Is she using me?

[Monkeyguy8070]

Ok so I’ve been dating this girl for a year. She lives with her mother who has never worked a day in her life. Her mom uses guys for everything. Well my GF is currently in college and graduating next year. She says she never wants to

Use guys like her mom does and wants to buy her own house and won’t move in with me because she said then her family would say she’s like her mom and using me.

 

Well my GF told me that her mom wants her to stay with me because her mom knows I buy my GF lots of things and take care of her finically. I have no problem spending the money I do on her because I’m well off and it’s really just a small fraction of what I make. However, I hope she’s not just using me like her mom uses guys. And she’s just making up this stuff about how she doesn’t want to be like her mom.

 

The thing is, she never asks me to buy her anything and once in a while I’ll say no to something and she doesn’t get mad or anything. I’ve even asked her if I stopped buying you stuff would you still like me and be my GF and she says yes. Of course she could be lying.

 

My question is, how do I find out for sure that she’s not just using me? I’ve Googled ways to tell if a girl is using you and nothing she does fits into what that brings up.

 

I can’t really stop paying for her stuff because she works a min wage job and only brings home very little money and she has 2 kids. Plus she’s trying to finish school. She told me that once she graduates she won’t need my assistant anymore. But who knows, 2 kids are expensive even if she does make good money. So how do I find out without stopping buying her stuff?

[Simple Logic]

No way to make that determination. If her two children are by 2 daddies I would be using effective contraceptives because if you could end up being a long term contributor.

[Marc878]

A lot of people turn out to be like their parents. FOO issues can run deep. However, this isn't always the case.

 

From your post she doesn't seem that way. Only time will tell.

 

How long before she graduates?

 

I suspect you'll know then.

[Marc878]

Yeah two kids already?

 

However, she's going to school to apparently better her self.

 

Pregnancy precautions are a must

[RecentChange]

When I started reading your story, I thought this must be about a 19 year old girl.

 

Then I got to the point about being a mother of 2 - so this is a grown woman.

 

I can tell you this much, you aren’t going to find your answer by googling “how to tell if a girl is using you”. This is going to require some higher level thought in your part.

 

You say you can’t stop buying her things - how did she survive before she met you? Some how she was getting by without your money right?

 

She is going to graduate and buy a new house? What is her student loan debt like? What industry is she looking to start a career in? How is she going to pay for child care? What I am getting at - is that really a viable plan? Very few come out of college and immediately start making enough to support a family.

 

Do you want to be a step dad?

 

What about the father of her third child? What birth control measures are YOU taking to protect your fertility?

 

For her, I don’t know her. I don’t know what her conscious and subconscious motivators are. I will say having a mother who was a bad example isn’t a good thing. Where has she learned to be independent woman? Does she have postive female mentors?

 

Lastly- what’s the end goal here? Where do you see the both of you in five years?

[fairyfloff]

dammmn boy date me!

[RecentChange]

Just read your other threads about this woman and they are quite eye opening.

 

Not even official dating? You have known her for a while, are somewhat fixated on her, and have offered to buy a house with her? Then started asking if you were dating would she accept these grand offers?

 

I don’t know what her story is, but you are RIPE to be taken advantage of. Honestly someone would have to have very good morals and boundaries not to just take you to the cleaners.

[fairyfloff]

@ Recentchange I did just read through his past comments too and it seems like its very one way and agree with you. I'll say let it go!

That time she got mad at you for bringing the dog over was uncalled for.

Seems you're way more invested in her than she is to you.

[basil67]

Looking back at your previous posts - she doesn't see herself as your girlfriend and she's taking advantage of your generous nature. The longer you hang on to her, the longer it will be before you find someone who cares for you romantically.

[smackie9]

When she met you she hit the jackpot. Cha-CHING!

 

 

Tip, date successful women who have their own money...stop dating poor people

Edited February 5, 2019 by smackie9

[Juha]

I do not understand why you would want to date a woman like this...

 

You are taking care of her and her two kids, that are not yours...

 

Find a woman who has her crap together, makes better decisions, and is strong and independent.

