SugarLips72 Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) I am a 45 y/o divorced mom of 2 kids. Been single and don’t go out much and put an ad up on POF. Lots of activity but very few guys I’m interested in I’ve met 6 or 7 guys. 3 expressed interest in seeing me again but I wasn’t interested. 4th guy I was interested in but it took him 2 weeks to text me and suddenly he’s interested. Yay right he just wants a hookup so I blew him off. One guy I went out with a few times. Terrible kisser. That faded out. Now here is where I’m kinda ticked. 2 weeks ago met some guy. Instant mutual attraction. He texted me afterwards that I am absolutely gorgeous and he can’t wait to see me again so 3 more dates ( including 2 dinners at my house) no sex but lots of great kissing. Last time I saw him was Thur night. Dinner at my house. It was brief and low key since we both get up early. Fri morning he text me saying thanks for dinner and then silence. He goes from blowing up my phone to silence I’m always suspicious. I texted him Friday night to check in and I had a feeling something was off and asked him if I did or said something to scare him off? He replied back he was swamped and stressed out with work ( copout) and have heard nothing since. Didn’t call or text all weekend. He is divorced and admitted to me he has an ugly custody battle brewing since his ex refuses to follow decree for visits so I know he wasn’t with his kids he’s not seeing them right now. His kids are way younger than I usually am used too but was willing to give it a try. My gut feeling is spot on and actually Thur night before he came over I had a feeling something was up. Now I’ve been blown off for no reason. At this point I’m just accepting the fact he lost interest but I’m not sure why. Why do guys do this? ESP our age he is 41. Edited February 4, 2019 by SugarLips72
Normm Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 Could be the custody battle is sapping him of his strength and will to do just about anything let alone date. It's probably the most difficult battle of his life. 1
Author SugarLips72 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Posted February 4, 2019 Could be but why not just tell me? Also his dating profile he makes it clear he wants a relationship and don’t contact him if you are taken or looking for a side piece. I feel a little mislead and maybe he just wasn’t interested in me like I thought. He couldn’t keep his lips or hands off me. Always massaging me. I just feel a little weird. It was only 4 dates and yes I’m moving on but wondering why suddenly he lost interest. Could be the custody battle is sapping him of his strength and will to do just about anything let alone date. It's probably the most difficult battle of his life.
Normm Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 It could be a million reasons. I listen to this radio show from WPLJ called "Blown Off", you can Google it and listen to the daily casts on any internet browser, including on your phone as you're driving, that's what I do. Every day it's another episode. A person contacts the radio because they've dated somebody once, or twice, or for weeks or months and suddenly the person "goes ghost" and the radio station people get the history and repeatedly ask the person "can you think of anything you did that might have sent the other person running for the hills" and every single time the person says "no, nothing I can think of". Then the radio station calls the person and you hear the most crazy things that the person who got dumped, did on the date. It's rather entertaining. Can you think of anything you might have done? Anything at all...
stillafool Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 The problem with online dating is too many options makes it hard to settle. 1
Author SugarLips72 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) Absolutely not. He was telling me a few really bad online dates he had. Women not looking like their pics. Fake ads. We had a good laugh over some of the people online. Actually said I was a good kisser. I have a good job and own my own home in a ice middle class neighborhood. House is only 5 years old. I’m not perfect. Maybe I have bad breath? I have some tummy issues but no issues present on any date. My house was clean I keep it somewhat tidy as clean as my kids will allow. Not to toot my own horn but I went out to a popular trendy bar fri night and had a 30 yr old young man all over me. He kissed me a few times and wanted a hook up Then asked me back to his hotel room. He was staying way too far away so I politely declined but I imagine he had no issues. Now we’re nitpicking here but I was barefoot. Feet very manicured. I am tall and I do have big feet I hate them. He told me everything on me is proportionate. I actually hate my feet. Honestly who knows. It could be anything I guess. It could be a million reasons. I listen to this radio show from WPLJ called "Blown Off", you can Google it and listen to the daily casts on any internet browser, including on your phone as you're driving, that's what I do. Every day it's another episode. A person contacts the radio because they've dated somebody once, or twice, or for weeks or months and suddenly the person "goes ghost" and the radio station people get the history and repeatedly ask the person "can you think of anything you did that might have sent the other person running for the hills" and every single time the person says "no, nothing I can think of". Then the radio station calls the person and you hear the most crazy things that the person who got dumped, did on the date. It's rather entertaining. Can you think of anything you might have done? Anything at all... Edited February 4, 2019 by SugarLips72
lurker74 Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 I'm in that age bracket. And I don't ghost. Did it once and I will never do it again. Most of the time when I break something off - even after a single date - the women are very angry or pleading, which is a bother, so if I didn't have the commitment to not ghost, it would be a lot easier and lower stress to just fade away. You can never tell what the reason is. And there doesn't have to be a reason. Not at this stage, and it's impossible to try to find out. I've had an average woman tell me she wasn't attracted to me this past fall and the next week, I had an extremely attractive woman tell me she couldn't stop thinking of me. Who was right? Who knows? One of the only common things that cause people to ghost is getting back together with an ex. Maybe not his ex wife but with someone he dated earlier. It's hard to compete with that kind of chemistry if it's there. But the moral of the story is who knows?
