Sm12345 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 I’m a 37 single m, and I started chatting with a 33 f that I originally met a little over ten years ago. A mutual female friend invited me out to a bar with a bunch of her nursing student friends, to introduce me to one of them for the purposes of us potentially dating. I was introduced initially to the one I’m chatting with now, but at the time was more interested in one of her other friends. We only went on a few dates, and it never escalated beyond making out. Part of me has wondered if I made the wrong decision, and now that we’re chatting, there seems to be chemistry, etc. I’m wondering if I should bring it up/apologize, or just see where things go, and either drop it completely or maybe mention it after a few meetings. CCS
Lotsgoingon Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 If you are thinking of apologizing for not dating someone, then uh .. your guilt-radar is malfunctioning. You are under no obligation to date anyone ... ever! ... And you don't need a reason. It's like the contract I sign with my job. They have the right to fire me for good reason or for no reason at all. I was about to say go out and see what happens ... You don't have to tell him anything until you really want to ... But then this idea of an apology ... and guilt ... has me worried for you ... He makes a move, you're not interested. Are you supposed to kiss him? Do more? ... You decide you don't want to go any further with him THIS TIME. You don't owe him an apology. BTW: How do you know the first time that he wasn't involved with someone else at the time? ... or lost interest in you? Get clear on this matter please! ... before proceeding. I'm worried your guilt will get you in trouble. You owe him absolutely zero nothing as far as relationships go ... Just like people who made out with you without going further ... do not owe you an apology.
Author Sm12345 Posted February 5, 2019 Author Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) If you are thinking of apologizing for not dating someone, then uh .. your guilt-radar is malfunctioning. You are under no obligation to date anyone ... ever! ... And you don't need a reason. It's like the contract I sign with my job. They have the right to fire me for good reason or for no reason at all. I was about to say go out and see what happens ... You don't have to tell him anything until you really want to ... But then this idea of an apology ... and guilt ... has me worried for you ... He makes a move, you're not interested. Are you supposed to kiss him? Do more? ... You decide you don't want to go any further with him THIS TIME. You don't owe him an apology. BTW: How do you know the first time that he wasn't involved with someone else at the time? ... or lost interest in you? Get clear on this matter please! ... before proceeding. I'm worried your guilt will get you in trouble. You owe him absolutely zero nothing as far as relationships go ... Just like people who made out with you without going further ... do not owe you an apology. I’m the guy in this story. I know she was single because our mutual friend pulled me aside and introduced me to her trying to pair us up. And it’s not necessarily guilt, I just feel like I was really rude. I barely acknowledged her, and instead cozied up to her other friend. Edited February 5, 2019 by Sm12345
Lotsgoingon Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 She (sorry to get the genders wrong) ... has long ... long forgotten this ... I have a fantastic memory ... and asking me to recall what person walked past me at a party or not years ago ... sorry ... brains rarely take time to store that information. And you had a right to walk past her if you were interested in someone else. You didn't shoot her or starve her on the way to talking to someone else.
ShadeOfGreen Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Ten years is a long time after a one-off casual conversation with a stranger. It's no surprise if she doesn't remember meeting you, and I'm not sure what's to gain in reminding her about this. Are you still friends with the mutual female friend? If so, then it's possible she mentions to either one of you about the introduction. I'd be honest if asked about it, but you are under no obligation to mention your thought process in pursing the other woman. The fact is that you just didn't hit it off that night. You are both different people now as a result of life experiences had since then. Things might be different this time around.
elaine567 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Sounds like a great idea to reminisce about the time you found her so unattractive, you ignored her, to go chat up her, no doubt hotter friend... 1
Gaeta Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 No, no and no. Like Elaine said, why remind her that at some point she wasn't interesting to you. 1
PRW Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) The fact that you are even hung up on this is telling me that this probably won't end well. If you don't know how to be smart about this, then you are likely to "step in it" before it is over. The fact that you met 10 years ago really doesn't mean anything,...but you are acting like it means something. I suspect you are thinking that if she knows that she "knew you in the past" that it will help your cause. But it most likely will not. If she doesn't remember, than whatever happened was not "memorable", and if she does remember then wait and see if she remembers and brings it up. If she does, then act surprised like you just remembered yourself and you will both a get a laugh out of it. Edited February 5, 2019 by PRW 1
Gretchen12 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Why are you so sure your memory is better than hers? If you must dwell on this issue, think positive. If two people are meant to be together, they will re-unite even if it takes 10 years. (I should be writing romance novels). Seriously, I have seen this happen to people. 1
smackie9 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Say nothing. Just carry on with what you are doing. Remember 10 years is a long time...people can change. 1
kendahke Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 You both were in a completely different head space 10 years ago---she may remember, she may not. It was what it was--and that's all it was back then. I wouldn't bring it up unless she does. 1
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