b52srock Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 So here I sit in my new house. Divorced after 18 years. Alone. Its his weekend to have the kids and his wench is sleeping at his place with the kids right there. No, there isn't a damned thing I can do about it and it pisses me off to no end! How do I get past all of this? How do I forget him? How do I start over at 42? All my friends are married and unfortunately I don't fit in with that crowd (EMS, fire, etc...all ex's crowd). Yes, they all support me, but there's no one I can go out and have dinner with or a drink with. No one that I can go out on the town with. He's having the time of his life with his wench (affair that ended our marriage) while I'm the one paying for it all with pain that never seems to end. Tuesday would have been our 19th anniversary. Needless to say I had a sleepless night, bawling my eyes out. So many things have been said in anger over the past year and a half since he moved out. There's no way we'll ever be able to get past any of it, no matter how much I love him. God, it just hurts so bad.
jhurtinct Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 b52- I feel for you, not so much myself but my father cheated on my mother after 25 yrs of marriage it killed her in a way, yet she never let us(the kids see it). I never met a stronger women in my life she stood up for herself filed for D and moved on and was happy for the first time in a long time my mother is now 50 yrs old and she is happy w/spmeone who treats her with respect and adores her. Its out there is my point. My aunt is one of my bfriends and at 48 yrs old she is recently seperated from someone she at first was devasted by, but now she is out and dating (we go out together and she has more fun than me) because she's ready for that now. She is having a ball w/life and couldn't be happier. My point for this is to let you know there is plenty of proof that : How do I start over at 42? you can start over and be happy:) happier:) How do I get past all of this? How do I forget him? use your alone time to meet single people in your area, theres nothing wrong w/ going to the local bar and having a drink or 2 at happy hour and meeting some new friends. Be out going and it will get you places, put a beautiful smile on your face hold your head up hi and order a beer:) keep yourself busy as to not dwell on what is going on that you have no control over. You WILL BE HAppy remember that and get out some, maybe even a singles dance or dinner on you weekend to YOURSELF (those weekends can be great you know) stay strong and good luck:)
brooke7777 Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Although I cannot totally relate to you because I was not cheated on, nor am I married, I can relate. My father cheated on my mother after being married for 25 years as well. He moved out for about six weeks to be with his wench and left the rest of my family in shambles. Although I lived through the devastation, I can only imagine what my mother went through and what you are currently faced with. I can tell you that it was really tough, but she made it through it. He eventually came back and they are now still together five years later. Honestly, there's days that I wish he would have never came back. Being that I am 23, I am not a naive child and I can see that their marriage is not what it used to be nor is it happy per say. I think it's more of a comfort thing for both of them. As for how do you get through this...it's going to be tough. You were fully committed to this man and he did not show you the same respect. It's heartwrenching, I'm sure. You were with this man for a large chunk of your adult life so I'm sure that it is impossible to imagine living without him by your side. You need to allow yourself to feel all of these feelings and give yourself plenty of time to greive. No one knows what the future will hold...whether it lies with your ex or whether it lies with someone new. Talking is one of the most theraputic things you can do. Find that person who will listen and talk their ear off. Get all of your feelings and frustrations out or else you will not properly heal. As for the feeling alone and like you don't fit in with the crowd...I can truly relate to that one. It's one of the worst feelings you can experience. All of my friends are in those seemingly perfect, happy relationships and I am left all alone. It's really hard. Even though they have been supportive and welcoming to my company...it's still hard. Sometimes I feel worse when I am around them, even if it's just the girls, because I just think of how happy I once was with my ex. We will make it through this and if anything, we will come out as stronger individuals...even if we feel like crawling into a cave and dying now.
Guest Posted September 18, 2005 Posted September 18, 2005 So if we have a name (wench) for the OW who didn't actually break any vows to anybody, what is the name we are giving the men you refer to, who cheated AND broke vows? Oh that's right, they're above reproach.
brashgal Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Have you considered joining a 'recently divorced' group? I have to believe there are other people in your situation also looking for someone to go out to dinner with or out on the town. Be kind to yourself and don't be in a rush - it takes time to heal. My ex is also living with the woman who he was having an affair with when we split - it's been over 2 years for me and although I'll never be friends with her, I am ok with the arrangement. I have come to terms with the thought that I just wasn't what he needed any more. Life goes on. You aren't exactly starting over, you already have the kids, the house, you know what it's like to be married. Go have some fun.
Pyro Posted September 19, 2005 Posted September 19, 2005 Each new day brings new and wonderful opportunities. That is what is good about life, new surprises each day, you just have to find them. Don't sweat it b52srock:) Find a hobby, join a club of some sort. Keep yourself busy and the rest will fall into place. Good luck.
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