Author SugarLips72 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Posted February 4, 2019 I was wondering too if maybe he met soomeone else? Again who knows. It was only 4 dates. Just a little time invested that’s all and no sex My good friend just started dating some guy 3 months ago. They are both mid 30’s and text each other numerous times throughout the day and he calls her every night. When a guy goes silent on the phone that’s a red flag. It takes 10 seconds to text. He started going quiet Thur in the am. Anyways time to move on I'm in that age bracket. And I don't ghost. Did it once and I will never do it again. Most of the time when I break something off - even after a single date - the women are very angry or pleading, which is a bother, so if I didn't have the commitment to not ghost, it would be a lot easier and lower stress to just fade away. You can never tell what the reason is. And there doesn't have to be a reason. Not at this stage, and it's impossible to try to find out. I've had an average woman tell me she wasn't attracted to me this past fall and the next week, I had an extremely attractive woman tell me she couldn't stop thinking of me. Who was right? Who knows? One of the only common things that cause people to ghost is getting back together with an ex. Maybe not his ex wife but with someone he dated earlier. It's hard to compete with that kind of chemistry if it's there. But the moral of the story is who knows?
Orokotikki Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 I see after four dates any excuse he is busy is a 'copout'?? It sounds like he has some real stressors, and you are both grown adults but this thread is like the sooooo many we see from teenagers regarding the frequency of texting being used to gauge the health of their relationship... So you heard from on friday but not saturday or sunday and you think that constitutes "being ghosted"? Look either learn some patience (thats me being kind), or just move on (my actual advice because I feel it will let him dodge a bullet). 1
Author SugarLips72 Posted February 4, 2019 Author Posted February 4, 2019 Here it is end of the day Monday and still no contact. He’s obviously checked out. Do you go 3 whole days without talking to someone you are dating? I bet not. QUOTE=Orokotikki;7729119]I see after four dates any excuse he is busy is a 'copout'?? It sounds like he has some real stressors, and you are both grown adults but this thread is like the sooooo many we see from teenagers regarding the frequency of texting being used to gauge the health of their relationship... So you heard from on friday but not saturday or sunday and you think that constitutes "being ghosted"? Look either learn some patience (thats me being kind), or just move on (my actual advice because I feel it will let him dodge a bullet).
DrNo1962 Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 (edited) Hate to burst your bubble but this isn't a gender-specific trait. There is generally a correlation between people who are conflict-avoidant and those who ghost. It's a passive-aggressive response to something that makes them feel "threatened" even though it is a perfectly normal human interaction. Edited February 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 Treat ghosters like they never existed. Being ghosted is frustrating, but something expected when online dating. Don't get too hung up on guys in the 1st few dates. Have lots of options and see how they pan out.
