ChatroomHero Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 listen men ask out women they really like or really want to get to know. if he not asking you out it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't like you at all. it does mean (in my opinion) that he doesnt like you enough or want to get to know you enough. like he could do without risking it if that makes sense. I personally think you should just focus on guys who pursue. if you put yourself in the position of the pursuer you (just like all men who pursue) will have to brave the risk of being turned down or finding out he has someone or whatever. I dont think women have to do that. you can. but you just dont have to. I don't agree with that. There is an element involved with work, if he is too forward or asks her out and she rejects him it is awkward at least or at worst gets accused of harassment. All it takes is for him to indicate interest as a guy and if she isn't interested, one small complaint could ruin his career. He's not some guy at a bar without consequences. At work it is not necessarily in the guys best interest to pursue very strongly. "if you put yourself in the position of the pursuer you (just like all men who pursue) will have to brave the risk of being turned down or finding out he has someone or whatever"...so your qualification is the fear of rejection is a lot to deal with so only a guy should deal with it? How about as an adult if you are interested in someone, you be an adult and indicate it rather than missing opportunities out of fear of rejection? You are basically saying since you fear rejection, automatically reject yourself and move on so you don't get rejected and damage your psyche. Now if your point was if you are too fragile to handle rejection, stick to guys that pursue I might agree with that. But if your point is that being a woman don't pursue because you might get rejected, I think that is a poor reason for anyone over the age of 18.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 I am tempted to ask him upfront to go for a cigarette with me at work as a way to get talking to him but don’t want to make a fool of myself. I'm a firm believer in not pooping where you eat, but if you are really interested in him, ask him to go for a cigarette--it's just a cigarette, not your wedding.
kendahke Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 Does it sound like he’s interested though? Not enough to ask you out on a proper date. Just enough to spend 3 1/2 minutes burning one down. Keep that in mind.
mortensorchid Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Asking someone to join you for a smoke break is hardly being forward, but I warn you as I warn all others out there on this forum and otherwise: Coworkers are not friends. It's easy to think that coworkers are friends because you spend more time with them than you will anyone else. Humans are social creatures who crave companionship and we seek it from others. However, the workplaces of today, no matter what the setting is or is not, is not welcoming of friendships as we have been accustomed to. NEVER attempt to have your social, companionship or sexual needs met by others in the workplace. Have a network of friends and interests outside of work, and speak very little of them. I say this for your own good.
Curiousroxy86 Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Now if your point was if you are too fragile to handle rejection, stick to guys that pursue I might agree with that. But if your point is that being a woman don't pursue because you might get rejected, I think that is a poor reason for anyone over the age of 18. if women want to start pursuing men they certainly can do it. they just need to have the stomach of the real possibility of rejection. that is just the nature of the pursuer regardless of gender. thats always a possibility. I dont think woman are as use to that possibility as men are because men are normally the ones who put themselves in the position to pursue. I also believe women dont really have to pursue. they most certainly can do it. but they dont have to. if a guy likes them a guy will let you know. they dont have to sit around and guess if a crush is also crushing on them back. and go up to ask him out because she thinks he is just being too shy. even shy guys will muster the courage to ask out a girl they LIKE ENOUGH especially if its a girl they have regular consistent access to. I can concede to the work factor though
Cersei Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 2 pieces of advice from me: 1. Don't date coworkers 2. Don't smoke Neither is a good idea in the long run.
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