Idkanymorr Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 Hello everyone! I need some advice on what decision I should take. I'm in a LDR and we already met a few times and now she will be visiting me this weekend.. But she told me that she would like to visit her ex at the end of our meeting and talk with him before she goes back (note: her ex is my best friend in real life and he basically lives next to me). To give more context why she insist - she was with my best friend 2 years ago and she fell madly in love with him. She thought that it would be a long lasting relationship but eventually got disappointed. They never met in real life, the day before the meeting he told her that he doesn't want to meet and if I remember it right a week later broke up with her. Well it was not really a breakup, he gave her hope that they would return to each other eventually but it didn't happen and he started to date other girls. She told me that if she will talk with him then she can finally close this chapter of her past and focus on the relationship she has right now with me. I don't say that she treats me bad, in fact I'm really happy and I would consider it a healthy relationship but the only thing that bothers me is that the love life of my best friend has this huge effect on my girlfriend. And now I'm not sure what to do.. Personally - No, I don't want her to talk with him. Why - I'm scared? Not that she will fall for him again but knowing how much he can effect her mood etc... It could end badly, she could feel really bad after the conversation and do something stupid because at the end of the day she blames herself that the whole relationship didn't work out. I would love to believe that a conversation with her ex would help her let it go once and for all but I highly doubt it will work out like she thinks. Maybe I just overthink and I should allow her?.. Ah I forgot, obviously we would go together to his place. She told me that she wants me to be close by.
Highndry Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 ...I'm in a LDR and we already met a few times and now she will be visiting me this weekend.. But she told me that she would like to visit her ex at the end of our meeting and talk with him before she goes back (note: her ex is my best friend in real life and he basically lives next to me). To give more context why she insist - she was with my best friend 2 years ago and she fell madly in love with him. She thought that it would be a long lasting relationship but eventually got disappointed. They never met in real life, the day before the meeting he told her that he doesn't want to meet and if I remember it right a week later broke up with her. Well it was not really a breakup, he gave her hope that they would return to each other eventually but it didn't happen and he started to date other girls.... I mean....what? It's her "ex," but "they never met in real life?" This whole situation reads as really weird, like it's a bunch of fake nonsense. You can't have an "ex" if you've never even met the person. 1
ShadeOfGreen Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 I agree with the previous poster in the sense that viewing someone as an "ex" when you never met them in person is just strange. I personally would never consider two years without ever meeting someone to be a relationship. Sounds like she's really hung up on seeing if there's anything there face-to-face. Add on to the fact the you and her are LDR, and this whole thing just seems not worth it. It's so much better when you are talking someone in the same area code, and it takes little effort to meetup.
PegNosePete Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 I forgot, obviously we would go together to his place. She told me that she wants me to be close by. "Close by" does not mean you will go together there. Did she specifically say she wanted to meet him together with you? Because to me, "close by" means you stay next door and can come to save her if she texts you, but you're not present in the same room. She told me that if she will talk with him then she can finally close this chapter of her past and focus on the relationship she has right now with me. Baloney. She does not need to meet him to close anything. She can very well close that chapter in her life without meeting him, in fact that chapter should have been closed long ago. He is your best friend so if you are going to be with her long term then they will presumably meet at some point. But that meeting should not be for her to close a chapter, it should be a normal "meet the friend" meeting. Not her going off privately with him for some discussions about their "relationship". I think it's really weird that she wants to meet him privately, and I would very much be wondering what her real motivations are. Because the reasons she's given, make no sense. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 How the heck did 2 neighbors who are best friends end up falling for the same girl & having an LDR? Did you know who she was when you started up with her? To her he is the one who got away. She will not get closure from this. You & her are not going to live happily ever after. She will always be longing for him. 1
Author Idkanymorr Posted February 7, 2019 Author Posted February 7, 2019 "Close by" does not mean you will go together there. Did she specifically say she wanted to meet him together with you? Because to me, "close by" means you stay next door and can come to save her if she texts you, but you're not present in the same room. Yes she specifically said that we should go together and visit him. Baloney. She does not need to meet him to close anything. She can very well close that chapter in her life without meeting him, in fact that chapter should have been closed long ago. That's what I tell her every time when her mood changes because of him. And she knows it that it's bad for her and for our relationship.. As I said, it's better than it was at the begin of our relationship but the problem is still there. He is your best friend so if you are going to be with her long term then they will presumably meet at some point. But that meeting should not be for her to close a chapter, it should be a normal "meet the friend" meeting. Not her going off privately with him for some discussions about their "relationship". Yes that's exactly what I thought, sooner or later they will meet.
Mrs._December Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 Hello everyone! I need some advice on what decision I should take. I'm in a LDR and we already met a few times and now she will be visiting me this weekend.. But she told me that she would like to visit her ex at the end of our meeting and talk with him before she goes back (note: her ex is my best friend in real life and he basically lives next to me). To give more context why she insist - she was with my best friend 2 years ago and she fell madly in love with him. She thought that it would be a long lasting relationship but eventually got disappointed. They never met in real life, the day before the meeting he told her that he doesn't want to meet and if I remember it right a week later broke up with her. Well it was not really a breakup, he gave her hope that they would return to each other eventually but it didn't happen and he started to date other girls. She told me that if she will talk with him then she can finally close this chapter of her past and focus on the relationship she has right now with me. I don't say that she treats me bad, in fact I'm really happy and I would consider it a healthy relationship but the only thing that bothers me is that the love life of my best friend has this huge effect on my girlfriend. And now I'm not sure what to do.. Personally - No, I don't want her to talk with him. Why - I'm scared? Not that she will fall for him again but knowing how much he can effect her mood etc... It could end badly, she could feel really bad after the conversation and do something stupid because at the end of the day she blames herself that the whole relationship didn't work out. I would love to believe that a conversation with her ex would help her let it go once and for all but I highly doubt it will work out like she thinks. Maybe I just overthink and I should allow her?.. Ah I forgot, obviously we would go together to his place. She told me that she wants me to be close by. You folks seriously need to stop living your lives on the computer and go out into the REAL world. Your buddy isn't her 'ex' because they never even met. At best. they're ex 'pen pals.' Tell her she can text him from your living room. 1
Highndry Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 You folks seriously need to stop living your lives on the computer and go out into the REAL world. Your buddy isn't her 'ex' because they never even met. At best. they're ex 'pen pals.' Tell her she can text him from your living room. + a million. This whole "social media" crap isn't real. Relationships formed and lived via computer have no basis in reality - they are fictitious in that it is two unknown parties presenting themselves in a light they want to be seen in. It's called "Fakebook" for a reason. I don't have it so I don't have any access, but I wonder how many people are posting the fact that they're overweight, depressed, broke and don't have any friends? My guess is very few.
kendahke Posted February 7, 2019 Posted February 7, 2019 They had nothing that requires her to get closure on anything. It sounds more to me like she's wondering if she can inspire interest in him one last time before she settles for you. To me, for someone to tell me they need to talk to my friend to "get closure" (and I'd have been suspicious of her even getting in my face knowing how she felt about my boy and if she's just using me to get next to him/make him jealous/ blah blah), that tells me that she's holding out hope that he will come around. IMO, she's using you to get next to your boy. Like I said, there is nothing to get closure from with someone you've never eve met in real life. Whatever she thought they had only existed in her head--no where else. Tread really, really carefully with her. She's not emotionally done with your boy. If you hear her say "I'm confused", it's because she's renting emotional space in her intimacy out to him behind your back. 1
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