Flamingochicken Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Hi Folks, I hope this is not gonna be a long post, but it's something that's been bothering me for a while that I just can't shake cause there are so many variables that makes it hard to take a conclusion from this as no behaviour solely points in one direction. I met a guy about 2,5 months ago and what we had was solely on a sexual basis, which for me is fine, as I am really busy. The only thing I 'demand' is communication and mutual respect (As in being upfront about the things that you want from him/her and if no longer interested bringing that up) We were fine. I think besides the sex we had a good connection on a friendly bases. No awkward silences, aligned personalities and a lot of laughter. He'd reply in a comprehensive matter to whatever I said, flirted a little and gave compliments. People said that they thought he was into me He himself admitted that I was very attractive and fun. I never get too hung up on people, so I kept the conversation at bay. I much prefer meeting up in real life. When I was really drunk at his work place (it's bar!) he had send me a message that he was worried about me and that he felt really bad he couldn't check in (as he was working) but hoped I was alright. At one point, I asked him out too smoke weed. He declined because he insinuated that 'I was in love with him'. I was a bit shook because we had a good connection and it was a very casual question nor did I ever gave him any signs I wanted to be more then a casual sexual relationship (c.q I wasn't proactive concerning online communication at all) At one point he contacted me saying I left my skirt at his place, which I forgot. I didn't want to pick it up and because I have many of the same, I told him to throw it away. He never did, but brought it into his work (I am a regular visitor) That night I drank a bit too much and discovered that and that he had deleted me off Facebook and Snapchat. It made me a bit angry and I discussed this with a friend who took it upon herself to discuss his behaviour through Facebook. He was clearly drunk as well and replied with something that no one can really figure out. The next morning I took the fall myself, because no one really believes if I said that 'it wasn't me, although it wasn't. I had send out a long apology out of my name. No reply. Fast forward a few weeks later (December) I got a gift from him with chocolates, beer and other small things. It said: 'With love, from Paul' (fictitious name) I gave him some funny presents back in the line of drunken nights we had. He laughed at it and liked it. Said I was an funny insane girl. 2 weeks after that I met him really drunk in a bar wandering off with my wallet that I gave him in order to buy himself a drink, he wasn't trying to steal it - he forgot he had it on himself. To make it short: we kissed and I had to bring him home - as he wasn't capable himself. I slept at his place - but nothing happend, we were just our usual selves. He lost his phone this night and I was able to retrieve it. He also apologised for his drunk behaviour. Few days later he had send me sexual graphic message, but I declined it. He ignored me declining it. Nothing bad happened between those things. No fights, no nothing. Yet, now when I go into the bar he doesn't even take my drink order. He just looks at me. Last week I got annoyed and just started talking to him. He replied in the same manner he used to. I just don't get why he can't talk to me anymore, barely is able to look me in the eye and if he does he looks away. He seems majorly awkward around me. There's no room for me to ask him, I just want to know why. It's all sorts of misleading behaviour.. The very much interest in the beginning, the yes, the no's, the presents, the kissing, the attempts of contact, the ignoring, the weirdness/awkward behaviour. The only thing I could think of that he founds the things that happened between us to be awkward and therefore can't talk to me or he does like me, but because I declined his sexual message, he got insecure. I am a very talkative, straightforward woman with a direct approach which might come across as intimidating, but I've always been that from the beginning, and that didn't scare him then. What's the deal?
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) The bacon wrapped chicken tournedos are simply delish! https://www.flamingo.ca/en/product/tournedos-de-poitrine-de-poulet/ hmmmmm I just think things have ran it's course, and he wants to move on. Had fun while it lasted. Edited February 5, 2019 by smackie9 2
Author Flamingochicken Posted February 5, 2019 Author Posted February 5, 2019 The weird thing is is that things ended prior, but he 'rekindled' it by giving me gifts, kissing me - and then not looking at me - just a week after, that's what I am confused about
stillafool Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 It doesn't sound like anything was rekindled he just gave you some stuff. Maybe it was something that someone gave to him and he gave them to you. It seems you get drunk a lot and that is probably why he said he was worried about you. I don't understand something if you were only interested in sex with him and it's no longer happening why do you care? Also if the relationship was based on sex why would he have to do a lot of communicating with you?
