She really likes me but doesn't know if she has feelings for me

[stzchrist]

I started dating this girl a few months ago and I really started to fall for her. Everything was great, we starting spending a so much time together and really enjoyed each others company and our relationship was getting more serious every week. Everything was awesome when we were together.

 

Then on 1/15/19 she told me to come over to talk to her. She told me that she was really confused about how she felt about me. She was crying and she said that she really liked being with me and that she really liked me but she wasn't sure if she had feelings for me. She said she was really confused and thought that we shouldn't break up but take a break so she can have some space to think about how she feels. I was upset over this but I said okay and I left her house. Later that evening she texted me telling me that she really didn't explain it all that well. She also told me that her ex really messed her up back in October and that she was really falling for him and then he broke up with her and cut off contact with her so she was still not over him. She said she really wants me in her life. She also said that she still wants to see me she just needs some space and that she still wants to see me maybe twice a week, which was fine with me. We then saw each other on the Thursday and Friday of that week and everything was great. Or so it seemed to me.

 

On (1/21/19) she sent me a Snapchat that I wasn't supposed to see telling her friend that she really liked me but was still really unsure about how she felt about me. once she realized that it went to me she freaked out and started crying. She tried calling me and texted me that she didn't mean that and that she was still confused but she really did think she was starting to get feelings for me and that she did in fact really like me.

 

The next day (1/22/19), we were hanging out at my house and she said she wanted to leave early. So I drove her home and she was being super quiet and so I knew something was wrong. When we got to her house she started crying and said the same thing she said to me the previous week, but only that she can't do this to me anymore. She said that she was really upset because I was the perfect guy for her and that I am the best guy she ever went out with but that she isn't over her ex and that wasn't fair to me and doesn't know how she feels about me/doesn't have romantic feelings about me. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said it was over. She said she still wants to be friends if I want that. I didn't really know what to say or do so I just gave her a hug and said goodbye. She was crying pretty hard. She then texted me asking if I got home safe and that was that.

 

It was all really upsetting to me so I took her off of Snapchat (where we did 95% of our communication), Instagram, and I deleted our texts because it was really hard to look at that stuff. We have not talked or seen each other since that night, almost 2 weeks. I am still really upset because I've gone out with several girls this year and she was the only one that I really liked. I really really liked her.

 

 

Some of my friends are telling me to move on while some are telling me to wait until I'm healed (give or take a month) and then try to contact her again because she clearly really liked me but was still broken over her ex and that was clouding her judgment when it came to me. I am really upset over all this and I can't keep my mind off of her. I really don't know what to do at this point. I was getting coffee with a female friend today at our University library and as we were leaving we saw her as we turned the corner and walked right past her and I think she saw me. So I guess my question is what should I do in this situation? I really care about her and I want to be with her I just don't know what to do at all.

 

Thanks.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry this happened, OP. I'm sure you're very disappointed.

 

All you can do is assume that she's being honest that she's not over her ex, and move along. Perhaps he's been in touch with her again and it's thrown her for a loop, or maybe she realized as you two got more serious that her heart just wasn't in it enough to go further.

 

She is definitely not in a place to date you, whatever the case may be. The crying and the back-and-forth are indicative of that. I would do your best to move on from her; she knows where to find you if she wants to give things another go. Don't reach out to her in a month, because then you'll never really know if she's only responding to be nice or if she genuinely wants to start talking again.

[stzchrist]

Sorry this happened, OP. I'm sure you're very disappointed.

 

All you can do is assume that she's being honest that she's not over her ex, and move along. Perhaps he's been in touch with her again and it's thrown her for a loop, or maybe she realized as you two got more serious that her heart just wasn't in it enough to go further.

 

She is definitely not in a place to date you, whatever the case may be. The crying and the back-and-forth are indicative of that. I would do your best to move on from her; she knows where to find you if she wants to give things another go. Don't reach out to her in a month, because then you'll never really know if she's only responding to be nice or if she genuinely wants to start talking again.