 

you will have a happier life all around,

 

if you are asking questions on an internet forum about whether your gf is using you for money or not that should answer your question right there.

 

Dump this lady, go find a woman that is better suited for you with less baggage. You will not be on here asking questions like this

 

I wish you the best

[clia]

I can’t really stop paying for her stuff because she works a min wage job and only brings home very little money and she has 2 kids. Plus she’s trying to finish school. She told me that once she graduates she won’t need my assistant anymore. But who knows, 2 kids are expensive even if she does make good money. So how do I find out without stopping buying her stuff?

 

Of course you can stop. Why are you supporting this woman and her two kids at this point anyway? From your previous posts it appears you aren't even dating her. So why take this on? She is absolutely taking advantage of you, I'll tell you that much.

[d0nnivain]

Is this the same girl who told you she doesn't want to date you & who got mad at you for stopping by when her BF was there?

 

She's not using you so much as you are being a fool for giving her & her kids things. She has say no many times but you keep trying to "buy" her affection. No wonder you feel taken advantage of because you don't listen & you keep giving & giving without getting anything back in return because you give even when she says stop. At this point from her perspective it's just easier to take what you are offering because even when she says no again, you will give anyway.

[preraph]

Since her mom isn't any help showing her how to be independent, in my opinion, the biggest favor you could do her is to let her build her self-esteem by taking care of herself and her children on her own. Does her mother babysit or anything for her? If so, she hasn't got it that bad. If she's having to pay for childcare, it is a big burden, but she made the choice to have kids. I just think people like themselves more if they do for themselves.

 

It's always going to be okay that you give her gifts and pay for dinner, but really, she needs to learn to be on her own so she (no offense) won't someday get in a bad relationship and feel stuck in it because she has no confidence in herself that she can financially leave.

 

I'm sure her mother is influencing her to do the butt-lazy thing here and I admire her for at least giving lip service to swimming against that current, but I wouldn't depend on her sticking to it, no, because that's her role model. That's all she really knows unless someone shows her another way. Trouble with taking someone on and seeing them through school and all that is you just become another parent, or are at least in big danger of being regarded that way, because if you have a financial investment in her, you will feel you have some say about things you normally might not. Once you enter the roles of parent/child in a romantic relationship, it gets unsexy real quick!

 

So I would say if you want to live with her and her kids (yikes), fine, but she should have to pay some rent or bills or something. But I really think you'd be better off letting her figure out her own living arrangments. She could move in with another single mother, for example, and between the two of them, they might help each other. It's not like she has no options.

[PRW]

I looked back at your other threads.

 

You keep calling her you GF here,...but I don't think she is. I believe this is the same woman in all the threads. The oldest thread was right at a month ago when you came to her house unannounced and surprised her with her BF (who wasn't you), which is the same story with the dog that you say that you co-own,...but I don't think it is co-owned, I think you got the dog while she was with you and you want to call it "ours".

 

I think you have deceived yourself on this matter and you are a pretty extreme case of a Beta Male Orbiter. That is an official term and you can google it to get the full meaning. Until you get a real grasp of the situation your life is not going to get better.

 

I think d0nnivain mad a great point about the woman "taking" from you but yet it really isn't "taking". She is accepting things from you because you just won't stop and it becomes easier for her than fighting it. Yes, I have seen situations like this before,...although on a smaller scale. There are people who "give" like this obsessively and just will not stop. They are obsessively trying to buy acceptance and they treat it as rejection if the target does not accept what they are giving.

[preraph]

Okay after reading the two comments above and under my own, I'm going to add, if this isn't your romantic partner, then yes, you are simply being used, period, end of sentence. Just like her mama taught her.

 

If you are in fact an orbiter and she indeed is not interested in your romantically, you are just being a chump, and it will not work. Anytime a woman says she isn't interested in you that way, she never will be. She already knows it.

 

And meanwhile, you have money and you're generous. For God's sake, forget about her and get out there and find yourself a real girlfriend with no kids and a job and a good family and build a life with someone who WANTS you.