Author Flamingochicken Posted February 5, 2019 Author Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) He said he bought it. There's no need for him to communicate a lot with me, as i said, that's why I never really spoke to him through social media (I don't use social media a lot) and it's my natural curiosity, I think a lot of people have that, when things suddenly change, with no apparent situation leading to that sudden change. It's like getting fired at your job with no reason at all. The thing that weirded me about was that there was a 3 weeks/1 month pause between the chat stopping and him giving me a bag of gifts. There was no communication between that time at all, I was not messaging him, he wasn't messaging me. I forgot about him, until he gave me that. I just thought it was a bit weird to give presents to a person you just had sex with a couple of times. Edited February 5, 2019 by Flamingochicken
Lotsgoingon Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 He got scared does not equal you scared him. There could be a hundred factors involved ... including that he met someone else he wants to sleep with ... or he was freaked out by your offer to smoke weed (yes, that's possible). But this is casual ... so chill ... and ... don't worry about "intimidating" people-l-whatever that means. Find guys who aren't intimidated. Bottom line: there's no lesson to be learned here ... other than casual sexual relationships are inherently unstable. 2
Normm Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 He saw you as nothing other than easy sex, therefore it was just as easy to cut you out of his life as if he never knew you. I dunno, I may be old fashioned at the ripe old age of 56 but when I read about a girl saying how she's totally good with no strings attached casual sex, who gets very drunk, and very stoned, very often, who says throw away my dress because I have more, I just can't take her all that seriously and I definitely wouldn't consider her to be relationship material. You said you want, or you demand respect. That's something you earn, it's not a god-given right. (I don't believe in god it's just how the expression goes). 2
Author Flamingochicken Posted February 5, 2019 Author Posted February 5, 2019 He saw you as nothing other than easy sex, therefore it was just as easy to cut you out of his life as if he never knew you. I dunno, I may be old fashioned at the ripe old age of 56 but when I read about a girl saying how she's totally good with no strings attached casual sex, who gets very drunk, and very stoned, very often, who says throw away my dress because I have more, I just can't take her all that seriously and I definitely wouldn't consider her to be relationship material. You said you want, or you demand respect. That's something you earn, it's not a god-given right. (I don't believe in god it's just how the expression goes). I don't agree with that perspective as you stated in the last sentence: ''Respect should by earned' I think there's a basic standard for how you treat people (which is of course culturally determined and so on) but I think there's an ethic guideline/moral compass that everybody has (Unless you're a psychopath, but that's not the case here) I don't see where you can read that I get drunk very often/very stoned, I said that I was drunk once and about the weed, I do that approx. 5 times a year (which is over the course of a year basically nothing) not a discussion point obviously, just to get it clear. I don't feel like this is a place where I have to defend myself but this guy knows I am a writer, own my own book an entrepeneur and that I hold several bachelors, so he knows I'm pretty smart and ambitious in all that matter and that I do not waste my time away by drinking -
edgygirl Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Any chance he gets insecure that you’re so educated while he’s a barman? I mean, he might be doing it as a side gig while studying of course. this guy knows I am a writer, own my own book an entrepeneur and that I hold several bachelors, so he knows I'm pretty smart and ambitious
Normm Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 I said that I was drunk once No, you made references to being drunk several times.
Author Flamingochicken Posted February 5, 2019 Author Posted February 5, 2019 Any chance he gets insecure that you’re so educated while he’s a barman? I mean, he might be doing it as a side gig while studying of course. That could be a possibility yeah. He doesn't strike me as the person though, but could be.
edgygirl Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Depending on where she lives getting drunk often is normal. When I visit the country I was born... oh boy these people know how to have fun. Friends on their 30-50s but still drink and socialize a lot. OP life sounded normal to me although I don’t live like that in my current country. Sadly No, you made references to being drunk several times.
chillii Posted February 6, 2019 Posted February 6, 2019 He saw you as nothing other than easy sex, therefore it was just as easy to cut you out of his life as if he never knew you. I dunno, I may be old fashioned at the ripe old age of 56 but when I read about a girl saying how she's totally good with no strings attached casual sex, who gets very drunk, and very stoned, very often, who says throw away my dress because I have more, I just can't take her all that seriously and I definitely wouldn't consider her to be relationship material. You said you want, or you demand respect. That's something you earn, it's not a god-given right. (I don't believe in god it's just how the expression goes). Yep , Thanks for sayin all that and saving me the trouble. Op he owes you nothin he just got in touch again and did some brown nosing because he was missing the side action
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