 

Thank you for your reply. She told me her ex tried to contact her on New Years and she had a breakdown because of it and ended up blocking him. Should I just move on and give up on her then? I really don't want to but I know it is probably best. I'm having a really hard time letting go.

Edited February 4, 2019 by stzchrist

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you for your reply. She told me her ex tried to contact her on New Years and she had a breakdown because of it and ended up blocking him. Should I just move on and give up on her then? I really don't want to but I know it is probably best. I'm having a really hard time letting go.

 

You're not giving up on someone when they've already ended the relationship. That ship sailed.

 

But yes, I do think you should move on. If her ex still has the ability to rattle her that much, she is in no way ready to date anyone else.

[preraph]

I know you probably see her still being hung up on her ex as the main problem, but as someone who was hung up on an ex for a very long time, I can tell you it didn't affect whether I was sexually attracted to someone or not. I knew instantly, and I think that's the problem. I don't think, despite her knowing you're a great guy who treats her well, that she has sexual attraction for you. I think she desperately wishes she did. I don't think she would have it even if she got over her ex tomorrow.

 

It's surprising how quickly you can get over your ex if you 1) meet someone you are very attracted to physically and 2) they like you back and start dating you. So I just don't think she finds you sexually attractive, for whatever reason. Sorry to throw cold water on it, but you just have to realize women have a hard time rejecting someone who is being nice to them and so it gets pretty elaborate sometimes trying to pad the fall for you.

[stzchrist]

You're not giving up on someone when they've already ended the relationship. That ship sailed.

 

But yes, I do think you should move on. If her ex still has the ability to rattle her that much, she is in no way ready to date anyone else.

 

Fair enough. I'm just having a really hard time letting go.

[stzchrist]

I know you probably see her still being hung up on her ex as the main problem, but as someone who was hung up on an ex for a very long time, I can tell you it didn't affect whether I was sexually attracted to someone or not. I knew instantly, and I think that's the problem. I don't think, despite her knowing you're a great guy who treats her well, that she has sexual attraction for you. I think she desperately wishes she did. I don't think she would have it even if she got over her ex tomorrow.

 

It's surprising how quickly you can get over your ex if you 1) meet someone you are very attracted to physically and 2) they like you back and start dating you. So I just don't think she finds you sexually attractive, for whatever reason. Sorry to throw cold water on it, but you just have to realize women have a hard time rejecting someone who is being nice to them and so it gets pretty elaborate sometimes trying to pad the fall for you.

 

Yeah, you might be right but tbh I don't know. She told me she was sexually attracted to me (we had sex quite a lot) but that she wasn't romantically attracted to me. So tbh I really don't know. She might be lying to me but what do I know. Just hurts a lot regardless.

[Occitanie]

Whenever a girl says she’s confused, it means you’re smothering her. Your neediness drove her back into her ex’s arms - and the fact she has more history and emotional attachment to him.

 

Back off, stop contacting her, give her space, and wait to hear from her.

 

When she reaches out, assume she wants to see you, ask her when she’s free and invite her over to yours for a couple drinks together.

[PRW]

I started dating this girl a few months ago and I really started to fall for her. Everything was great, we starting spending a so much time together and really enjoyed each others company and our relationship was getting more serious every week. Everything was awesome when we were together.

 

Then on 1/15/19 she told me to come over to talk to her. She told me that she was really confused about how she felt about me. She was crying and she said that she really liked being with me and that she really liked me but she wasn't sure if she had feelings for me.

All these reasons are just the textbook things that women say when the guy has over pursued them with way too much too fast. The emotions never had a chance to keep pace which causes them to fail to "fall in love" correctly. So the one thing she is telling you that is dead accurate is that she doesn't have feelings for you in the correct manner. She was crying because this is a painful experience for her and a guy can really screw up the woman's head doing this to them. This is one of the things that makes women cynical and bitter as they get older.

 

This kind of situation is as common as rain. So if you don't accept it and blow if off,...you will repeat the same thing with the next one you meet. The internet, YouTube in particular, it loaded with material on this if you want to learn more.