Gretchen12 Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 Haha you're wondering if you did something to turn him off. That's funny. You don't understand. It's him, it's not you. There are ghosters and non-ghosters. If a non-ghoster lost interest, he will tell you that he's just not feeling it and say goodbye. And then there are the ghosters. Ghosting is a sign of dysfunction of varying degrees. It's like there are procrastinators and non-procrastinators. It's him, and he doesn't need a reason.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 4, 2019 Posted February 4, 2019 Sounds like he was hoping for easy sex during the "dates" at home, and lost interest when he didn't get it. A man who's really into you doesn't fade like that. Saves you heartache and time. I've never dated separated men or men divorced less than a year because it seems messy, not worth my time and energy. 1
edgygirl Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 So common these days, there was even an article in the NYT. I particularly think it's ****ty behavior when you've been in more than 3 dates with someone. Up to the 3rd date I think it's fair game. You might have to accept you will never know the reason. Usually it's not about your looks though as you implied. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/22/smarter-living/why-people-ghost-and-how-to-get-over-it.html
Interstellar Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) Was the guy good looking? well dressed? he probably met someone else. Who knows really, the fact of the matter is he’s gone. Edited February 5, 2019 by Interstellar
curlygirl40 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Was the guy good looking? well dressed? he probably met someone else. What the heck does that have to do with anything? Oh if he was goodlooking and well dressed then he had other options... OY Sorry OP that this happened to you. In the end you'll never know so it's best to move on. It's crappy behavior for sure but please don't beat yourself up over it or worry about your feet or any other silliness. Both sexes do it and it sucks that we all have to deal with it these days. People do it so they don't have to have a difficult conversation. It's confusing for sure. 1
fred123 Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 I am a 45 y/o divorced mom of 2 kids. Been single and don’t go out much and put an ad up on POF. Lots of activity but very few guys I’m interested in I’ve met 6 or 7 guys. 3 expressed interest in seeing me again but I wasn’t interested. 4th guy I was interested in but it took him 2 weeks to text me and suddenly he’s interested. Yay right he just wants a hookup so I blew him off. One guy I went out with a few times. Terrible kisser. That faded out. Now here is where I’m kinda ticked. 2 weeks ago met some guy. Instant mutual attraction. He texted me afterwards that I am absolutely gorgeous and he can’t wait to see me again so 3 more dates ( including 2 dinners at my house) no sex but lots of great kissing. Last time I saw him was Thur night. Dinner at my house. It was brief and low key since we both get up early. Fri morning he text me saying thanks for dinner and then silence. He goes from blowing up my phone to silence I’m always suspicious. I texted him Friday night to check in and I had a feeling something was off and asked him if I did or said something to scare him off? He replied back he was swamped and stressed out with work ( copout) and have heard nothing since. Didn’t call or text all weekend. He is divorced and admitted to me he has an ugly custody battle brewing since his ex refuses to follow decree for visits so I know he wasn’t with his kids he’s not seeing them right now. His kids are way younger than I usually am used too but was willing to give it a try. My gut feeling is spot on and actually Thur night before he came over I had a feeling something was up. Now I’ve been blown off for no reason. At this point I’m just accepting the fact he lost interest but I’m not sure why. Why do guys do this? ESP our age he is 41. not trying to go off topic but like how OP doesnt get scolded for inviting a guy round hers for dinner so soon but when i did it with a girl on the 4th date i got scolded and saying my motives were bad and i shouldnt be inviting a girl around to dinner on the 4th date? hmmm 1
SophieG Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 not trying to go off topic but like how OP doesnt get scolded for inviting a guy round hers for dinner so soon but when i did it with a girl on the 4th date i got scolded and saying my motives were bad and i shouldnt be inviting a girl around to dinner on the 4th date? hmmm Because when you did, you were expecting sex.. not hoping for it, but expecting it!
Interstellar Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 What the heck does that have to do with anything? Oh if he was goodlooking and well dressed then he had other options... OY Generally, good looking guys always go for younger or hotter, or women with no kids even if they have one. Oh wait, that’s all guys.
edgygirl Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Speak for yourself. There are all kinds of men out there. Some prefer someone they get along with, or women who are intellectually compatible. Mega yawn. Generally, good looking guys always go for younger or hotter, or women with no kids even if they have one. Oh wait, that’s all guys. 1
Interstellar Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Everything starts with physical attraction. 1
edgygirl Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 (edited) Cool. Thanks for letting us know older women are not attractive to you. Luckily not all men think like that. Also, are you insinuating OP is old and that’s why (in your mind) the man went for a younger woman? That’s a lot of (unfounded) assumption right there. I feel like you’re talking about yourself and what you’d do. Kind of mysoginistic and gerontophobic ideas too. Everything starts with physical attraction. Edited February 5, 2019 by edgygirl
TheFinalWord Posted February 5, 2019 Posted February 5, 2019 Now I’ve been blown off for no reason. At this point I’m just accepting the fact he lost interest but I’m not sure why. Why do guys do this? ESP our age he is 41. POF is largely a hook-up site, so the fact there was no sex by the third date, this is likely the reason.
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